To be upset about meat being cooked in my house

[Meetmeinlove]

For context, I am 53 and a lifelong vegetarian. I have never cooked meat or eaten meat.

I was always clear with my kids that if they wanted to eat meat, it was their choice but it had to be out of the house. Put simply, I don’t want it in my house.

They both eat meat and I am ok with that.

But I came home and they have cooked it- used my wooden chopping board to cut it up. Left remnants on the worksurface.

i’m bloody upset and it feels so disrespectful frankly. It’s a real problem for me- I don’t want meat in my house- I have always been really clear about it.

aibu to be so upset about it? It’s a real problem for me.

I think they should have cleared up.

but it’s their home.

I know you’re angry about the question of never cooking it etc. the capital letters help - thank you. But when they were younger they wouldn’t have been able to cook meat themselves. So you have restricted them to a point. To eat outside of their home would mean paying for it or going to a friends. Again this is restrictive.

your examples of smoking/alcohol etc don’t really work as they are known harmful substances to the body. They are also underage.

I think a discussion about properly cleaning up would be useful and then maybe can you get them a separate fridge and chopping boards?’ they clearly want to eat meat.

Steady on there!!!!

I was responding to a comment that not eating meat is extreme by pointing out that meat eating could itself be considered to be extreme and explaining why - I didn't just make a random pronouncement.

This happens all the time, unfortunately; a meat eater makes some sort of comment, the vegan merely responds, and is then said to have 'pushed it down our throats', or even 'preached' or the evergreen 'lectured'.

As to feeling superior, however, of course we do. We have consciously chosen a lifestyle that both reduces our impact on the planet and reduces the amount of cruelty in the world, unlike the unthinking and/or uncaring masses who haven't :)

I guess they’ve not been taught if meat hasn’t been in the house.

OP can you find someone who can teach them to cook meat safely? Is their dad around?

what does life long vegetarian mean? I am a vegetarian, born to vegetarian parents, grad parents etc. my English husband isn’t, eating meat here isn’t a problem. Our toddler doesn’t want to eat it either, I still offer it, she can make a choice later in life but for now I don’t restrict him/her. Where do you expect your children to go to cook meat?

Vegetarian is a lifestyle choice and not one that should be foisted on children. This is their home too and unless you are happy with them walking the street living in the same house should be mutual respect

This involves them cleaning up and perhaps you supplying some dedicated ‘meat’ preparation surfaces etc

needs a family chat

I’ve been to a Michelin starred vegetarian restaurant and would defy any meat eater to eat there and say they missed meat

Quite. Dh eats meat but is satisfied with a decent vegetarian meal. He wouldn't miss meat in a single meal, or even in a day or two. But in a general sense he wouldn't be happy to become completely veggie. A nice roast or bit of steak or fish a few times a week is the norm. We even have a vegan xmas dinner in honour of me! Boxing Day however is a mess of Turkey, ham and sausages in bacon. It's the price you pay for family harmony.

Why, then, out of the blue, no warning, did an 18 and 14 year old SUDDENLY cook meat at home and leave meat mess?

Why , when ALL THEIR FUCKING LIVES they have not been allowed to do this?

Why ?

Why do you say "in my house". Are they visitors? Is it not their home?

Get them a chopping board to use for meat. Make sure they are respectful and clean up. Even ask them to avoid cooking stronger smelling things like mince.

Perhaps have a discussion where you share your views and come up with a solution together. Remembering that it's their home too though.

They can eat meat out of your house. Only devoted carnivores could say you are being unreasonable

Like MacDonalds or KFC or some nice drippy grizzly kebab meat?
Some of my family eat meat. However much I wish they didn't I'd rather they ate decent stuff at home than a retrieved meat sausage from a kiosk in town.

I am 100% with you OP. I think those who have not been life long vegetarians will never understand this. I'm the same as you, it's vegetarian in the house but eat what you want out of the house. You just want one space that's completely meat free and you don't need to worry.

As to feeling superior, however, of course we do

Well that's a problem for you. Feeling superior when you have nothing to feel superior about is really annoying to many people. I'm vegan by choice but that doesn't make me feel superior in any way to anyone who eats meat so I'm surprised to find that actually, the oft regurgitated stereotype of the arrogant vegan/vegetarian actually exists. Though of course, it must, because it's a stereotype.

I can't even imagine my mind working that way. The surgeon who took my appendix out, or delivered my baby by caesarian section and then all the people whose blood I was transfused with afterwards were very likely meat eaters.
Feeling superior to others is an unpleasant trait.

