AIBU to insist my parents book a hotel for their visit?

[WalkBackwards]

We have moved house recently and our parents have been wanting to visit. We have said they can but that they will have to book a hotel as the spare bedrooms aren’t ready yet, or they can wait another couple of months and everything will be done in the house so they can then stay with us.

They asked if there are beds in the spare rooms, which there are, so they suggested one of our children (adult and teenager) could sleep in there and they could have their room. I said no as the spare rooms are messy and being used for storage. They have now messaged our children to ask if they mind sleeping in another room so they can have their bedroom. I called my mum and told her not to do that, we had said no and if they want to visit, they need to get a hotel or wait.

Were we unreasonable to say no to this? My parents plan to visit for 2 weeks at the start of September. My oldest child is only here til just after they plan to leave as he is going back to uni and my teenager needs her own space for studying as she is starting year 13.

@WalkBackwards responded to her parents asking if there was a spare room in the affirmative but explained that messy and full of stuff. She did not offer it to her parents.
Her parents then asked if there was a bed in the spare room
The Op said yes but still didn’t offer it to them
The grandparents then asked if the grandkids could sleep in there

so if you read the Op…. At no point does the Op actually say she said to her parents that despite it being very messy, they could still stay in it

My kids would happily sleep in it at a relatives house, but they are in their own home and want their own room with their own things.

You're probably aware though that that's quite an extreme reaction and frankly any parent whod let happen would be pretty selfish

Why can’t your kids sleep in the living room so their grandparents can stay?
I can’t fathom making my parents stay in a hotel

No I’m asking if you would feel happy with your parents sleeping in the room? Messy and full of stuff? As no where in your Op do you seem to actually suggest they sleep in the spare room despite the mess

Well maybe if multiple people are not understanding the nuances of your post, maybe it's you. Just a thought.

Is it the cost of a hotel room for a fortnight in peak season that is a factor Op?

Yes the boxes. It’s also got gym equipment stored in it as the garage is currently being worked on which is where all that stuff will go. It’s a big room so they would still have room but they wouldn’t like to stay in a room where everything isn’t just so.

I don't think there's any mystery about understanding why the mum doesn't want to stay in the spare room, she just doesn't what to
Does it matter what the reason is ? It doesn't sound like there's any chance of her changing her mind. She's a grown woman, she knows the result it that she doesn't get to stay at all, her choice

They are welcome to sleep in there but I know my mum and know there is not a chance of her sleeping in there. I’ve explained why.

This thread is weird, how can anyone not understand people staying in a hotel?

I don't have children old enough to have their own homes but when they do I won't mind at all if circumstances mean I have to stay in a hotel or airbnb, it's not a bad thing or an insult or judgement on the closeness of the relationship

Life happens

The multiple people sound remarkably similar. Move onto another post if you don’t understand mine.

The thread has been helpful as I didn’t think of an Airbnb, probably because I have so much going on at the moment and don’t know you could negotiate the price. It’s also been helpful to see most people don’t think I’m being unreasonable. It’s always nice to get a sense check and reassurance.

Having someone in your life who struggles with anxiety and what I think is ocd is difficult. I’m trying to be understanding to my parents as well as not make our life harder than it is right now with work, a new house, renovations, kids preparing for back to college and uni etc.

The thing with house renovations is that everything is a mess. Stuff is in the wrong places, there’s dust and noise, there’s an endless trail of builders going in and out, there are vans playing Tetris on the driveway. Some days the water/ gas/electricity have to go off for a few hours.

Someone too hoity-toity to sleep in room which also contains some boxes and dumbbells alongside a perfectly good bed is unlikely to be happy about the rest of the disruption around the house.

3hrs away so they could drive there and back in day - or stay 1/2 nights. No need for 2weeks

if they don’t went to sleep in the spare bedroom knowing they have a bed

then they don’t come or stay in a b&b which will be costly for 2weeks

Read my posts and I’ve explained. 😀

Not that we have a spare room anyway but I just don’t want overnight guests. Guess that means I don’t love my parents going by some of these responses.

OP you’ve tried to accommodate and they’re not interested unless it’s what they want.

My child is entitled to their own space, it is their home too. I can’t fathom being so entitled that I couldn’t accept a no in good grace, particularly if I’m asking for someone’s hospitality.

Yes but have you actually said “mum you can sleep in the spare room despite it being full of stuff”

and… could it be financials is a factor?

I haven't read everything but skimmed I can't understand some of the comments here! They want to stay for 2 weeks!! Thats a lot! If I lived with my parents for two weeks it would be intense and hard work (and we are close!) And invading on your set up with the teenagers etc, its their home not your parents, if it was like 2 or 3 nights id say YABU but in this case hell yeah they should get a hotel, atleast for half of it and compromise??

This does sound like OCD then - your poor mum and poor you. Saying that, she is being totally unreasonable because mental illness can be totally unreasonable. It sounds like staying with you will be stressful anyway what with the renovations.

Hopefully the Airbnb will be a solution that can work for all of you in the future.

If i offered my parents to stay at mine they would decline anyway and book a hotel! But they are super fussy and like their own space.

Yes, I’ve already confirmed that I suggested it. I knew they wouldn’t but did ask.

Money shouldn’t be an issue, they’re rich, but very tight with some things and not others. They’ insisted on paying towards school fees and then uni tuition fees and accommodation, but then deny themselves a few pounds on a slice of cake in a cafe. I’ve spoken to them about it many times but they don’t change. Like now, I’ve sent them the link to the Airbnb and said we will pay, our treat, but they’re still saying it’s a waste of money. In the next breath they’re offering to buy our daughter a new car. It makes no sense.

Are they very close to your grandchildren? When they received the messages, did your kids say they’d be happy to give up their rooms?

They want to spend their money on you and your children, and don’t want to spend it on themselves ❤️

Is this sarcasm I can't figure it out!

No way it’s genuine

They sound lovely