To ask if you’d be allowed to do this?

[Lighterthansprite]

I rarely ever have a night away - just for context. The last one was about 2 years ago and I can’t remember the time before that. DH has never liked it much (he has had nights away, including several nights abroad with friends for stags / birthdays etc)

Unfortunately it has happened that I have an agreed night away coming up shortly, which has been planned for ages to see a concert, but another close friend has now asked me if I am able to go with her for a spa night the weekend before as the person she originally planned to go with can’t make it.

So I’d be away two weekends - one after the other. I haven’t even asked yet… I don’t know if it’s unreasonable to do so? Two children - nearly 18 and 12.

Would your DH / partner allow you to go?

This!

Don't ask his permission ffs. Just do it. It's not as if your children are young enough to need a lot of looking after.

If he sulks buy him a small plastic toy (to go with his childish behaviour!)

'Let'! No, it goes on the calendar and dh knows he'll have to amuse himself.

It wouldn't be a case of my husband 'allowing' me to go. I'd mention the plan when it was made - if we had anything pre-arranged that it would interfere with that I hadn't thought of, he'd point that out, but he wouldn't make the decision - I would.

Allowed?! - are you serious?

Didn't realise we were still in the dark ages.

Not too sure that your 18 yo needs much help and supervision.

My partner would encourage me to go and always has done. He regularly pays for me to have a night away as a treat - B&B by the sea, spa weekend etc. Of course I do the same for him. Everyone needs a break and time for themselves in a healthy relationship!

Allowed?? Allowed?? DH doesn’t allow or disallow me to do anything!!!! I’m a grown woman able to make my own choices!!
Personally I wouldn’t do 2 weekends on the trot but DH and I see so little of each already that I would choose not to do that.

Your dh isn’t your dad. Allow in 2026 is a strange and disconcerting word to use.

if you have to ask permission and he then sulks if you go out, it sounds like he’s emotionally abusive towards you. If you divorced him you would have the freedom to go out whenever you wanted to. Is this man controlling or abusive in other ways?

How odd, has he said what it is that he objects to OP?

My dog might object a bit but dare say I could find something to sort her out.

DFC I might have been a bit out of the loop for several decades but is this really how far things have progressed?

Am "I allowed" are some words expressed by women decades ago; and I thought that battle at least was done; apparently not it seems.

Yes you are "allowed" - but, as always, make sure you sort out the shit that needs to be sorted yourself. Afore ye go.

"God speed" as they used to say....,,

Has he always been controlling or is getting worse?

Good lord! Not as if you're leaving him with new born twins and a pile of nappies is it!

What does he need to do for your kids apart from be there and possibly feed them?

He sounds jealous and unsupportive. Doesn't he have his own life outside of your relationship? Does he see friends often. Dull and controlling.

I think asking permission and allowing are really the wrong language. We have a calendar. So long as one of us is about for the children we balance out as best we can. DH likes to go out a certain night each week. I am
less predictable but certainly don’t ask permission.

Oh good, glad someone else mentioned the dog! My main barrier to weekends away is "Will someone else be around for the dog?"

(I do also have a wary eye on DH's health and cancel plans if he has a flare up, but he finds that embarrassing and gets very apologetic, so I tend to find a different reason not to go.)

This!

I’d just tell him. Unless there was something previously planned he wouldn’t dream of objecting.

He's my husband, not my keeper.....

Allowed? You would ask permission?
Your kids are 12 and almost 18, not babies.
Your husband is allowed is go away, but you're not? Him sulking is ridiculous - What's his problem with you going away?
You should not have to "ask", that's not healthy.

OP, he is really is controlling. I would discuss my plans with my husband but I wouldn’t ask him. The same is he wanted to go away. This is serious. Your children will be leaving home in a few years. Do you want to live like this for the rest of your life. Just tell him that you are going and if he complains ask him why it is different for him.

It's not a question of allow. It's whether it fits in with what we want for the family/work etc.

And another controlling sulky wanker makes himself known 🙄
'Do as I say not as I do' and all that.

Yes it just wouldn’t be an issue - my husband would offer to take us if need be and I’d come back to a lovely welcome and dinner prepared !

18 isnt a child and no one stops me doing anything especially anyone with a penis

He thinks I should want to spend all my free time with him.
He takes it as an insult if I don’t.
He’s got worse, not better. He doesn’t like it if he hears me laughing with friends on the phone as he says I sound happier with them than him.

My husband wouldn't "allow" me to go, but only because I wouldn't be asking him in the first place! I am an adult - I don't need permission to go anywhere, and neither does he. Occasionally we compare notes on what we're up to and when we're away, because we both have lives and they don't involve doing absolutely everything together.
I find the fact that you're even asking this question deeply disturbing, OP.