To find the use of the word ‘fiancé’ irritating?

[Sparklesbigtoe]

Do people still use the word fiancé to describe the person they’re engaged to on a regular basis (eg. every time they mention them to someone who doesn’t know their name they’ll say fiancé rather than partner or bf/gf)? Or is this becoming kind of outdated? There’s a woman at work who keeps saying ‘my fiancé and I this, my fiancé and I that, yesterday I said to my fiancé blah, blah’. It’s really starting to grate on me because she could easily say his name then start referring to him by it, just like everyone else does. It also struck me that other people I know who’ve been engaged recently carried on saying ‘partner’, or they might say fiancé once or twice but generally they use partner. I’m sure I’m BU to find it annoying but it feels like they’re trying to boast that someone’s asked them to marry them everytime I hear it!

Or ‘abide’ - in the sense of endure!

@Hoodle I think ‘bide’ as in to ‘bide one’s time’, has become archaic while ‘abide’ still holds a contemporary meaning, somewhat darker than its use as alluded to by @WearyAuldWumman

@WearyAuldWumman - I only came across the term ‘bidie-in’ recently - in a Karen Pirie novel by Val McDermid, and I love it.

In Scots, "bide" means "stay", so there is a connection.

Many years ago, I was in an (amateur) play where the last lines were

"Are you going or are you biding?"

"I'm biding."

At one point, some Fifers were referring to Camilla as "the Royal Bidie-in".

@WearyAuldWumman I love it “I’m biding”.

I love language in all it shapes and forms.

It is a shame I wasn’t in that play. I am
walking around my kitchen, hand gestures as well, saying to my fiancé, lover, partner,
live in lover “I’m biding”.

Good night x

@MNLurker1345 Good night. :)

“Engaged” seems to have become a long term situation with some people I know.

So anyway, if you have a problem with the normal, standard words fiance/husband/fiancee/wife it's very definitely a you problem.

And objecting to the concept of having a specific word for an engaged person is simply bizarre. Language routinely has convenient words for specific circumstances, you can also ditch widow and orphan if you're going to pretend fiance is an issue.

Those who discuss their circumstances get to decide how to discuss them, it's not your place to make that decision for them. If I say "I'm a widow, or "I'm an orphan" you know precisely what I mean, and I am in charge of that definition.

That's what language is for. We're not going to degrade communication to the level of Newspeak just because standard, normal terms offend you.

When discussing me, if not in my presence, you can pretend husband has no meaning and say "Man she lives with" if it comforts you.

If in my presence I will gently correct you and say "Oh do you mean my husband" - because you sound insane.

Treating fiance as somehow objectionable is making a completely ordinary piece of vocabulary into an issue when there is no issue except one you have invented.

I don't know why you feel inferior about not being engaged or having a fiance, but that's on you. And if you're going to claim you don't, in fact, feel inferior then you need to drop this nonsense, right now. Because there is simply no other plausible reason for objecting to a perfectly normal noun that is in common usage.

In fact, if you're going to pretend fiance is a problem then I absolutely insist that you must say "man I sometimes fuck and date" or "man I started living with and have sex with" instead of partner or boyfriend.

After all, it's accurate and you don't need a special term to describe anything, or anyone.

YABU. You don’t know her fiancé so it’s absolutely right that she refers to him
as her fiancé.

I agree. It just sounds so cringe.

Do you know what sounds really odd (cringeworthy if you like) to me? This particular use of the verb ‘to cringe’. Using an accepted word that’s been seen in English since the 19th century isn’t embarrassing. Repurposing verbs into other parts of speech when there are existing words to use should be.

Eloquently put, @Absolutelynot2!

@Sparklesbigtoe - do you object to other words that define relationships - mum, dad, grandma, boyfriend, girlfriend, widow, fwb etc - or is it just the existence of a word that accurately defines the person someone is engaged to, that you dislike so much?

To be honest, if your daughter referred to her boyfriend but I could see she was wearing what was obviously an engagement ring I think I'd be very confused!

I’m old-school. I think straight people poached “partner” from same-sex couples, who used to use the term to mean, “My long-term gay lover, who I live with and would marry were that legally possible.” Women talking about their male “partners” makes me cringe, so I’m perfectly fine with your colleague talking about her fiancé.

I agree. I hate 'partner'. It sounds like someone you play tennis with.

I have a theory that those that use 'D'H are trying to disguise the fact they are actually an arsehole!

Absolutely we did, when I was at uni in the 80s/90s there was a definite push to use partner as a way to be an ally so it was normalized. I think it also fit well with the move amoung straight people to living together without getting married, so filled a gap.

That's the correct term to use. Partner is awful. I prefer fiancé/boyfriend/husband.

I prefer using words which don't telegraph legal relationship status, both for myself and for others.

99% of the time I don't care whether the other people are married and fiancé sounds like over sharing. Good for you, but who cares?

This made me smile. I've been reading too much Austen lately.

I'm more annoyed with people calling someone they have known for five minutes their partner. But I know that's a "me issue".

Ha ha, yes! I have several partners as well as a husband.

What about for those in civil partnership? Where legally they are not husband and wife and neither fiancé or boyfriend are appropriate?

Of all the silly threads I've read, this one has to be one of the silliest. YABVU.

Who even is in civil partnerships these days? That died out with marriage equality.