colleague has overshared and is now embarrassed

[nearlyemptynes]

A colleague at work has been very down and she confided in me the reasons why which are to do with her husband and relationship. My husband and I have been out with them socially and my DH guessed what the problem is. She asked me if he knew and i said yes and explained he had guessed. She is now fuming that I didn't keep her secret as she says it is not my secret to share. I did not knowingly share- mu husband guessed. She is being v difficult with me. AIBU to be annoyed with her.

Some people on here are really shit friends. I hope (but doubt) that they at least have the integrity to tell their friends in advance that they can’t be trusted and intend to tell their DHs everything. But I bet they don’t, cos they’d miss out on the gossip then. Awful characters.

I once ended a friendship over this. I had told my friend something deeply personal, and asked her to keep it to herself, to which she agreed. Before anyone asks, it wasn’t something traumatic that she might have needed support with. And in front of me she told her husband. When it looked like she was about to tell him I said “please don’t do this”, even though I knew at that stage it was a fait accompli, but she just laughed and said “sure it’s only DH, who’s he going to tell?” and proceeded to tell him. I walked out of her house there and then and haven’t spoken to her since.

He guessed the issue correctly and then OP confirmed.
Lucky guess then I suppose but its still a bit suss how he knew they had problems.

Personally, in the unlikely event my dh was able to identify an issue with a colleague and guess correctly what the problem was I would just make a lightheaded comment, something like 'You may think that but I can not possible comment' or ' There always a drama at our place' and move on and change the subject.

If you want to broadcast anything in our family just tell my husband. Secrets just fall out of his mouth. His defence he forgot. He does get snitty if he is left out of the loop. He'll say well I never told anyone about ✖️ completely forgetting that he'd already blabbed it. 😅

Which one of you cheated 😂

I couldn’t imagine being in a relationship with someone where we didn’t trust each other so much that we had to tell our friends’ secrets to each other.

Yes. I think it is a sign of insecurity. If one of you is threatened by the idea that your partner is keeping a friend’s confidence, then it is not a good sign.

Precisely why I rarely tell DH anything. And I’d never confide in him or my sister anything even vaguely confidential.

Yes the OP knew because the colleague confided.

We don't know how the OP's husband knew.

Tbh when a couple is having issues it's usually blindingly obvious the minute you watch them interact.

No, some of us can be trusted not to betray our friends’ confidences.

It comes across as pretty sad.

Howard and Hilda….

I once shared something very personal with a close friend, only to have her husband bring it up with me and try and discuss it… needless to say, we are not friends now…

She's not over shared she's told you something in private she thought she could trust you with, there's a difference

My friend’s secrets will go to the grave with me!

Neither of us! What a strange take because share we things.

This !!!!

why didn't you lie

just apologise and smooth things over

Share other people’s things.

I wouldn’t keep anything from my husband. He’s my partner, there are no secrets

I don't get why it's so hard to understand. Keeping the confidence of a friend is way different to keeping a secret from your husband.

It's nothing that affects him. It's not his business. It's not deceiving him in any way. It's not disrespectful to him. It's something a friend has confided about her own life. Not yours or his.

I give up.

Is it just me who finds it really pathetic how many people tell their DPs secrets

Other people's secrets, no less.

So? I wouldn’t hide something from my husband

It's not hiding anything that's of any import to him or even any of his business.

Totally agree. My DH is not an extension of me. In fact, he says that unless everyone knows something he doesn’t want to know in case he blurts something out by mistake.

So her DH is either gay or hes rogering another woman. Am I close?

Or is it all fiction? ✅

To the people who share everything with their husband.
What if one of you worked somewhere where you're not allowed to divulge certain information. Mental health for example.
Would you still tell?
After all you don't keep secrets from your spouse...

You would obvs tell him but say no to her