To ask if you’d be allowed to do this?

[Lighterthansprite]

I rarely ever have a night away - just for context. The last one was about 2 years ago and I can’t remember the time before that. DH has never liked it much (he has had nights away, including several nights abroad with friends for stags / birthdays etc)

Unfortunately it has happened that I have an agreed night away coming up shortly, which has been planned for ages to see a concert, but another close friend has now asked me if I am able to go with her for a spa night the weekend before as the person she originally planned to go with can’t make it.

So I’d be away two weekends - one after the other. I haven’t even asked yet… I don’t know if it’s unreasonable to do so? Two children - nearly 18 and 12.

Would your DH / partner allow you to go?

Of course my partner would let me go?!!

Totally. It's not a big deal.

Dh would be fine - allowed feels like a strong word as there’s no way he would disallow me iyswim

I wouldnt need to ask for permission.

YABU for even asking this question

Of course my dh would be happy for me to go.

Of course he would let me go, he’s not my parent I’m not a child, we support each other as long as he gets equal time it’s fine.

DH would be fine with that. How come your partner has more nights away than you?

My partner would encourage me to go if I wanted to.

Allowed??????

Why did you ask if we would be allowed to do this, do you need to ask your husband for permission like a child and think this is normal?

Is he controlling in other ways?

18 and 12?!!! I though you'd say you had 2 under 5. The fact you're even asking is concerning, why on Earth can't you have a life?

Well no, I wouldn't be "allowed" to go because I wouldn't be asking permission. I'd say "I'm off to a spa weekend on the 15th" and DP would say "that sounds good, have fun"

Yes. My partner is happy for me to go away for a few nights every now and again. I’m happy for him to do the same.

I think that’s pretty normal in most relationships?

I wouldn't dream of asking permission, it's not up to my husband to "allow" me to go or not. It would be polite to let him know, but it's not as if you have small children that need a lot of looking after.

Apart from just common courtesy to make sure the dates didn't clash with him doing anything...it wouldn't be a case of being allowed or not. I'd just go. I don't need permission.

I hope you're ok

Yes I would. As long as hes had chances to go away too, which he has. My children are the same age as yours. Its hardly hard work looking after children(if you can even call the oldest a child) at those ages for a couple of weekends.

Does ‘allow’ work both ways? Would your DH ask permission to go away?

Gosh I missed the ages, that makes this even more concerning.

Allowed? No really a concept that resonates with me.
We tell each other, "I'm planning xyz" and the other either says "have fun" or "have you thought about something else" and we have a chat about logistics. Also, 12 and 18 years, just get on with it. It isn't like you are passing on a huge burden of childcare.

My DH may have secretly felt miffed about the two outings being so close! It would not have been a case of “allowing” me. I would have gone with his blessing.

Absolutely. You’re not talking about leaving him with a couple of toddlers.
I would probably say “I hope you don’t mind but….” but I definitely wouldn’t be asking permission and I wouldn’t expect any answer except “of course, have a lovely time”.

18 and 12 months?

Why are you asking him? I just tell DH when I’m away, and vice versa.
We’re equal partners.