To find the use of the word ‘fiancé’ irritating?

[Sparklesbigtoe]

Do people still use the word fiancé to describe the person they’re engaged to on a regular basis (eg. every time they mention them to someone who doesn’t know their name they’ll say fiancé rather than partner or bf/gf)? Or is this becoming kind of outdated? There’s a woman at work who keeps saying ‘my fiancé and I this, my fiancé and I that, yesterday I said to my fiancé blah, blah’. It’s really starting to grate on me because she could easily say his name then start referring to him by it, just like everyone else does. It also struck me that other people I know who’ve been engaged recently carried on saying ‘partner’, or they might say fiancé once or twice but generally they use partner. I’m sure I’m BU to find it annoying but it feels like they’re trying to boast that someone’s asked them to marry them everytime I hear it!

Not as bad as "Hubby" that's like nails on a blackboard to me.

The only term I dislike is “other half” - it’s nice that you feel completed by your relationship, I guess, but you were fine and perfect by yourself. You have gained something great but you were already complete!

After 3 months wouldn't even use boyfriend over the age of 15), he'd still be the "guy I've been seeing", may not use the actual word 'seeing' depending on audience.

Partner is an earned title once he's put up with me long enough.

Well they are using words, which communicate meaning, so yes they most certainly are asserting your need to ‘note’.

Does the word “wife” put you in mind of old women wearing curlers and a housecoat, or suburban yummy mummies?

For the most part, I think it says a lot more about the hang ups of the people bothered by the word, than the people using the appropriate word to describe the relationship. There are a lot of people making odd assumptions.

‘Partner’ is a shit term for a boyfriend/girlfriend. Including between unmarried long-term couples: if you’ve been together for ten years just say ‘husband’ or ‘wife’.

But it’s too late to stop this crappy word now.

Yes, actually. I never referred to myself as a wife and got the ick if other people did.

I don't see it as any sort of issue. It is stating a fact.

Absolutely bizarre that this is the kind of thing apparently worth getting upset over and writing a post about. A fiancé is a whole separate thing from a boyfriend or a husband or a partner. It’s a perfectly acceptable descriptor that actually doesn’t really have an accurate alternative. Why wouldn’t you use it? Baffling. And the whole “oh it’s performative, it’s just someone boasting that they have a man”…good gods, have a word. And I’ve been married 30+ years so I’ve no skin in this game.

Oh It certainly does. You only have to be on MN to related the world around you judges, so best get on with your own shit.

It also confirms people can’t read, comprehension is limited, people have hang ups and foibles.

If she is talking to people at work who know she is engaged and perhaps the name of the partner it would seem weird to keep saying my fiance. She is probably showing off. I would be irritated too.

I first saw the word in a Mandy comic, I thought it was a misspelling of Finance.
I still don't understand the pronunciation,,, Fee- ornt- say.

God, this sort of nonsense is ridiculous.
Don’t expect people to refrain from using perfectly legitimate words because you have weird issues.

If you’re not married you aren't husband and wife, though. Boy/girlfriend would be more appropriate if you don't use partner.

One of the many things that I’d never have thought can piss people off. But it seems you’re not alone, OP. Apologies to everyone who was around me while I was engaged to my now-husband. I certainly didn’t do this because I felt somehow special, I just tend to call my boyfriend my boyfriend, my sister my sister, my fiance my fiance, my mum my mum, my husband my husband….you get the idea.

I think the word fiancé is appallingly twee (like a lot of French words which have crossed over). I also think its just a bit unnecessary: no one really cares about the exact status of someone else’s relationship. There’s something a bit needy and performative about having to have a special word to designate the fact you are going to get married but have not done so yet.

I once called someone through fire a medical appointment. They mentioned their partner in the waiting room and I apologised and asked if they wanted to call them through to be with them.

They said, oh no, I only met them last week.

OK, so you know who he is. Other people may not. I'm widowed. If I'm talking about my SIL to people who know her, I use her name. Otherwise I say SIL, or they wouldn't know who I was talking about. If I speak about my late husband on here, I say so. If I said Chris, no-one would know who I meant, or what relation he was to me.

I used boyfriend until I moved in. Partner until we got engaged. Fiancé while we were engaged and wedding planning then husband since marriage.

Partner is an ambiguous word. Fiancé is clear in meaning that it's a committed relationship with intention to marry when a legal and public commitment is made.

Partners can be as committed and legally entwined as a married couple. It might also be used from a few dates in by someone not keen on "boyfriend"

I haven't encountered fiancé being used performatively. Maybe it could be if she keeps fiddling with a knuckle-dusting diamond as she says it, or if she's a bridezilla or serial wedding planner, but that's not something I've enciuntered.

It's a useful, specific word that's worth keeping in use.

Call him what you want but take ‘marital status’ off job application forms.

When I worked in recruitment, one successful applicant stated ‘engaged’ as their marital status. It was a little cringe but even more so, what has your marital status got to do with whether you can do a job or not?

I'm afraid I'm having some difficulty comprehending this! I think some typos have garbled things. But yes, people are certainly a varied bunch.

One of my (young) colleagues has got engaged. His fiancée is a colleague in another team. He persists in calling her " my fiancée" rather than her name. It's like she's become a possession rather than a person that we know. So, that's irritating.

ha ha yes the irony! I blame auto correct

Yes tbh, I don't like thinking of myself as a "wife" either.