Feeling awful about son's accident in the pool

[Lolarose999]

We're on holiday at the moment.. Me, DH, and DS3.

I've never panicked so much and the guilt is killing me.

I was sat in the baby pool with DS, who had a zip up life vest on.. we were playing catch, when I heard DH shout from the pool side bar asking me what side I wanted with my lunch. I turned my head to the side to shout over my response, so didnt leave the pool..This interaction was 10-15 seconds tops.

When i turned back around, DS was on his back, the vest had lifted his chest and legs upwards, but his head was under the water. From seeing and getting him out, I was maybe 2 arms lengths away, and had him up so quick.

I feel so awful, the guilt is eating away at me. He was absolutely hysterical. Hes been checked over by the life guard and also by the hotel doctor, and is thankfully fine. But its the image in my mind that's sticking with me, the fear. The thought of seeing him with such panic. I keep crying thinking how its all my fault, how scared he must have been.

Not an aibu, but just feel so incredibly guilty and hoping he forgets this happened, even if it sticks with me for a long time.

Oh you poor thing. He’s ok. It was a moment. He’s ok. I think most parents if they admit it have had a near miss at one point or other. When my son was 3 he took his vest off, stepped out of his ring and jumped into the deep end( to catch a float). Luckily I saw and got round the pool fast enough to scoop him out but it was very frightening. You were there, he is ok. Massive hug xxx

That sounds really traumatic for you and ds. I will echo what several other people said, those vests are not safe. You’re better off supporting your child in the water. Hindsight is a wonderful thing though! X

Oh how I feel your guilt, not water related but mine involved a very windy day, and a toddler in pushchair at the edge of the water, in Boscastle. My elder daughter was being walked to the headway with my DH I was calling out for him to hold her our girls hand tight, I literally took my hand off the buggy for a few seconds to wave both arms to get their attention, then I turned to see the buggy being wind propelled heading towards the edge of the rock filled water.. Time stood still, I have never moved so quickly in my life - My poor DH was stood with mouth agape, I think we were all in shock, I still question why I didn't put on the brakes.. 😔
Our girl's 23 now but I still shudder at the thought of what might have happened..
Thank goodness all was well for you too, it's a terrible lesson and probably one you won't ever forget..
But don't be too harsh on yourself, it can happen to the best of us.. ❤️

Mine certainly could

On a lighter note, I’m amazed no one has suggested you have a husband problem, or LTB for thinking you may have preferred a salad over chips 🤣

As shocking and terrifying as it must have been, he is fine. You have learnt a valuable lesson to never take your eyes off him when in water.
At the baby swimming class I use to attend, we had to frequently dunk them under water and make them swim through hoops etc. My daughter because quite distressed by this despite the instructor insisting it was good for her.... The look in her eyes of 'why are you doing thia to me, you're supposed to be my safe person' was so awful for me as a mum, I just couldn't do it anymore. I stopped going and she's fine now.
You little boy will get over this I promise.

That's great! That's not what I asked though. Do you think most 3-yr olds in the UK can swim?

That mum guilt is really hard to shake off, we mums have to be kinder to ourselves. Hindsight is a wonderful thing but you couldn’t have expected that to happen in those 15 seconds.
my DS is 3.5 years old and he has been going to swimming lessons since he was 6 weeks old. He uses armbands when we’re in a leisure pool on holiday so I can do swimming laps whilst he plays. I don’t worry because he is quite confident and knows to pedal and kick his legs and blow under water and reach for the sides of the pool to hold on. I think learning to swim is such a vital lesson all kids should have. Maybe this is your chance to sign him up for lessons for his safety and your peace of mind

It only takes a second for something bad to happen especially in the water. Accidents happen, that doest make you a bad parent it makes you human. Its lucky that it wasn't worse.

Curious as to where you are?
Why are buoyancy aid vests banned but not arm bands?

Does that mean buoyancy aids are also banned for watersports?
Often they are preferred to lifevests because you can swim in them get back to your windsurf or whatever.

