To be upset about meat being cooked in my house

[Meetmeinlove]

For context, I am 53 and a lifelong vegetarian. I have never cooked meat or eaten meat.

I was always clear with my kids that if they wanted to eat meat, it was their choice but it had to be out of the house. Put simply, I don’t want it in my house.

They both eat meat and I am ok with that.

But I came home and they have cooked it- used my wooden chopping board to cut it up. Left remnants on the worksurface.

i’m bloody upset and it feels so disrespectful frankly. It’s a real problem for me- I don’t want meat in my house- I have always been really clear about it.

aibu to be so upset about it? It’s a real problem for me.

You’re being controlling and very unfair. You’re impacting their health too- by forcing them to only eat it out of the house and not allowing them to cook it, you’re forcing them to eat processed high fat unhealthy options.

Frankly, you shouldn’t have had children if you’re this controlling and unreasonable. Children grow up to be their own people and cooking meat in their home isn’t unreasonable. Are you prepared to die on this hill? You’re risking your relationship with them as adults. They’re likely to move out as soon as they can and possibly minimise contact with you if you carry on like this.

They should be respectful- different utensils and clear up after themselves but this level of control is verging on abusive and I don’t say that lightly. Do animals matter more to you than your children?

I've been veggie for nearly 40 years. The rest of my family eat meat, I will handle and cook it for them, but they do all the tasting.
I hate the smell of meat cooking that lingers round the house. It's OP's house, they get to say what it smells of & what touches the surfaces. I agree with them, the kids can eat meat somewhere else.

You could try it OP, you may just enjoy it.

This. They should have cleared up properly. Get them a separate board for meat, maybe a separate knife. Insist they clean everything thoroughly including the oven if used. I think you would B U to inflict your dietary choices on them.

Its their home too....

Meat eaters here don’t seem to understand that for us vegetarians the meat would forever pollute and damage the pots and pans, the crockery and cutlery, the oven.

Plus there is the smell and the feeling of enabling something which is, to us, morally repugnant.

And the fact that our home is our sanctuary.

I don’t expect to limit other peoples choices in general but on this issue she whose name is on the deeds makes the house rules.

this. I know it matters to you that it was meat but to me its a "My gaff my rules" thing. and failing to clean up doubles the disrespect.

Im with you, we dont have meat in the house. Apart from catfood which is kept away from human food obviously.

Well now they are old enough to want, and to be able to, prepare their own meat meals. You would be being horribly controlling (& are clearly unable) to prevent this. Buy/ organise separate utensils and storage, and be really firm about them clearing up after themselves.

the day they pay the mortgage/council tax they can decide what happens.

I’ve been a vegetarian since the age of 13, but I wouldn’t have dreamed of foisting my principles on my 3 dc or dh. As it happens, my dc are all adults now, one eats meat, along with partner and kids, one is pescatarian, and so is his partner, and one has become vegan. But each to their own, I guess - you obviously feel very strongly. I feel strongly about what I will and will not eat, but by the same token, I feel strongly that everyone else should be free to make their own decisions and cook what they want in their home.

It’s reasonable to be annoyed that they haven’t cleaned up after themselves and that is disrespectful especially given that you’re a vegetarian. It’s unreasonable to completely ban a food group from your home because of your choices though, and to not respect that your children at that age should have some say in how they live their lives in their home.

The fact that they cooked it together means you’ve lost your coercive and controlling power over what they eat in their own home.

If you carry on demanding they eat what you deem suitable then you need to seek help to deal with it because you have absolutely no right to do this.

Buy new chopping boards for your vegetarian items and mentally move on. They’ve don’t nothing wrong but you have.

What absolute fucking nonsense in every way. And wildly ignorant of a whole
food vegetarian diet too.

You think meat will permanently damage pans? You must realise that's literally nonsense.

How long have they been doing this and this is just the first time you've found out?

Because at 14 and 18 this simply CANNOT be the first time they've cooked meat at home. You've just not known about it and you've only found out this time because they didn't cover their tracks. So you've likely had meat in your house and kitchen lots of times and you didn't know.

They’re old enough to clean up after themselves I agree there but not allowing them to eat meat in their home is also awful of you, it’s their home too.

What does that have to do with her children disrespecting her belief system, the house rules, and their home?

Hypocritical, much?

Its not unreasonable that you have your own beliefs and practices in your home. But, i if "your house" is your 14 and 18 yr olds home too, i think it unreasonable that a normal thing like cooking food/meat and eating it shouldnt be done is very unreasonable and very controlling.
They should though have used a separate chopping board and cleaned up though.

Op they're getting older, finding their confidence etc. It really shouldn't be a surprise to you that after all this time theyre probably really frustrated they cant eat normal food they like in their own home.

This was bound to happen. It'll be far less painful and shit for you, and them, if you get separate pans etc and have fair rules around tidying up, ventilation etc.

And maybe for things that are easy to get pre-cooked get those, e.g. those packaged cooked chicken breasts go nice in a curry etc.

I would be upset, too.

Teens can be utter arseholes. Offering a weary nod of understanding.

Yeah.
They'll probably leave as soon as they can, go low /no contact and mum will be on here crying because she can't understand why...🙄

I’m gobsmacked the 18 year old has waited this long. Poor kid. Luckily the 14 year old has given them both the balls to stand up to you and these ridiculous rules