To find the use of the word ‘fiancé’ irritating?

[Sparklesbigtoe]

Do people still use the word fiancé to describe the person they’re engaged to on a regular basis (eg. every time they mention them to someone who doesn’t know their name they’ll say fiancé rather than partner or bf/gf)? Or is this becoming kind of outdated? There’s a woman at work who keeps saying ‘my fiancé and I this, my fiancé and I that, yesterday I said to my fiancé blah, blah’. It’s really starting to grate on me because she could easily say his name then start referring to him by it, just like everyone else does. It also struck me that other people I know who’ve been engaged recently carried on saying ‘partner’, or they might say fiancé once or twice but generally they use partner. I’m sure I’m BU to find it annoying but it feels like they’re trying to boast that someone’s asked them to marry them everytime I hear it!

I agree, they're all pretty unremarkable. Unless you hate them. It's often a viseral reaction, not necessarily logical or have reasoning behind it. Another one that grates is Yummy Mummy, a friend uses the term to refer to herself. I actually have to look away so she doesn't spot the expression on my face. That does sound like a declaration of "ain't I pretty" though. Somethings just grate or make us cringe. It doesn't have to be deep.

Some are ok - plenty are quite ancient loan words.

But the likes of ‘amuse bouche’ and ‘savoir-faire’ can get in the poubelle.

Agreed. Complaining about a French word as being 'too French' puts me in mind of Stan Boardman and his constant references to "Them Germans, eh?!" !

“Hi, meet the man I am engaged to / plan to
marry / will be my husband in the future.”

“Hi meet my fiancé”

“The man I am engaged to/ plan to marry / who will be my future husband is called John.”

”My fiancé, his name is John”.

Declaring yourself to be a Yummy Mummy is very definitely cringeworthy, but it’s not remotely comparable to use of the word wife.

YABMU

We always used to sing the Beatles song "Michelle, poubelle"

Sorry, I'm in a silly mood - the bank holiday makes it still feel like le weekend!

It’s a French word, vowels are pronounced differently than in English and accents change the pronunciation further, eg the é on the end of fiancé.

Using the word doesn’t indicate that anyone actually cares whether you marry or not, what is wrong with you? 😆
You can feel free to use the word husband when you’re actually married, too; nobody will really care about that either.

I find the whole engagement thing really annoying. Just go get married, have a lovely wedding. Isn't that enough?

I would find it irritating too, probably because I would think they wanted to constantly remind me that they were engaged. In case I’d forgotten. But it’s a minor irritation. Not worth starting a thread on Mumsnet about. DP (who I’ve been with for 40 years) sometimes refers to me as ‘my wife’ or even worse ‘the wife’. Bloody cheek! I think that’s worse, considering we aren’t even married. I would never refer to him as my husband.

I find the idea of proposals utterly cringeworthy. But people seem to like it.

Why would it be amusing if you’d never told her and never mentioned the word husband? How would you expect her to know?

YANBU. It can sound a bit over the top and performative.

Like being engaged is the most important thing to communicate about themselves.

It's a normal word, but after a certain number of my <partner/girlfriend/husband> etc I would prefer the name. Just makes them more human. Whereas in a one off situation naming their role is more relevant.

I did have a colleague who said he found fiancée awkward because it felt like he was being all look at me, I'm engaged rather than just factual.

I agree. It's a weird brag and tbh I avoid saying 'husband' and 'wife' and words like that because it just feels so outdated and like a weird status play. I put zero stock in marriage and until divorce is scrapped: being married isn't an elevated relationship status at all! You still just have a 'partner' who can leave at any time so that's the only word I use.

I had to read that twice. That’s quite … extraordinary.

Why would it be comparable to the word Wife ?

Oh, I love to call my DH, just that DH, for fun!
It makes him laugh.

On the other hand, he is my partner, my business partner.

Because all our mutual friends knew at some point we'd got married -- I mean, it wasn't something we'd hidden, or that I thought was any kind of big deal, but she was very surprised and taken aback, for some reason.

Yes, me too. Partner is a revolting term unless used in a business context.
Fiancé is correct and only sounds odd if it's a very long engagement for no particular reason, reminds me of poor Ruby Gates in the St Trinians films.

As an older MNer, the word partner exclusively meant business partner until around 30 years ago. I find it very confusing. At least with boyfriend, fiancé and husband the relationship is clear.

How will you get married if neither of you actually asks if you want to? That’s all a proposal is. And an engagement is just the time between that and the wedding, so pretty much everyone who is married had one.

I don't understand it either and I'm in my 20s.

How frequently are people talking about their business partners with you, though? What about other words which have evolved in meaning?