AIBU to go on the trip without my husband if he can’t afford it?

[Darknightsdarkmoods]

My husband and I have a long standing group skiing trip with our school friends, every February. This year has been hard financially, particularly for my DH, who is in a low paid job and has little disposable income. He has a little bit of debt and no savings. My financial position is slightly better, and I have always prioritised holidays as a use of my disposable income, unlike my DH.

We have no children and have always had separate finances. Obviously we help each other out where we can.

Our ‘plan’ for next year was a 2 week long haul holiday sometime in Spring. We will have no significant plans prior to this due to DHs finances. I have savings to cover my half of this set aside.

Upon discussing the ski trip today, my DH expressed disappointment that he wouldn’t be able to afford to go, although he wanted to try and ‘make it work’ and would consider going into further debt to make it happen. When questioned about the knock on effect to our planned trip, he stated he would rather go on this group trip than our couples holiday. He also stated he would be ‘irritated’ if I went on the ski trip without him, which I was not significantly considering (for financial reasons), but I don’t think is his right to decide on my behalf. (It’s worth mentioning I attended this trip alone several times before DH and I were serious, and other solo friends attend).

AIBU to be annoyed he would prioritise a group trip he can barely afford, get into further debt OR tell me if he can’t go, I can’t go?

It depends on why someone can't afford to go. For example my ex husband earned 2k, I earned one. I had 2 dependant kids, him none.

Split bills 50/50 ( after a struggle to get him to cough up)

So he was left with more spare money than me and less expenses. Yet he could spunk the lot and be on the ponce by the end of the month whereas I saved

In what world should I be using my savings to pay for him to go on a holiday?

Exactly. Why should OP who earns a small amount more than him have to use savings. He used his spare cash to buy other things.
Every store in the country will be looking for evening shelf stackers for Christmas. He could earn an extra 600 a month part time.

What a nutty marriage. I wonder if you actually like each other

Marriage is a legal contract that's says all of your stuff is your stuff together.

Why get married if you just want to act like boyfriend and girlfrien?

No it isn't. It's far more woolly than that.

And you got married ...... because.

This is a marriage? You sound more like friends with benefits, and not good friends at that.

It is more complex than that but the general view of marriage is that you throw your stuff in together, warts and all and become a team.
If you say the traditional vows you certainly vow to share everything but I am wondering if these days people say their own vows and make it clear from the outset "What's mine is mine & I won't be sharing anything with you".
But personally i think having that attitude makes a mockery of marriage and renders it pointless. Might as well just live together and avoid all the hassle. Keeps it clear & simple that way.

Not always, depending on where you live, the law may see everything earned and accrued during the marriage is equally yours regardless of who earned more and if you kept your finances separate or not. In a divorce if the law says it's equally Both's money then there you go.....

Nowhere in the uk gives you joint ownership of your spouse’s property or income on marriage.

Husband ? Separated finances ? Don’t you understand what being married means ?

It’s usually only in very short marriages that money isn’t considered legally as shared

Sorry but how are you guys married? Sounds like a room mate type arrangement? If he can’t afford to go, then you can’t afford to go?

of course he’s going to want to go on a big group trip which all his friends are going on if he has to pick one.

of course he would be annoyed if you went without him.

what’s the actual point of being married when people have financial arrangements like this???

I would be saying that WE can’t go this year but we’ll look forward to next. And I’d help him save up.

He should be prioritise having savings, not expensive ski trips and other holidays.

This is an unrecognisable scenario to me. If my DH can’t afford it then neither can I. Our money is our money. What’s the point of your marriage?

Length of marriage has no impact on what you legally own while you are married.

My husband left me and our children a few days ago and keeps avoiding collecting his things and giving me my house/ spare car keys back. I have asked multiple times for him to collect and give my keys back but all I get is oh I will tomorrow or he’s busy

Help him save up? Like getting a child to put money in a piggy bank???

Good grief I divorced my husband for being so shit with money,