Feeling awful about son's accident in the pool

[Lolarose999]

We're on holiday at the moment.. Me, DH, and DS3.

I've never panicked so much and the guilt is killing me.

I was sat in the baby pool with DS, who had a zip up life vest on.. we were playing catch, when I heard DH shout from the pool side bar asking me what side I wanted with my lunch. I turned my head to the side to shout over my response, so didnt leave the pool..This interaction was 10-15 seconds tops.

When i turned back around, DS was on his back, the vest had lifted his chest and legs upwards, but his head was under the water. From seeing and getting him out, I was maybe 2 arms lengths away, and had him up so quick.

I feel so awful, the guilt is eating away at me. He was absolutely hysterical. Hes been checked over by the life guard and also by the hotel doctor, and is thankfully fine. But its the image in my mind that's sticking with me, the fear. The thought of seeing him with such panic. I keep crying thinking how its all my fault, how scared he must have been.

Not an aibu, but just feel so incredibly guilty and hoping he forgets this happened, even if it sticks with me for a long time.

i still have the image in my mind of ds rushing into the sea, he had shoes on and so the shingle was no barrier.
he is 30 now!

The ones with the leg clip also have the correct neck/head support, so if the body is left to go floppy and float, the body remains on the back, rather than turning onto the front. Similar to the picture below once it is approved.

My view is that they don't really need swimming lessons until they are 5 as you are always in the pool supervising them anyway. DD2 only had them younger as DD1 was having them but they are an absolute money suck at that age and do very little. Whereas at five they pick it up quickly as long as it's a small group, and you might get away with only a few months or a year or so of lessons to make them into a competent swimmer.

That’s not really for your standard swimming pool. Fair enough if you’re going for an expedition on the open seas I suppose.

Mumsnet really has turned into a parody of itself on this thread. 😂

Worth adding that I went to Badgers - junior St Johns Ambulance. It was lots of fun, and I still remember Dr ABC.

I think one thing that deserves mention is that OP's husband has hopefully learned his lesson too about faffing around about her food order when she's supervising their child. I've got a husband who thinks I have magic hearing too, and can flawlessly understand and respond to him whilst a toddler asks me why the water is wet.

OP I can imagine what an awful shock this was for you. But honestly, you were the opposite of a bad parent. You put your child in a life vest, you never left his side, you never looked away for more than a moment. And the result is that your boy is safe and well. Now you know better about life vests you’ll make a different choice. And now that you’ve had this experience you will look into swimming lessons. That’s parenting - and life. We live and learn. But you never for a moment put your child in real danger. He could not have drowned in those few moments. You were present and responsible. It was a horrible experience for you both. But that doesn’t make you a bad parent. Quite the opposite. Sorry you had this experience.

Gosh, my daughter did the same when she was about the same age in a rubber ring, somehow she managed to turn herself upside down in the blink of an eye. I was also in the pool with her but had turned my head to have a brief conversation. She was fine but I was scared shitless! Lesson learned you literally can't take your eyes off them for second. These thing happen and no harm done, you have to let it go now.

You are shocked and traumatised over this potentially life threatening incident which is understandable.
I think you response is normal.
You have reflected and learnt from it.

1. You cannot take your eyes off small children near or in water.
2. review life jacket floatation aids.
3. get you little one swimming lessons that include water safety skills.

Most parent have a similar moment regarding safety at some point. Mine was not water related but equally as shocking and guilt inducing. My 3 yr old was securely belted in her car seat,i parked in a busy car park and left her in the car whilst i paid at he parking meter. the meter was about 15m away. i could see my car. As i concentrated on putting in the car registration details and making payment i felt a tug on my trouser leg ,my DD had unbelted herself got out of the car and walked past parked and parking cars to follow me. I was hysterical at the danger and risk. The guilt was horrible. I did learn from the experience though and took extra measures re type of car seat . But it did haunt me for a while.

I'm in Australia, our 3 year olds aren't different. I'd be worried if a 3 year old couldn't manage 15m alone, many manage a lot more. That said, they still need to be supervised at that age, no matter how well they swim.