OP when they cook veggie food, do they normally clean up properly, or do they leave little bits on the work surface? I'm just wondering because, knowing how strongly you feel about the issue, I'm surprised that they weren't super-careful to clean up properly. And I guess I'm wondering if it's a general habit of theirs or if it's specifically just this time, and if so, maybe it's that they're subconsciously trying to express their feelings to you about the no-meat rule? Just a thought and I might be totally barking up the wrong tree!

I guess it depends where you draw the line on what the family home means…does it mean that it’s your home because you pay for it and you’re in charge? Or is it ‘our’ home? And everyone has a right to meet their own needs?

it doesn’t feel quite right having a restriction over their diet. Lots of people think meat is key to health. I understand they can eat what they want elsewhere but people mainly eat in their own homes and they may just want spaghetti bolognaise which would be expensive and impractical to eat out!

could they have a box for the fridge to keep meat separate and appropriate chopping boards just for them?

I totally get it. I don’t eat meat nor would I cook it for anyone , or allow anyone to cook it in my home. I don’t care who they are, the smell alone would make me vomit. Your house, your rules.

OP can you find someone who can teach them to cook meat safely? Is their dad around?

Love it:)

AI says:

Meat generally has more nutrients per weight than vegetarian food because it is dense in protein, iron, zinc, and B vitamins. However, vegetarian foods like dark leafy greens and seeds offer higher amounts of specific vitamins, minerals, and fiber per calorie or weight.

How do you manage in restaurants, hotels, holiday houses, work canteens, hospital crockery and cutlery?

I do think your first paragraph is somewhat unreasonable. Obsessive type thinking.

It’s their home too do they should be allowed to cook and eat meat in their home.
However you’re not unreasonable to be annoyed they haven’t cleaned up after themselves.

I think it’s sad that the real situation here is a parent who considers the home just theirs and not their children’s.

In adulthood, parents sometimes seem surprised that their children don’t want to come “home” for Christmas/a special occasion or to visit for the weekend etc, without marrying that to the fact that they didn’t actually allow their DC to treat it as their own home as they grew up in it.

It was a house within which they had to follow a certain religion or food regime, or sexual orientation, or style of dress, and not somewhere that they could relax and live as they wanted to.

OP, you can declare the house solely YOUR HOME and force your DC to eat a strict vegetarian diet if you want to, but it’s clearly not what THEY want, and it’s quite sad that as a parent you don’t want your DC to feel like it’s THEIR HOME too.

I suspect they’ll be very happy when they’re old enough to move out and live how they want to, rather than how you force them to live.

Not everyone can be a vegan or vegetarian.

They could be, they just choose not to be.

as a slight aside (although I agree with the point of it’s their home too), my parents hadn’t cooked meat growing up I definitely wouldn’t have known not to use a wooden chopping board for meat! They will never have been taught how to safely prepare and clean up meat

Meat generally has more nutrients per weight than vegetarian food because it is dense in protein, iron, zinc, and B vitamins. However, vegetarian foods like dark leafy greens and seeds offer higher amounts of specific vitamins, minerals, and fiber per calorie or weight

Yeah. Hence meat and two veg. It was ever the way. If you'd plated up some tofu and mixed leaves to my brothers and uncles when they came home from their shift down the pit in Leeds they'd have thought you'd lost your marbles and headed straight up to the chip shop.
Plenty of protein, carbs and greens was the order of the day. Although the original working miner could probably exist on a veggie diet, I doubt he'd want to. And it always was a he.

Nowadays of course, food is more often about losing weight, not replenishing
lost energy as it has always been in the past. Hence people can be finicky about what they eat. Food is fuel for the body.

I wonder, if some of the veggies on this thread found themselves without easily available sustenance of choice, and food was scarce, they'd refuse to eat meat dense and rich in nutrition, to sustain themselves. based on their strongly held beliefs.

I really, really doubt it to the point of being 100% sure.
Hence, they have nothing to feel superior about.
And I'm vegan. Of course I'd eat meat to survive.

Why should they choose veganism or vegetarianism?

I completely understand. I've not eaten meat since my 20s (54 now). My DH used to cook sausages occasionally for my DS but otherwise they only ate meat outside the home, and both of them now eat no meat. When we had a new oven a couple of years ago, I loved that it would never have meat in it. Then our friends were coming over for the night, her DD15 is autistic and my friend insisted that she had to have chicken pieces cooked...I wanted to say no but caved in. Last week, two years on, friend messages and says her DD17 who is coming to my DS17 birthday is now a vegetarian! A bit irritated that I didn't insist now 🙄😬 so I feel your pain and think its the lack of respect that is off here!