To be upset about meat being cooked in my house

[Meetmeinlove]

For context, I am 53 and a lifelong vegetarian. I have never cooked meat or eaten meat.

I was always clear with my kids that if they wanted to eat meat, it was their choice but it had to be out of the house. Put simply, I don’t want it in my house.

They both eat meat and I am ok with that.

But I came home and they have cooked it- used my wooden chopping board to cut it up. Left remnants on the worksurface.

i’m bloody upset and it feels so disrespectful frankly. It’s a real problem for me- I don’t want meat in my house- I have always been really clear about it.

aibu to be so upset about it? It’s a real problem for me.

It was rude and disrespectful of them not to clean up properly after themselves.

You're being overly controlling however by dictating they can never cook or eat meat in their own house.

Buy them or get them to buy a separate set of utensils, chopping boards, pans etc and let them crack on.

Get them a mini fridge for meat

Even a committed vegetarian could surely understand that early humans survived mostly on meat for thousands of years, until agriculture was developed. So, by definition, it is a natural source of nutrition that humans are well-adapted to. And, there can be no question that, pound for pound, it contains more nutrients than plant-based foods. Or would you deny these facts?

Well, learn how to cook it themselves. Jesus Christ- people make it sound like somehow they will starve if they can’t cook meat.

They can both cook well because I have taught them. But just not meat.

I didn’t learn how to make a veggie curry from my mum- I learnt myself from a cookbook.

I expected you to say they were 20.

At 14.... Hmm. Nio. It is their home too?

Genuinely can’t be arsed to debate that with you.

At the very least they are more than old enough to clean up properly, and I hope they used the correct chopping board.

However, they are being forced into vegetarianism. At least at home. How do they feel about that? I'm all for kids being told what's what, but this is a bit of a grey one.

Op have you asked WHY they suddenly out the blue disobeyed this rule of your so flagrantly. Like they WANTED you to know that they were ignoring the rule??

This is a very extreme view, OP. If you lived alone, it would be fine, but you don't. And it's not really giving the 14 year old a 'choice' to say they can eat meat elsewhere - school lunch is hardly going to be a quality meal. And even if the 18 year old is working and can buy their own food, you're telling them they can't even cook it at home? Where do you expect them to cook?

It's very reasonable to say they have to use a specific chopping board/pan (and I would think this is extreme too, but doable - different cutlery and put all meat in a sealed container in the fridge), and they must clean up after themselves, but to impose your restricted eating choice - which IS what you're doing - on others does seem unfair and unreasonable.

I'm a vegetarian and I think yabu

You keep saying its your home.

Well Its your kids home as well and its very restrictive to enforce your personal dietary preferences on them.

Ok, they should clean the kitchen and buy a separate chopping board if they do cook meat, but other than that ,I think if they fancy meat on their own home, they should be able to cook it

I think maybe it’s really hard to explain to people who eat meat.

You’re making quite an assumption there that anyone not understanding/agreeing with you eats meat and therefore couldn’t possibly understand it. FWIW I don’t eat meat and I still think you’re being massively unreasonable to ban it from your home, when it’s also their home and you’re not even in the house when they’re cooking/eating it. Although I’ll concede that it was disrespectful of them to leave a mess behind, in general but also knowing how you feel about meat. But that’s teens for you. Leave no trace, using a separate board and knife would be reasonable compromise.

Are they allowed to bring meat into the house if already cooked/doesn’t need cooking? Eg. a packet of ham for a sandwich? Just wondering if it’s the cooking of raw meat you are dead set against or meat being in the house in totality.

Granted, my question above is slightly irrelevant to your OP. I think they are being disrespectful to your views, but I also think you are being unreasonably set in your view. I think as long as they clean up properly and wash the pans then they should have some leeway.

Good, because you would lose such a debate.

I don't think you can ban meat from your home when your kids who live there are meat eaters and one of them is a minor. That's forcing them to follow your diet when they don't agree with it.

What you can do is get them a dorm style small fridge for their meat and their own prep board and knife for meat and insist they clean up after.

They shouldn't be prepping meat on boards used for vegetables anyway. Meat should have its own board.

I'm a long time vegetarian, one of my kids is also and one eats meat. I would not ban meat in the home. They can eat what they want.

Once you saw the chopping board, did you immediately log on to Mumsnet OR did you talk to your kids? If the latter, how did the conversation go?

At 18, it's their decision and not being able to cook in their own home is ridiculous. Its not just your home.

There bang out of order not tidying
but this is there home
at 14 they’ll have no choice but to live with you and the 18year old will have very limited options
lording it over them with the it’s my house us a shit thing to do
chances are the problem will sort itself eventually because they’ll be want to leave your home at the first opportunity

Well what did they say?
Sorry but we desperately wanted some meat? Or more like - We're fed up with your rules and we're not obeying them any more?
Or something else? Because it's all a bunch of very different scenarios.
And I say this as someone who used to be veggie, who brought up 2 veggie children, and now of the three of us I eat both meat and fish, one dc eats fish but not meat and the other one meat but not fish. They're both adults with their own households and families now btw.

They are children. They don't have a 'right' to do whatever they like in their parents' house.

This is something that's very important to the OP. Of course she has the right to dictate the rules in her own house! A family is not a democracy. Children don't get a vote.

Agree! Yes they should have cleaned up but you sound very controlling. I say this as a vegan.

No, she can't dictate what her children eat in their own home - that way bat-shittery lies.

I agree with you, OP. No meat. That simple.

My Dad is vegetarian. Whole swathes of society are vegetarian. They aren’t aliens! Not wanting meat in your home is 100% fine.

Just because they’ve never been caught before doesn’t mean they’ve always respected the rule. This could very well be a weekly thing for them when mum goes out but this time they rushed the clean up 🤷‍♀️

Forcing your ideological beliefs on others is never on. Even worse that you’re restricting your DCs diet. It’s their home too!

Maybe they're sick of it being of it being their whole lives - isn't it their house too?

Unreasonable of them to leave remnants though - they should clean up after themselves. Perhaps buy them separately utensils if it offends you to that extent?