OP, you've had a fright, but he's okay and you've already learnt from the experience. For me, swimming is a life skill, an absolute essential. Our kids did quite a lot of activities growing up, they chose all sorts of things along the way, but swimming was never optional when it really can be the difference between life and death.

Was it actually marketed as a 'life' vest

I think if most Australian 3-yr olds can manage 15m alone, then they are different to most UK 3-yr olds (as is clear from this thread).

Swimming is absolutely a life skill, and just like a lot of life skills children learn them at different times and to different levels of competency, for want of a better word.

It really isn’t a race. Reading is a life skill but the horror when four year olds are ‘pushed’ into it on here compared to lovely Scandinavia where they ‘don’t start school until they are seven’ is notable. Cooking is a life skill, so are self care skills and driving but we don’t have three year olds do those for sensible reasons.

There is no way to force a child to learn to swim. By all means give them lessons and encourage them but it isn’t a parenting failure if they can’t (fgs!)

Oh poor you OP. My absolute parenting low point was when my youngest was a similar age and we're were at a fun pool in Guildford and she was playing in super shallow water but there was a tiny slope next to this area down to a slightly deeper bit. I was sitting at the bottom of that talking to my friend and took my eyes off her for a moment and when I looked back she was floating face down in the water. There was a lady right next to her so I know it must have been seconds at most but I just knew she wouldn't have got out of that alone.

I am quite a pragmatic person but it haunted me for a while.

It's tough being a parent I personally think avoiding near misses all together is impossible.

Those vests are banned where I live because they're so dangerous. Get him arm bands.

British children are just coddled and parents won't invest the time and money in saving their lives. All Dutch children can swim 15m in clothes before they're 5 and parents are rightly considered neglectful if they've not sent them to lessons.

lessons are recommended at 4 in UK
if not 7

This poster posts a LOT and often has interesting predicaments. I have noticed because her name is my favourite Quality street.

Arm bands aren't really any different. Both will say on them only to be used under supervision.

People aren't understanding the difference between a buoyancy aid and a lifevest.

Some Australian children can swim like do fish but there are plenty who can’t because it is expensive. It’s a huge problem that only children from privileged backgrounds learn to swim that Australia has been tackling for decades and was highlighted when a boy called Jordan Rice died in the floods in Queensland.

According to the RLSA 60% of kids start lessons before age 3, but most have dropped out before age 7.
More than half of 10-year-olds and 40% of 15-year-olds can’t swim 50 metres, and most of those may never swim, placing them at life-long elevated risk of drowning.

It’s great that your children did lots of swimming growing up but the OP was in a pool and her boy is three so is growing up right now.

It's not the what to teach, it's the HOW to teach it. How do you teach someone to float? What do they need to do with their body to keep themselves afloat? That's what I found difficult.

Anyway, DD is a teen now and happily swims about under the water after a holiday with a pool and having no fear.

Only country where I’ve seen really small children able to swim confidently is Finland. I went to stay with a Finnish friend who has a house near a huge lake. Her DC (4 & 5) happily jumped in as did the other nearby
kids. My friend lived in England for many years so understood that my similarly aged DC were not able to swim so well and explained to her parents that children here start learning around 4/5 years old. I think they were a bit taken aback as it really is the norm for Finnish children to be able to swim very early. Her dad told me to “just chuck them in the water, that’s how I learned”😂

Thank you all for your lovely words of encouragement, and for sharing your own stories.

Dh has been told in future, to never clarify if I want chips, as this is a stupid question.

Ds seems to have forgotten the incident from yesterday and we've been in the pool already together.. minus the bloody vest.

It is defo a stupid question, as surely the answer is always yes.

I can well imagine the kids who swim at 3 are those with access to private pools, who can be in the pool for 10-15 minutes, with a parents, every day or at least multiple times a week.

Its much more difficult to get kids swimming if they are only in a pool for 30mins a week and in a class with 6 or 7 other kids.