To ask if you’d be allowed to do this?

[Lighterthansprite]

I rarely ever have a night away - just for context. The last one was about 2 years ago and I can’t remember the time before that. DH has never liked it much (he has had nights away, including several nights abroad with friends for stags / birthdays etc)

Unfortunately it has happened that I have an agreed night away coming up shortly, which has been planned for ages to see a concert, but another close friend has now asked me if I am able to go with her for a spa night the weekend before as the person she originally planned to go with can’t make it.

So I’d be away two weekends - one after the other. I haven’t even asked yet… I don’t know if it’s unreasonable to do so? Two children - nearly 18 and 12.

Would your DH / partner allow you to go?

You have got to be joking?? He's your husband, not your jailer! Where did you get the notion that you need anyone to "allow" you to do anything?

Its very unreasonable for you to need to ask this. Unless you haven't mentioned any major disability which means your teenagers need additional care.

You don’t ask permission , you simply tell him what nights you are away , if he sulks that’s his problem .

Kids are older enough. I’d never ask my husband i’ll just share my plans with him and checking if nothing clashes with some of his plans

Allowed?

Why on earth are you asking for permission?!?!

Why would he sulk? What is his actual problem with you going away? What is keeping you with him?

Yes.
Do you realise this OP ?
That you are in a coercive control situation?
Which is a crime.

Allow? I haven’t asked to be allowed to do anything since I left home at 16! OP your relationship sounds very controlling.

I thought you meant ask the 18 year old to look after the 12 year old

then I realised you have to ask your husband

if he sulks as you go away - id go away and then let him sulk and be out the house even more as he sulks fuck that shit

And if he says no, what then? Do you just not go? He isn’t your owner, he’s your equal partner.

My husband would push me to go and be delighted that I was having a break.

I find your posts worrying because you don't have an equal partnership. He gets to go on lots of nights away, but you don't. What's more, he sulks on the rare occasion you do.
It shouldn't be a case of being "allowed" to- you're a grown up. It should purely be a case of letting him know, noting the date you're away in the diary, and making sure it doesn't clash with anything else.

‘Allow me’ ?! I’d tell him my plans and make sure there were no clashes and work out logistics. But he would be very happy for me to go. With a 17 and 12 year old what’s the issue? And why do you need his permission?

18 and 12?! Blimey, I thought you were going to say you had toddlers (even then, nothing wrong with a night away).

Of course you can and should go!

I don’t tolerate sulking from a child. If my DH tried it, I would call it out and bollock the living daylights out of him.

I get that many women would not take that approach, but at the very least you need to speak firmly to him and say he can sulk all he likes but you’re going. Make sure the DC know what you expect of them in case he does try to walk out and guilt trip you into coming home. If the older one won’t be working could you pay babysitting money if necessary so they get a reward for looking after their sibling rather than going out with their mates?

‘Asked’? ‘Allowed’? And your kids are 17 and 12? Years, not months? Not that it really matters which. Ffs. Seriously op, have a think about your relationship in general - this is not normal in a healthy one…..

Wow! Let me go? I’d just tell my husband my plans there would be no asking involved at all!

Jeez, I can’t believe the language you are using here OP! ‘Let you go’?? Seriously?? Of course my husband wouldn’t have an issue with it! We are an equal partnership. I’m really sorry you are not respected in the same way.

You sound very unhappy.

Surely you will be informing him not asking him? And any hint of sulking just remind him of how many times he has gone away.

I wouldn’t need to ask his permission and yes I would go.

And you just accept this..?

I'm struggling with the idea that you need permission. You're an adult, you do not need to ask permission. If he sulks, let him, but it's up to you.

At that age of kids I wouldn’t be even asking permission.