It was an accident OP. I still remember the first time we took DS on holiday. We went down to the beach, walked over the sand dunes then DS saw the sea and took off like a rocket. His clothes were flying off and he charged straight into the sea completely naked. Both me and ex-DH were totally caught off guard and wasted valuable seconds staring at each other in confusion.

I also remember being at the beach with my parents. My dad would wade out to knee level in the sea with a dingy then tie it to a stake in the sand so we could play in it without being out of our depth in the water. But one day he forgot to tie it up. I floated out quite far in the water then jumped out as usual expecting the sea to come up to my waist. I went straight under, totally lost my bearings and couldn’t work out how to get back to the beach.

Fortunately a swimmer grabbed me and dragged me back in. My parents hadn’t even noticed!

He quite possibly is, but he's also quite skinny & short, so even if he could swim well, a lot of the pools were quite deep, he couldn't have stood up, my very tall 10yo could only just in some of the pools. (For context I'm 5ft 1in and she's almost as tall as me) It helped him feel a little independent. I must stress, at all times either my Dad or I were in the pool with him, but it did mean I was able to relax a little - well, as much as any parents can when kids and water are concerned.
We are looking into an intensive swimming course ahead of next summer to help his strength and confidence with his swimming as well as hoping to encourage stamina with other sports too.

When you said accident, I thought you mean't poo!

I'd try to get him into regular weekly lessons. And if you can do a family swim once a month.

But I appreciate juggling that on your own isnt easy.

only Words of comfort Op, it’s done now. I know you must feel awful but please try to move past it. He is ok and you are not a bad parent.

I doubt he will remember...but he might remember you being upset about something if you dont keep it from him. My son got into difficulty at an older age on a holiday in Spain in the pool. He could just about swim but panicked in the deep end. I jumped in fully clothed and scooped him out. All he remembers is I jumped in and 'saved' him. You really need to try to let it go and get a different inflatable vest.

So did I!!

Good for you and them.........

Did that make you feel better?

Dont beat yourself up. Hes okay and you wont make the same mistake twice xx

Don’t be hard on yourself we all just do our best. My son choked very badly once on a sweet I gave him - still feel guilty - he also jumped into a pool without armbands or life jacket ( could not swim) - never moved so fast when we saw what had happened. All was well - he does not remember either event - although of course I do!! - he is now 37 !!
your son is completely fine and that’s all that matters … so hard being a mum sometimes 🩷

You were exactly where you were supposed to be, just two arms’ length away and so you were easily able to rescue him. Well done you for being so on it. Horrible shock though!! Don’t let it ruin your holiday ❤️

When I was three, my parents didn’t realise I’d gotten out of bed one evening and followed my dad out to the pool (grew up in a hot country) where he was sorting out the chlorine for the night. Our Rottweiler started going absolutely ballistic and wouldn’t stop barking. When my dad came back out from the area behind a wall where he stored the chemicals, he found me at the bottom of the pool.
The gate to the pool was always locked and I was pool-safe when supervised, but clearly not when in pyjamas in the middle of the night…
They were obviously both completely traumatised and wracked with guilt, and they became even more vigilant about the pool (although I don’t blame my dad for not realising I had followed him when they thought I was fast asleep!)
It was an incredibly lucky outcome thanks to a pretty heroic dog who always treated me like her own puppy, but the main thing is that I don’t remember it at all. We obviously need to be conscious of not exposing our kids to unnecessary trauma, but something like this often stays with us far longer than it stays with our kids. Especially if they get a chance to experience the activity in a positive way as soon as possible after x

Absolutely stop beating yourself up, book some lessons when you get back at your local pool. I took both mine as babies from a few months old and they get them to be used to being submerged. If your DC hasn’t had his head under the water before then he has panicked but it’s easily fixed and you’ve learnt a valuable lesson that the life jacket is clearly not safe. Everything is fine and you need to try and enjoy the rest of your holiday x

I just want to say after scrolling through the first page: both my kids were in swimming lessons from when they were toddlers, and in my admittedly anecdotal experience, it is not true that "most 3-year-olds" can swim or indeed float. However, swimming lessons are still a fine idea.