AIBU to feel worn down by DH's constant moaning?

[Theendisinsight88]

Another day another argument with DH

To put into context, coming to the end of school holidays, it's been hard. DC are 5 and 10. I've done the bulk of childcare or sorted out clubs, babysitting etc and a combination of wfh where possible etc. But its been a long few weeks. Dh has done 1 day at home so I coukd go into the office and even then complained it's been hard

Today's argument started because I was Wfh but had to drop eldest dc off at an activity between calls. Did a quick lunch kids too plates out, but I didn't notice some crumbs were on a chair that they didn't tidy up. Got back and had to rush on a call, so dh came home and threw a strop that there were crumbs there. Asked why I didn't get the kids to tidy up properly before we went out. Explained they took plates and bowls out but that's not good enough

Later on dh was partially napping on the sofa, but was awake as he'd asked me the time 3 times. So knew he was awake. I then dropped something which made a noise while tidying up and he had a go at me for making noise while he napped

Then moaned at me because this morning because I forgot to tell him I was having a shower this morning (I often shower at night) and then he moaned about the wasted effort he had just done on cleaning the shower ( wiping the screen down)

I am probably over thinking this as it's been a long few weeks, my job is demanding and I've not had 2 seconds to myself in 5 weeks (dh been away/out most weekends as well) and I'm exhausted but the constant moaning is killing me

I can't see he contributes anything to you or your children's happiness. Struggling to understand why you are still with him.

He doesn’t get you a drink when he is up?

This is unacceptable. Crumbs and shower screens - quicker to wipe than to moan. He is being deliberately annoying and childish.

What he thinks and the facts appear to be two different sets.

Have you considered charting what each of you does with colour coding, just to clarify how much more time you contribute to
family maintenance than he does.

I am never getting over doesn’t pick you up a drink. Sheesh.

Fight fire with fire. He is being very rude and unfair.

HE is the lazy one, going to sleep every afternoon when he’s supposed to be looking after DC.

Every time he “forgets” to serve you a drink at dinner, you should “forget” to make him a coffee in the morning.

Get rid of him. If he doesn't like how you do things do a list and say these are your jobs, these are mine. I cook, you clean. I launder you iron fold and put away. I hoover you clean. He won't do this. How dare he police your drink choices. Get your own home without him in it. Run it the way you want it and get at least 1 day a week to yourself when he has the kids on a strict contact schedule. Life will be a little easier and a LOT less stressful without his constant moaning. It will wear you down and make you resentful then you won't leave because of the kids and before you know it life has slipped past and all you can see ahead of you is another 30 years with a man who has got meaner and moanier with time. Is that what you want?

The crux of everything is that he is a misogynist. He sees you (as a woman) as there just to serve him and the children. He doesn’t like that you have a job because it takes you away from being at his beck and call.
It also gives you some financial independence. This is a man who would love you to be completely in his control.
Never give up or reduce your working hours- when you are ready to leave you will be very glad you kept your financial independence.
Nothing you do will ever be good enough as deep down he thinks women are beneath him and it suits his desire for power to keep you in a constant state of insecurity.

I think he’s jealous that you manage to do a full time job, all the house stuff and the kid stuff and he looks like a lazy shit coming home for a nap when you both got up the same time and you carry on.
he would rather you worked and earned less so he could say I’m the breadwinner you pick up all the house and kid shit but actually you earn equally and you do all the family stuff.
he sounds like an awful bully and i guarantee you’ll be much happier as a single parent.

Why, oh why, are you putting up with this shit?

For goodness sake OP, dump this lazy arse!

It sounds like you are being ground down by him and his moaning, while he does A BIG FAT NOTHING!!! What do you think this is teaching your kids?

I repeat

DUMP THIS LAZY ARSE!

Life would be so much easier without him, I GUARANTEE it!

Oh, and please answer this question:

Why haven't you kicked him out already?

Why are you with him?

He adds nothing to your life.You'd be happier without him.

He's sabotaging your job on purpose.
He's undermining you and wearing you down on purpose.
He doesn't like you.

You know that right?

Don’t think I’ve ever said this before but please leave. He is bringing absolutely nothing but stress to the table. You earn the same yet he has an issue with your job. You do your job and childcare he naps then complains about crumbs. You make him drinks he spitefully won’t return the favour. He swans off at weekends and you aren’t even allowed to take a shower when you want. I’m livid on your behalf - just what is the point of him!

He’s a complete twat, but don’t come for my afternoon nap. One of life’s little pleasures!

I'm guessing that, in an ideal world, your husband would love for you to be a SAHM and pick up everything related to he house and kids, so he can just do whatever he fancies.

He sounds insufferable.

I would have an open chat with him about the current dynamics, the workload split and his behaviour. Is he is still agressive and challenging, you might want to consider to separate, even if temporarily. I'm sure you'd feel a positive difference very quickly.

Why are you putting up with this?
You are teaching your children that it's ok for them to be treated the same by their partner one day.
If you both work full time, he cleans and cooks half the time also.
Why's is everything down to you?