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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To find the use of the word ‘fiancé’ irritating?

364 replies

Sparklesbigtoe · 31/08/2026 09:06

Do people still use the word fiancé to describe the person they’re engaged to on a regular basis (eg. every time they mention them to someone who doesn’t know their name they’ll say fiancé rather than partner or bf/gf)? Or is this becoming kind of outdated? There’s a woman at work who keeps saying ‘my fiancé and I this, my fiancé and I that, yesterday I said to my fiancé blah, blah’. It’s really starting to grate on me because she could easily say his name then start referring to him by it, just like everyone else does. It also struck me that other people I know who’ve been engaged recently carried on saying ‘partner’, or they might say fiancé once or twice but generally they use partner. I’m sure I’m BU to find it annoying but it feels like they’re trying to boast that someone’s asked them to marry them everytime I hear it!

OP posts:
KilkennyCats · 31/08/2026 09:08

Why wouldn’t they? Will it still irritate you when she refers to her husband after they’re married?

EtoileLune · 31/08/2026 09:08

Have you ever been engaged?
That person IS the fiancè to me its completely different from partner/boyfriend/girlfriend

Is it grating because of some form of jealousy because its pefectly reasonable especially when work colleagues dont know the other person

40andwingingit · 31/08/2026 09:09

But it is factually correct. Is it a sore point for you OP?

CurlewKate · 31/08/2026 09:10

EtoileLune · 31/08/2026 09:08

Have you ever been engaged?
That person IS the fiancè to me its completely different from partner/boyfriend/girlfriend

Is it grating because of some form of jealousy because its pefectly reasonable especially when work colleagues dont know the other person

Oh please! Jealous????

concertinacornflake · 31/08/2026 09:11

I would say this is your personal issue. You're projecting about 'boasting', that is your internal emotional response.

Fiance is a word in common use still.

Loulou4022 · 31/08/2026 09:11

If it’s people I work with I just use his name!

x2boys · 31/08/2026 09:11

Well people are always going to be annoyed about something ....

AndAnd · 31/08/2026 09:12

'There's a woman at work I don't like. AIBU?'

Nourishinghandcream · 31/08/2026 09:12

If you are engaged then that person is your fiance and can be referred to as such.

Partner is just the modern term for boyfriend/girlfriend.

Yetone · 31/08/2026 09:13

I can see where you are coming from but it is only really annoying if he remains a fiancé for years. To me it implies that you are to be married soon.
What I really don’t like is people who say that they are getting engaged soon. Getting engaged is a promise to marry. If you are going to get engaged then you have a promise to marry so you are already engaged.

likelysuspect · 31/08/2026 09:14

Yes totally agree with you. But then I cant stand all the DH, DD, DS, DSISKWLBOW on here either.

People are so performative.

comeoncolleen · 31/08/2026 09:14

Doesn't annoy me but I find it strange especially when the wedding isn't imminent. Perhaps they don't like saying Boyfriend , or are just extremely chuffed to be getting married.

Vulturesoverhead · 31/08/2026 09:15

I get it OP. I’m married, so not jealous, but it feels a bit ‘grandstanding’. ‘Not my partner, no no, we are engaged you know’ Yes, yes whatever.

EtoileLune · 31/08/2026 09:15

CurlewKate · 31/08/2026 09:10

Oh please! Jealous????

Haha well what other reason has Op got to hate it so much... its factually correct 🤷‍♀️

gannett · 31/08/2026 09:16

I am truly amazed every day on MN about the things people decide they'll get annoyed by.

Yes, I said decide. OP, if you make the tiniest effort I'm sure you can be zen about a woman using a normal word in the normal way. In other words, get over yourself and get over it.

2chocolateoranges · 31/08/2026 09:16

But then he is her fiancé. Will it annoy you when she refers to him as her husband.

I don’t tend to use dh’s name at work unless it’s people I’m really friendly with who know his name,

Vulturesoverhead · 31/08/2026 09:16

EtoileLune · 31/08/2026 09:15

Haha well what other reason has Op got to hate it so much... its factually correct 🤷‍♀️

Yes but, so what. Why get the klaxon out on their relationship status, no one cares…. except her!

CurlewKate · 31/08/2026 09:16

This kind of “look, I’ve got a man!” talk is depressing.

comeoncolleen · 31/08/2026 09:17

Yetone · 31/08/2026 09:13

I can see where you are coming from but it is only really annoying if he remains a fiancé for years. To me it implies that you are to be married soon.
What I really don’t like is people who say that they are getting engaged soon. Getting engaged is a promise to marry. If you are going to get engaged then you have a promise to marry so you are already engaged.

Hear heat. Getting engaged soon - why not now, since everyone knows about it? I suppose it's the official announcement , photos, party etc they mean, not the important bit.

neleh87 · 31/08/2026 09:17

Haha I guess she is just chuffed to be engaged. It is a bit ridiculous when the person you are talking to already knows the fiance is called Matt or whatever.
I'd give them the benefit of the doubt for just being excited.

I have a friend who never said 'my fiance' but as soon as she was married he became 'my husband', a guy I'd known for 15 years at this point. But she's just happy to be married and it is sweet really.

CurlewKate · 31/08/2026 09:18

Nourishinghandcream · 31/08/2026 09:12

If you are engaged then that person is your fiance and can be referred to as such.

Partner is just the modern term for boyfriend/girlfriend.

No it’s not. A partner is very different from a girl/boyfriend.

RosasDanceRosas · 31/08/2026 09:21

I agree it’s a terrible, prissy word, but alas, it’s the only one we have for ‘person I’ve committed to marrying’ , unless we go very retro and start reverting to ‘my betrothed’ or ‘my intended’, which are also awful. ‘The person to whom I am affianced’? Ugh.

KilkennyCats · 31/08/2026 09:22

CurlewKate · 31/08/2026 09:18

No it’s not. A partner is very different from a girl/boyfriend.

It is, but the point is people use the term incorrectly.

daisyydaisyy · 31/08/2026 09:22

to be honest I’d be saying all the time too because I wouldn’t believe someone wants to marry me 😂😂😂

Youhadrambledonfor18pages · 31/08/2026 09:24

Yabu.

It’d be weird to say boyfriend when he’s more than a bf.
It’d be weird to say husband when he’s not yet her husband.

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