AIBU to insist my parents book a hotel for their visit?

[WalkBackwards]

We have moved house recently and our parents have been wanting to visit. We have said they can but that they will have to book a hotel as the spare bedrooms aren’t ready yet, or they can wait another couple of months and everything will be done in the house so they can then stay with us.

They asked if there are beds in the spare rooms, which there are, so they suggested one of our children (adult and teenager) could sleep in there and they could have their room. I said no as the spare rooms are messy and being used for storage. They have now messaged our children to ask if they mind sleeping in another room so they can have their bedroom. I called my mum and told her not to do that, we had said no and if they want to visit, they need to get a hotel or wait.

Were we unreasonable to say no to this? My parents plan to visit for 2 weeks at the start of September. My oldest child is only here til just after they plan to leave as he is going back to uni and my teenager needs her own space for studying as she is starting year 13.

I just think the OP and her parents are from two different worlds!

Really? My point is that her parents sound quite lovely

Both parties could be lovely but my point is they are from different worlds

How do you know?

If it is temporary a bit of jiggling around wont be hard. They shouldnt have gone behind your back. Surely you can shove a few boxes out of the way though?

Good grief that is very ageist and insulting. They are in their 60s not their 80s! - most people are still working at that age.

I think they sound rather controlling (speaking as a woman in her 60s)

They won't spend money to help OP out who is dealing with house move, working from home, child going to uni plus builders renovating the house

You are not being unreasonable they are very pushy and I’d be furious that they went behind my back

I’ve been reading through and it feels like a compromise could be reached. It sounds like they’re used to having more access and really want to see your son before he goes to uni. So waiting won’t work. For a variety of reasons they find travel difficult and staying in a chaotic room hard. So… can you go pick them up? Can they take the train?

personally I’d say a week (or long weekend even if you can sort the transport) and put them in your son’s room. He’s packing up anyway so can pack things up into the spare room and they can sleep in his room. Or shift the random stuff into his room and they have the guest room. I think two weeks is way too long but your son should be able to flex for 4/5 nights. I can totally see why they don’t want to wait and it sounds like you’ve all spent a lot of time together up until now so it’s understandable that she’s struggling.

We're in our 60s and usually book an hotel when visiting the DC. My in-laws used to stay for a week at a time and 30 years in, MIL still hadn't foumd the kettle. We don't want to impose and want their lives and our visits to be easy for them!

Wait. They are only in their 60s and behaving like this, thinking that 3 hours is such a huge trip that they can't just come for along weekend?! I assumed from reading this that they were in their 80s.

Two weeks is the real issue. I imagine if they were just coming for a weekend (which is appropriate, given that 3 hours is NOT far and could even be a day trip, and especially given everything you have going on in your house and with your kids and jobs) that putting the kids out of their rooms for two nights would be inconvenient but doable.

Do they intend to always stay so long when they visit in the future?

Jesus, if your posts are you "trying to show compassion" and "find a solution", I'd hate to read what you'd write if you're not trying!

You have persisted in ignoring what OP has actually offered to do to facilitate her DP's visit, and keep replying to what you presumably think she might have written, or should have written, or could have written.

IT'S SO FRUSTRATING!

You called me rude for pointing out how your assertion that you'd give your parents your own bedroom and why can't OP do the same was COMPLETELY IRRELEVANT because OP had already explained why that was not acceptable to her DP.

It's not a case of "only being able to comment if you agree wholeheartedly with the OP".

It's a case of READ ALL OP'S COMMENTS before commenting yourself.

Honestly, I'm amazed OP is still engaging on this thread, given the number of frankly stupid repetitive comments she has had to deal with.

Hi @WalkBackwards , hope the wine helped tonight!

I don't drink, but reading some of the replies you've received I wish I did.

When I rule the world I will issue a decree to make it illegal to write a comment on a thread without AT LEAST reading ALL of the OP's comments.

It's so easy to read them all!

But no, we have people confidently asserting on page 10 that 'OP should give up her bedroom for her DP, and she should sleep in the spare room. That's what I did, I'd rather sleep under a bridge than have family stay in a hotel'.
Or 'why can't you just shove some boxes out of the way and DP can stay in the spare room?'. Etc etc etc.
When these, and many other suggestions, have been discussed in previous OP comments.
Etc etc etc.
🤦‍♀️ 😡 🙄

Good luck with all the renovation work!

@WalkBackwards YANBU at all. Your parents want to visit at the worst time possible for you and it is perfectly reasonable to say please can you come at Christmas instead.

We just rearranged a relative's visit as we are about to move house and there are boxes everywhere, we don't have access to lots of things and the house is in a state. They pushed back a bit but it isn't just about the mess, it's about our stress levels and the fact that we wouldn't be able to spend time with them as we've got to finish packing - the removalists are booked!

You have offered your parents a variety of compromises and they don't want to budge and THAT is the reason they can't visit this time, not you. I think messaging your kids directly was unreasonable and I think continuing to push when they must know you are stressed with the building work, DS leaving for uni etc. is unfair. I think you need to stand your ground and stop trying to find solutions for them. They can't stay with you this time, there have been other times and will be again.

The would buy a car for their grandchild but not spend £100 a night for example so £1400 for air b&b

. I said no as the spare rooms are messy and being used for storage.

so @WalkBackwards said her parents can’t sleep in teens room and her teens sleep in the spare room as it is messy and being used for storage but… hey “if you want to sleep in the spare room mum and dad, knock yourself out!”

Honestly, after reading her posts on this and other threads, I think that living under a bridge would be her natural habitat.

Lovely in some ways but not in others. They are really stressing OP out at the moment with their insistance on coming to stay for two weeks when OP's new house isn't ready for visitors and she has workmen in fitting a new en suite bathroom during their stay.

I'm not sure why they won't wait a few weeks until the house, particularly the spare room, is ready for visitors and will meet their exacting requirements.

Wrong of them to approach your children behind your back. Sorry if I have missed this bit, but did you speak to your parents about them going behind your back?. I think I’d be looking for an apology. They need to know that it’s not ok and you need to know that they won’t do it again.

At the end of the day, it’s your house, so your choice. You have enough upheaval going on as it is, and you also need to put your kids first. Grandparents can see them just before your son leaves, and your daughter at the same time…they are your priority at the moment. Maybe if all is straight before Christmas, they can visit then with you all.

Let them sleep in your spare room and stop being so precious

Just to say to OP that I do completely get it. OP knows her parents and while most of us and our parents would be happy to sleep in an unfinished room in order to see family - OP has offered this to her parents - and they don’t want this and so are trying to eject GC from their rooms which the OP is not on board with.
it’s a simple choice for the parents - stay in the slightly chaotic spare room and make the best of it but at least be in the family home - or rent an AirBnB or book a hotel so that the accommodation is up to scratch if not on site.
It is OP’s house and she is already compromising on the timing of the visit - so her suggestion seems completely reasonable.

Why don't you give up your room and let them sleep in there? They are your parents after all and it's 2 weeks ?

If you read the OP’s posts you will get your answer,

So they visit and take him out and spend time with hun