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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To find the use of the word ‘fiancé’ irritating?

364 replies

Sparklesbigtoe · 31/08/2026 09:06

Do people still use the word fiancé to describe the person they’re engaged to on a regular basis (eg. every time they mention them to someone who doesn’t know their name they’ll say fiancé rather than partner or bf/gf)? Or is this becoming kind of outdated? There’s a woman at work who keeps saying ‘my fiancé and I this, my fiancé and I that, yesterday I said to my fiancé blah, blah’. It’s really starting to grate on me because she could easily say his name then start referring to him by it, just like everyone else does. It also struck me that other people I know who’ve been engaged recently carried on saying ‘partner’, or they might say fiancé once or twice but generally they use partner. I’m sure I’m BU to find it annoying but it feels like they’re trying to boast that someone’s asked them to marry them everytime I hear it!

OP posts:
Vulturesoverhead · 31/08/2026 09:47

Youhadrambledonfor18pages · 31/08/2026 09:45

Think you’ve got your phrases wrong there (I also have teenagers), glaze means sucking up.
I think you mean flex although I disagree that someone’s trying to show off just because they’re using the correct term for their significant other.

Glazing the fiancé to others…

Youhadrambledonfor18pages · 31/08/2026 09:48

Vulturesoverhead · 31/08/2026 09:45

That’s the point. No no, he’s moooore than a mere boyfriend, he’s elevated me to Fiancé, please note that <swoon>

I just can’t help it, it makes me chuckle. I was asked, then married in 6 weeks, so perhaps that phase was lost on me.

Are they actually asking you to note that though?!
All these posters reading sub context of showing off just through the use of one technically correct word.

Bluenotgreen · 31/08/2026 09:49

I don’t see it as any different to referring to a husband or wife. It’s a simple fact.

Is it just women using the word that bothers you OP, or men too?

WerewolfOfLoudon · 31/08/2026 09:50

RosasDanceRosas · 31/08/2026 09:21

I agree it’s a terrible, prissy word, but alas, it’s the only one we have for ‘person I’ve committed to marrying’ , unless we go very retro and start reverting to ‘my betrothed’ or ‘my intended’, which are also awful. ‘The person to whom I am affianced’? Ugh.

"The dude with whom I plan on the splitting bills for the rest of our lives" is a bit long winded, fiancé is much shorter.

Youhadrambledonfor18pages · 31/08/2026 09:51

Vulturesoverhead · 31/08/2026 09:47

Glazing the fiancé to others…

Glazing means sucking up/flattering someone.
Who’s she sucking up to by using the word fiancé? Check with your teens - you’re using it incorrectly.

Girasoli · 31/08/2026 09:52

DH went from boyfriend to fiance to husband. I've never really refered to him as my partner - I think it's because we got engaged quite young and partner seemed like a word older people used (e.g. for friends parents if that weren't married/got divorced and had a new partner - people our age tended to use boyfriend/girlfriend).

GlimpseofTruth · 31/08/2026 09:54

I probably overused the word fiancè loads when I was engaged because I was so happy and excited to be getting married. It was probably a bit annoying to those around me.

But in my defence, as practicing Christians we didn't live together until we were married. So getting married was a huge step that I was really looking forward to. It wasn't about the attention of having a wedding it was about getting to be with the man I love all the time.

And we were only engaged for nine months so didn't annoy everyone with it for too long.

RampantIvy · 31/08/2026 09:54

WerewolfOfLoudon · 31/08/2026 09:41

Would it be depressing if the woman was saying fiancée?

Not if she was marrying a woman, no.

Viviennemary · 31/08/2026 09:58

I agree it's a bit daft. Especially when folk have lived together for 20 years and have half a dozen kids. Madness.

thistimelastweek · 31/08/2026 09:59

It's just such a poncey word.

Gardenhabit · 31/08/2026 10:00

RampantIvy · 31/08/2026 09:54

Not if she was marrying a woman, no.

