Would you be upset if a new hire at work said this to the director? The director is my DH.

[BleefinbackBlean]

‘I’ve never worked with someone I have a crush on before’

🙄

if was said when accepting the job role via Teams.

Exactly. He was being lighthearted/flirting with her, she responded in the same tone. Great way to interact when interviewing staff. Not.

It was clearly a joke in response to the Cake Fridays thing. It wasn't a good joke, but she didn't just randomly say it out of context, did she?

Either way, it's unusual that you are feeling so bothered by this.

Even if it was said out of context and not as a joke, I would not feel "upset". I would just trust my DH to respond appropriately. It would not bother me at all in terms of any threat to our relationship - why would it?

I think you're correct about the new hire, however, totally jumping to conclusions about the directors, I imagine they were taken aback by the comment and it was an embarrassed laugh.

Yep this!

I think the OP feels threatened in some way …that’s the root of all this.

I hope you are right and it was indeed embarrassed laughter

I've changed my vote after reading the context. It's fine, lighten up.

I agree OP. Her response was inappropriate and shows a total lack of respect. I wouldn't feel comfortale either.

Love your username sparkly goat! Agree only we have the power to let it undermine us… what I meant more is that general hitting on someone’s partner is undermining to their relationship. I have mostly male friends but hope I would never say anything flirty to them, as that’s undermining to their relationship and their partner. Same for my husband with his female friends. But particularly in a work context, with a new hire, when the power dynamic towards a CEO. Urgh, it’s kinda gross. Some people are ok with flirting in a marriage context, I’m not really and nore is my husband. It’s prob largely to do with knowing where that can lead. Also to do with having been the victim of SA in a workplace with a man in position of power. Boundaries are important and this crosses one for me. Sure there will be lots of people for whom it won’t be a boundary crossed. And that’s fine, the world is made up of lots of people with varying opinions! Just after a lifetime of dynamics in the workplace to do with men and women, this crosses one for me. And in sure in most HR rule books it’s also not ok. Maybe someone who works in HR can comment if this is true!

It is most definitely inappropriate, but is it inappropriate as in way too early for jokes or is it inappropriate as in she’s trying to make a pass? It’s difficult to say without having watched the whole thing.

I'm struggling to get how her response about having a crush on him is in any way a joke in response to "cake Friday" .... where is the link? It's a completely inappropriate and incomprehensible reply... Them laughing at it was also inappropriate. This job offer should absolutely be rescinded. I can envisage problems going forward!!

Popcorn time

It's very inappropriate and shows a lack of awareness. How many other things is she going to cock up. Pardon the pun..Should not hire.

She responded to the light hearted/flirty 'Friday is cake day' comment.

Again, would the op's dh say fri is cake day if interviewing a 40yr old bloke? I highly doubt it. He set the tone and it's him who I'd be keeping an eye on.

'with', not 'for' - she doesn't necessarily mean your husband!

I was also confused how ‘Cake Friday’ would lead to that comment. Surely ‘I’m going to love it here’ or ‘this is already my favourite job ever’ is the natural response. Maybe if he said he personally made the cake himself and brought it in, that’d make more sense but it sounds like it was either a clumsy attempt at banter or setting a flirty tone from day one. Either way, it already seems like she doesn’t recognise boundaries and what’s appropriate in the workplace, so I dread to think what she’ll be like when she actually starts the job.

I understand you, and am likely the least flirty person on the planet particularly at work.

But one dumb comment isn’t grounds to upend someone’s livelihood.

OP seems sensitive about women working with her husband, and I don’t think that should be fed.

Do 40 year old blokes not like cake?

Oh come on. I'm sure they do but there is not a chance a bloke interviewing another bloke would say 'Friday is cake day'.

He was wanting a lighthearted giggly response from this attractive woman.

40yr old Colin from accounts would more likely go 'okayy' whilst thinking wtf.

Erm, no.

Agreed, context is everything. Putting someone on your Christmas card list is entirely a different context to declaring you have a crush on them.

To clarify:

”cake on a Friday”
”oh I’m going to love working here”
Absolutely fine

”cake on a Friday”
”oh, I think I love you! Ha ha ha”
OK, but a little bit awkward, unprofessional, over familiar

“cake on a Friday”
”Ooh, I have a crush on you”
Not ok, very awkward, very over familiar, very unprofessional.

On a personal level, as an employer, I’d be thinking twice about employing her. On a professional level I’d be concerned if someone who is going to be client / customer facing, blurts this kind of thing out in inappropriate situations. That kind of behaviour can also blur boundaries in employee relationships, what if she says something similar to a junior colleague.

The fact is, OP’s DH was flattered. Whether she was joking or not, it will have changed his personal view of her and the dynamics of their ongoing relationship. As PP mentioned, would they have laughed if Colin had said the same thing?

Someone I work with was a professional chef. He always brings in tasty treats and I regularly tell him how I’m going to marry him and how his wife better watch out etc.

I told his wife the first time I met her on a night out.
She thought it was hilarious and told me I could have him as I’d be doing her a favour.

They are happily married and both secure and so it’s not taken as anything but harmless banter.

It was not at the interview, it was a Teams call to offer the position, so I'm guessing there was some general familiarisation, not sure why Colin from accounts would not be told about cake Friday, as it is clearly a thing at that company. I think Colin from accounts looks forward to cake Friday but hides it from his partner, like the pork pies he buys from the petrol station on the way home. Not that I would do that but the it's really handy when the the wheelie bin is left out front ;)

I still don't see why mentioning "Cake Friday" has any bearing on her comment. Is Cake Friday modern code for something I'm missing?

This person is going to be trouble.

That is highly inappropriate to say to your new, married boss and suggests they may have intent to do something about it, so watch out.
It could be construed as gross misconduct too, I would retract any offer of I were his HR.
Unfortunately most men enjoy that kind of attention and this may have puffed up his ego. He needs to fire her immediately and stop playing.