To be upset about meat being cooked in my house

[Meetmeinlove]

For context, I am 53 and a lifelong vegetarian. I have never cooked meat or eaten meat.

I was always clear with my kids that if they wanted to eat meat, it was their choice but it had to be out of the house. Put simply, I don’t want it in my house.

They both eat meat and I am ok with that.

But I came home and they have cooked it- used my wooden chopping board to cut it up. Left remnants on the worksurface.

i’m bloody upset and it feels so disrespectful frankly. It’s a real problem for me- I don’t want meat in my house- I have always been really clear about it.

aibu to be so upset about it? It’s a real problem for me.

What age are your kids?

How old are they?

14 and 18. So old enough to know, to understand. It’s been their whole lives.

It's not the meat that's the issue here, it's the fact that your children disrespected your wishes. This is what I would be focusing on when speaking to them, otherwise they will just tell you that you are being irrational.

So old enough to clear up after themselves, at the very least!

I think its very restrictive not allowing them to eat meat. However, they should be using the correct chipping boards and clean up after themselves

I mean it’s wrong to not clean up, but it is their house too? However saying things like ‘they eat meat and I am ok with it’ is strange. Of course you should be, it’s their decision and life.

How will you feel if when they leave and find somewhere to live and settle down and you visit ? Will you mind if meat is in their house ?
Would you not go ?

Did you read my post?

I am not not allowing them to eat meat- they eat it in school/ college/ at friends/ out of the house.

I just don’t want it in my house!’

It’s also your children’s home
YABU

Obviously they should clean up after themselves and it was unacceptable for them not to do so.

But it isn’t at all fair not to allow them to cook and eat meat in what is also their own home.

Ugh I hate when people pull the ’my home’ shit with kids. Our home is exactly that, ours.

Then it’s up to them and of course I would visit.

i just don’t want it in my house!

It’s their home too. Meat is a natural, healthy and nutritious foodstuff for humans, and has been since humans came into being. How odd that you would restrict your childrens’ lives in this way.

I'm trying to be objective here. If one of my kids were to become vegetarian or vegan, we wouldn't stop eating meat as a family, but if it bothered them, we would maybe use a smaller fridge for our non-vegan products and then use the family fridge for the veg and vegan products. Just because it will be easier if we can all eat what veg there is.

I'd also get them their own chopping board and other things and I or they could use them for vegan food.

I've reversed this to fit a more likely scenario in my family but the same thing applies. I think you should accommodate their meat eating in your family home.

Interestingly, I'd say different if this was about religion. I'd say they should keep kosher/halal/not eat beef in the house.

I don't eat meat either and my kids do. I expect them to wash the pans and crockery and wipe down any mess from the surfaces. Ask your kids to tidy up properly. You don't want to get obsessive about this kind of thing.

Extremely disrespectful of them. no wonder you are upset.

Perhaps you all need to sit down and discuss where you go from here.

Are you prepared to compromise at all?

Agree with everyone else, it's their house too so they should be able to cook and eat meat in it. But they should also clean up after themselves.

Not allowing your children to cook what they want is really quite weird OP sorry - you sound somewhat unhinged by it - forcing them to only cook meat free meals in their own home is very restrictive

Maybe it’s really hard for people who aren’t life long veggies to understand but that isn’t my view of meat.

My kids eat it and I never stopped them from doing that and gave them the choice themselves.

I just don’t want it cooked in my house.

You're not being unreasonable; they knew the house rules and they chose to break them. Give them appropriate consequences for that. Whether or not it's reasonable to ban meat from the house, they didn't raise an objection to the policy or tell you how it negatively impacts them or ask for reconsideration, a compromise or an exception, they just did what they wanted. (And leaving meat remnants on the counter and cutting board is 100% not OK under the circumstances, even without the explicit meat ban. They are too old to be that inconsiderate and oblivious, especially having grown up with a vegetarian parent.)

It is a bit all or nothing.
It is also their home as others have said.
The offence is that they have just ignored it and gone out and got some meat and eaten it. But also left a mess behind.

Worth a conversation. They clearly need to clean up. But they also must think your rules unreasonable. And too rigid to apply all the time.

It's their home too, but they should have cleared up properly.

You are absolutely allowed to have your beliefs and make decisions on what you eat, but it’s not just your home, it’s your children’s home too and they should be equally allowed to have their own beliefs and make decisions on what they eat too. It’s the summer holidays so presumably your 14yr old is at home sometimes throughout the day - where do you expect them to go to have meat if they’re in their home? Sending them away to eat it makes it sound like some illicit drug. They absolutely should be cleaning up after themselves though. Maybe they could club pocket money together and buy a separate chopping board and basic utensils to use when cooking meat.

The disrespectful bit was using your wooden chopping board and not cleaning up after themselves. But it’s there home too, so they should be able to eat their preferences too.