My friend calls her brother, my brother when talking about him. I’m met him several times and I’ve known her for 20 years and I find it weird that she doesn’t use his name. Sorry don’t mean to quote and now I can’t delete it!

comeoncolleen · 31/08/2026 10:00

daisyydaisyy · 31/08/2026 09:46

Your reply has got me half crazy 😭🥰♥️

Ah, you're sweet ❤️🚴🚴‍♀️

Absolutelynot2 · 31/08/2026 10:00

Oh this is too, too funny. So she should pretend he's only her boyfriend because your boyfriend doesn't want to get married? 😅 Like it or not, there is and always has been and always will be a hierarchy of relationships. Boyfriend/girlfriend (which some people have tried to replace with partner and means the same thing) then fiance/fiancee then husband/wife.

If you didn't care about you wouldn't even notice her using the correct terminology.

CruelsummerTS · 31/08/2026 10:01

You’re being unreasonable because it’s an accurate word to use. But the word itself is irritating and cringeworthy!!

CurlewKate · 31/08/2026 10:01

WerewolfOfLoudon · 31/08/2026 09:41

Would it be depressing if the woman was saying fiancée?

Actually, even more depressing.

But I do find copying heteronormative behaviour depressing in general.

Absolutelynot2 · 31/08/2026 10:02

Absolutelynot2 · 31/08/2026 10:00

Oh this is too, too funny. So she should pretend he's only her boyfriend because your boyfriend doesn't want to get married? 😅 Like it or not, there is and always has been and always will be a hierarchy of relationships. Boyfriend/girlfriend (which some people have tried to replace with partner and means the same thing) then fiance/fiancee then husband/wife.

If you didn't care about you wouldn't even notice her using the correct terminology.

And I do wonder if maybe you hang around with a lot of chavs, because it's a perfectly common term and in wide usage in average circles.

MyManinCaracas · 31/08/2026 10:04

I kind of get it, but I hate the term partner. You’ve known him 3 months he’s not your partner!

BakersKitchen · 31/08/2026 10:07

I never used it when I was engaged. It always felt like I was tying to draw attention to the fact I was getting married and get people to ask questions about my wedding. I waited until I could say “husband”.

WerewolfOfLoudon · 31/08/2026 10:07

RampantIvy · 31/08/2026 09:54

Not if she was marrying a woman, no.

That was my point, @CurlewKate's comment was "look I've got a man" so is she equally opposed to "look I've got a woman" after hard fought for same sex marriage rights or is the disdain reserved solely for women marrying men.

BakersKitchen · 31/08/2026 10:08

MyManinCaracas · 31/08/2026 10:04

I kind of get it, but I hate the term partner. You’ve known him 3 months he’s not your partner!

Oooh yes I hate this too. Partner should be reserved for someone you actually share a life with, what’s wrong with boyfriend? Nothing.

HollyMcDolly · 31/08/2026 10:08

Yes I find it irritating although if it’s just the once then not a big issue but repeatedly very annoying as I always think they’re fishing for a congratulation so they can witter on about proposal/wedding plans etc which are beyond boring if you’re not interested. I work with a woman who always referred to her now husband as fiancé prior to marriage despite the fact we’d all met him & knew her fairly well..just call him by his name ffs (she was told!)

OtterlyAstounding · 31/08/2026 10:08

YABU, OP. Fiancé is the appropriate word to describe her relationship to the man, and if referring to him as her 'partner' wouldn't annoy you, there's no reason for 'fiancé' to do so.

What annoys me is when people use 'partner' to describe someone they don't live with – the word for that is boy/girlfriend.

Swissmeringue · 31/08/2026 10:08

YABU, it's a perfectly reasonable word to use for the person you are engaged for. He was my boyfriend, then he was my fiancé, now he's my husband.

Bit weird to be calling him my fiancé repeatedly at work though, surely it's just "my fiancé, Ben" the first time you chat about him then he's Ben in conversation from then on?

WerewolfOfLoudon · 31/08/2026 10:09

CurlewKate · 31/08/2026 10:01

Actually, even more depressing.

But I do find copying heteronormative behaviour depressing in general.

Edited

So you are against same sex marriage?

hardshoulderr · 31/08/2026 10:10

lol at heteronormative