Once again I never, ever allow anybody to use me as a dumping ground for their grubby secrets.
If someone does ask can you keep a secret I always say "I don't know". I don't know if I will be able to keep your secret till I know what it is. And I do NOT keep secrets from my husband to please other people.
Those who slither around hiding things from their husbands without thinking twice won't understand that mindset of course, being honest and open is foreign to their nature.
I might not tell my husband something and, despite the attempts to strawman, at no point ever said I tell him everything or feel compelled to do so.
I might not choose to tell him something IF it is something that doesn't affect him and IF it doesn't cause me any angst to not tell him, or IF it is something I do not want to tell him.
I make that choice, not you, not anybody else.
Because I am not a doormat or a moron, I do not agree to being coercively controlled by anyone else into keeping grubby secrets because it suits the secretive person who flapped their gums when they should not have.
So always, with no exceptions, ask if people are willing to hold your secrets before vomiting them onto decent people. And always, without exception, assume your secret will be shared once you start blabbing about it.
Grubby secrets cause no end of hassles, and I do not allow people to coercively compel me to take part in their creepy, deceptive behaviour.
I choose, and only I choose, what to tell my husband.
It is absolutely never anybody's responsibility to lie to their husband by omission or hold their tongue just because you've flapped your gums and are now panicking you'll be caught out in some behaviour you shouldn't have indulged in - whether that is gossiping or anything else.
The standard benchmark is that normal people share whatever they like with their husband. If you aren't normal in that respect, that's a you problem.
Nobody is compelled to be silent because you were stupid enough to open your trap.
and if you think it's normal to automatically hide things from your husband because someone instructed you to do so, your relationship is shit, and doomed.
So, I will make the choice of what I tell my husband. You get no say in that. This is the normal, ethical stance.
Therefore, in future, if you want your behaviour (gossip, or anything else) to remain hidden, ask first before vomiting your overshare onto other people and do not simply assume others are as sly and unethical as you and will be happy to keep secrets on your behalf.
YW :)
(Cue frothing, screeching and ranting, and logical fallacies from strawmen to ad hominem abuse - which I will once again completely ignore :))