To be upset about meat being cooked in my house

[Meetmeinlove]

For context, I am 53 and a lifelong vegetarian. I have never cooked meat or eaten meat.

I was always clear with my kids that if they wanted to eat meat, it was their choice but it had to be out of the house. Put simply, I don’t want it in my house.

They both eat meat and I am ok with that.

But I came home and they have cooked it- used my wooden chopping board to cut it up. Left remnants on the worksurface.

i’m bloody upset and it feels so disrespectful frankly. It’s a real problem for me- I don’t want meat in my house- I have always been really clear about it.

aibu to be so upset about it? It’s a real problem for me.

You have your boundaries, they’re well aware of this one and how you’d feel about it yet chose to overstep it and disrespect you. Of course you’re upset! I’m a veggie too so know how you feel, DH has a separate chopping board for meat.

Have your children ever asked for the rule to be changed/relaxed and to be allowed to occasionally cook meat? If they had shown respect and explained to you that they wanted to start eating meat at home, would you have been open to having that conversation and attempting to find a compromise (e.g. separate chopping board etc. as others have suggested)?

It's absolutely fine that you've never cooked or eaten meat - what's not fine is dictating that your children have to follow your diet in their own home.

If they want to eat a ham sandwich or cook some chicken nuggets, they should be able to do that.

They clearly want to eat meat, it's their home too, so @Meetmeinlove where should they eat it?

A good compromise, get them seperate chopping board, knives and pan so there is no cross contamination. Put it in a seperate cupboard & have a special shelf in the fridge.

And make it clear that they have to clean up afterwards, or it's back to no meat in the house!

But it is "Because I say so"

There is no reason for them not to be allowed to cook meat in their home, other than you don't want them to.

I agree with you its unfair to expect you to cook it, buy it or clean up after the preparation, but there is no reason at all, why, if they follow those things, they shouldn't be able to cook themselves what they fancy to eat. Other than because you say so.

I am exactly the same OP.

I have no issue with anybody else choosing to eat meat, not my business.

All of my friends are meat eaters.

I never discuss being a vegetarian with anybody unless they ask, which has hardly ever happened.

However, I feel very strongly that I don’t want meat in my home.

Grumpy teens pretty much - sorry for not clearing up. I reiterated my veggie position.

My bad. She’s responded.

I'm a lifelong vegetarian, I still think yabu. It's their home too. Get a separate fridge, chopping boards, pans and knives by all means but it isn't just your home. Especially during the holidays when it's not like they are out at school/college every day and able to eat the things they want there.

They should have spoken to you about how they felt, and they should absolutely have cleaned up after themselves. But it sounds like you're pretty intransigent on the matter so maybe they felt like there was no point? Still doesn't explain why they didn't clean up after themselves though.

Yanbu.

Completely reasonable not to want dead animals that have had a miserable existence stored and made into meals in your home.

These animals had no choice. It is very hard for those in the mindset of seeing certain animals as dinner to see the wrongs of eating animals and delve into the misery of farming.

Evil thrives when good people do nothing.

Project Slingshot's factual information can help.

Lots of assumptions about the necessity of animal flesh for health. You can make healthy or unhealthy dietary choices as both a vegetarian, vegan or consumer of animal flesh.

No- and this is the point. They eat meat as much as they want out of the house -
so I actually don’t think it’s that weird at home for me to not want it

Yes, but why did they cook meat in your home after being told not to and being aware of your position? Did you ask this?

Are they rebelling? Did they somehow ‘forget’? Is it something else? That’s what I’d want to know. Don’t you?

I think it's a bit restrictive if they live with you that they are not allowed to eat meat in their own home - for the 14 year old if they are on summer holidays they may have had most of their meals at home for the last month? So while they are allowed to eat meat it would be fairly hard for the 14 year old to regularly if they are not able to in their own house where else can they go with cooking facilities are you expecting them to cook at friends houses.

Unless you would actually prefer they don't eat meat so want to make it as difficult as possible for them without specifically saying they cant.

Well, there's been at least 6 weeks with no access to school food and one is 18. Maybe it's a case of the best part of two months for the change in protein/haem iron and satiety levels to trigger 'I'm legally an adult and I'm going to make my own choices in my home' - and the 14 year old has happily accepted as they've got even less chance of accessing what they want to eat in that time.

I have two close friends who are vegetarian and my son’s GF is. None of them takes this extremely restrictive line, OP. Both of my friends cook meat in their homes for their DC/other people. GF has no problem with DS cooking meat in their home. Her own immediate family are all vegetarian, but when relatives visit, her mum and dad are fine with the relatives bringing and/or cooking meat dishes there.

Yea, they should not have used a wooden board and left a mess - but if you’d allowed meat and provided a separate board and knife and taught them how to clean the kitchen up properly you might not have had this.

It’s also your children’s home.
YABU about the no meat at home.
YANBU in that they should have cleaned up after themselves.

Isn't it their house as well?

They should be allowed to eat the food they want in their own home. You are being unreasonable.

You haven’t actually addressed anything that poster asked.

Because you don’t want facts to get in the way of a good story (IYO).

you haven’t told us yet, I’ve only got here reading so it may come up later, why you are vegetarian. If you can articulate that you may get some more understanding responses

I don't see anyone commenting that animal flesh is essential for health, simply that, in terms of nutritional content, it's a high quality source of food.

YABVVVVU

‘MY house’

it’s their home too.
but they should be cleaning up after themselves.

I think it’s a bit harsh not allowing them to cook it at home. I’d be more annoyed they didn’t clear up.

Also a lifelong vegetarian

OMG yes. Shock. Never.

I have never handled, cooked, touched or eaten meat.

You can’t control what they eat in their own home.

I mean you can try but it’s their home too and your request is absolutely ridiculous