AIBU to expect acceptance when DH declines niece's wedding abroad?

[DestinationForOne]

Dh niece is getting married next year abroad.

MIL seems to be in charge of organising most of it and to be honest is acting like its mostly about her !
She keeps saying how she wants her dc all there as she needs them there etc.

MIL/FIL are offering to pay but only for dh flight and hotel as they want him there as their son and not a husband / father as want his focus ‘on the family for once’.
It’s a 5 day trip.

They don’t know but we have been ttc so we have no idea what next year might look like for us. Dh has declined going and this has cause ww3. We’ve never argued with them before and it’s quite upsetting . AIBU to think they should be more accepting of Dh declining to go?

Does niece’s fiancé know what he’s marrying into?!

I am sorry op but I think it's really unfortunate you are married in this family. Your mother in law is awful, doesn't care even about her own grandchildren. I don't get this thing of ' elevated position' in the family! We're supposed to love each other in our family equally and support each other, that's the whole point of having a family. We've got a mentally unstable cousin and we're all there to help and he's always invited in all occasions even if it's tricky sometimes. If I were in your position I wouldn't engage with your in laws anymore. You can live without them, you don't need them

He's not being unreasonable to decline attending when his chosen family (wife and kids) haven't been invited especially as a 5 day trip. He needs to deal with his family and make it clear that being a husband and father are his priority and he won't allow you and kids to be excluded

Marrying into a family is hard. I try to put up with husband kids treatment of "us" as a couple for his sake but that doesn't mean I accept it or don't get upset by little things - like being excluded from the "family" photo on dh 80th birthday, even though I organised the celebration, paid for it, and did all the catering.
You are younger and your husband needs to support you and your feelings The apron strings should have been cut years ago.
He only needs to give an explanation to his niece and maybe he could invite her and her new husband out for a meal with his family to celebrate later.

YANBU at all . Good on your husband for declining this rude invitation. Don't sound like a nice family tbh , I would distance myself going forward

Regardless of the In Laws paying or not to say ‘the family for once’ is dreadful.
YOU are family!

The OP and OH have been married for 10 years - OP is family too.
I think it's bl**dy rude not to include her, regardless of the chance she may be expecting or a new Mother.