To ask if you’d be allowed to do this?

[Lighterthansprite]

I rarely ever have a night away - just for context. The last one was about 2 years ago and I can’t remember the time before that. DH has never liked it much (he has had nights away, including several nights abroad with friends for stags / birthdays etc)

Unfortunately it has happened that I have an agreed night away coming up shortly, which has been planned for ages to see a concert, but another close friend has now asked me if I am able to go with her for a spa night the weekend before as the person she originally planned to go with can’t make it.

So I’d be away two weekends - one after the other. I haven’t even asked yet… I don’t know if it’s unreasonable to do so? Two children - nearly 18 and 12.

Would your DH / partner allow you to go?

Op you’ve also said in one of your posts that if you don’t want to spend absolutely all your free time with him/as a family, he takes it personally and thinks you don’t love him (or words to that effect). Yet in your first post you mentioned he regularly goes away. Have you highlighted this contradiction to him?

He sounds like a complete cunt to be honest.

If my partner had told me I wasn’t ‘allowed’ to do something, or resented me having friends or spending time with anyone other than him, he’d have been dumped the same day.

You have an abusive and controlling partner.

You are being unreasonable to use the word allow!!! He goes away, so can you.

He's fucking batshit. Gtfo.

Why are you with this man? Leave him and never allow a man to control you again. You’re a grown woman, he is not your father and you’re not a child, you make your own mind up and don’t ask a partner permission to go out with friends! That’s insane. Please get out.

I voted this too, these are things I would not be asking or seeking permission for. I would just be going

Please I hope you have read all the the replies and are you getting the idea - this is not a normal response “ allowed”
or whatever terminology you want to use to be going somewhere with friend/family whatever
He does nit control what you want to do, their his children to look after also by himself

Do not let him control you or dictate what/where you can do . Your an adult

YABVVU to have to ask….

Perhaps because you are, because he is controlling.

Words like ‘allowed’ and ‘ask’ are big red flags. Yes, you need to check there aren’t any clashes with other plans and of course it should be reasonable (meaning a fair balance between you of freedom and responsibility) but otherwise he has no say.

It's time to start making a plan to leave. For you and your children.

It’s frightening how many of these men there are around.

I cannot be bothered to even read this through. Are you a child looking for a permission from your parent? It's ridiculous.

Of course you're happier with them- they aren't controlling you and sucking all the joy from your life

Goodness, I read your follow up posts, OP. This is not about the hassle of taking care of young children alone (I have one DS, nearly 5, and my DH would absolutely 'allow' me to do what you're describing - I went on two weekend-trips in a row in the spring). Your DH sounds controlling. "No, and don't mention it again" means this is not even a discussion, he's confining you to your home with him solely so that he won't be jealous. That's not on, and you're letting him because you're afraid he may take it out on the children. That's even more of a red flag.

Take care of yourself, OP. This is not okay.

I wouldn't even have to ask. LTB.

“Allow?”

I just read the title again. Your husband is not your father who you’d ask as a child you should not have to ask to be allowed to do anything that is not immoral ( you aren’t saying you want to sleep with someone else ) you want to go away, don’t ask. Just say that you’re going.

@Lighterthansprite well I’m about to go away for 3 weeks- so yes I’d be “allowed” but why do you need his permission at all? He doesn’t get to just say no to you.

Allow me to go 😂😂

I would check with my dh we didn’t have other plans (not sure why as he wouldn’t have a clue and would need to ask me), then I’d say ‘Hey, I won’t be here Sat/Sun as I’m off for a spa weekend with Jane’, he’d most likely say ‘Lovely, enjoy, say Hi to Jane’.

Then he’d forget, so I’d remind him the day before.

Im sorry, did you ask whether a partner or husband would allow you to go?

There are no words.

For the people who haven’t read beyond the first post, it’s become increasingly apparent that the OP’s in an abusive relationship.

Please please get out @Lighterthansprite, this man is relentlessly crushing your life into nothing, and your children are being harmed by how their father treats their mother

You don't deserve to live like this and neither do they

Would my partner ALLOW me to go? My dh wouldn't be asked permission for me to go anywhere, and the same applies to him. Aslong as we aren't disrupting any plans we had already made, he would be saying, go enjoy yourself. It is a concern you are asking advice on this tbh

I find it worrying you have to ask permission and he has to ‘let you’ go. You are an adult and all
it should take is a conversation to see if he is free to have/watch out for the kids but it shouldn’t be a matter of permission. It sound like a very controlling relationship. I would definitely go and I would t be asking permission.

And just to add, this behaviour says something about your DH and maybe he isn’t trustworthy himself?!?!