AIBU to expect acceptance when DH declines niece's wedding abroad?

[DestinationForOne]

Dh niece is getting married next year abroad.

MIL seems to be in charge of organising most of it and to be honest is acting like its mostly about her !
She keeps saying how she wants her dc all there as she needs them there etc.

MIL/FIL are offering to pay but only for dh flight and hotel as they want him there as their son and not a husband / father as want his focus ‘on the family for once’.
It’s a 5 day trip.

They don’t know but we have been ttc so we have no idea what next year might look like for us. Dh has declined going and this has cause ww3. We’ve never argued with them before and it’s quite upsetting . AIBU to think they should be more accepting of Dh declining to go?

Absolutely not. Them trying to conceive is no one’s else’s business.
MIL sounds a pain. If you have a wedding abroad then you have to accept that some people won’t go.
Most people have their weddings abroad because they can have the wedding they want without having to pay the same prices as here. It just transfers the costs to the guests. CFs.

I think the groom should also not be invited, after all he isn't family, just someone who wants to marry in.

This!

They are not only snubbing their DS' s wife of many years but also 2 of their own grandchildren!

Batshit behaviour by the MIL glad your DH has taken a stand in favour of his own family. She needs telling "no" for once.

Had a similar mother and these types are a nightmare and will try every trick in the book to make your DH back down. Hope he doesn't.

I assume FIL is also not invited as he didn’t come out of MILs vagina either?

why does she think her relationship with her grown up children should ever be prioritised over her children’s relationship with their own little children?

She’s kind of a self absorbed cow, .

Your DH needs to tell his narc Mum that you and the kids are his family, and his priority.
How fucking rude are they!!

She tried to tell us recently that she was actually dh next of kin equally to me, that came out of nowhere and he said ‘I’m not planning on dying so why are we talking about this!’

pregnancy should not stop him going nor should a newborn really - he doesn’t need to stay 5 days 2 should do it but he might like 5?

ok for parents to pay but shitty it feels like excluding you

So for niece's wedding, she isn't inviting cousins or aunts / uncles who have married into the family.

That's fine. Weird not to include spouse of uncles / aunts but not inviting cousins (particularly if many or they aren't close) is not that weird.

Have you spoken to the Niece?

Very true! Or even the niece as well cause she’s only a grandchild like the OP’s children. Mil is batshit crazy on this one!!

What if OP is giving birth then.

I’m projecting my own experience onto this but you can’t live life thinking ‘what if I’m pregnant’. You’ve no idea how long it’ll take to get pregnant. We’re 3 years in and still no baby so if we’d done that we’d have missed so much. If you do get pregnant and it clashes - that’s when you deal with it.

Well I don't see why niece is even invited, she's equally related to MIL as OPs kids who apparently aren't real family.

Based purely on what you’ve written, they sound bizarre and unpleasant.

I’m glad your DH has declined, and I would massively pull back on future contact.

WHY do people get married abroad? Unless one of them comes from another country and has close relatives living there. Life is expensive, why spend the money on an expensive wedding?

No one has a right to commandeer someone else's annual leave and it's beyond rude to not invite a spouse to a family wedding. In your shoes I would decline to spend any time with mil, so no Christmases, etc. If you aren't family enough to attend family events, then you don't owe it to her to accommodate what she does want.

I have a bit of sympathy on the nok thing - a mother literally creates a child with her own body and I think that when it comes to decisions such as turning off life support there's a case to be made that a mum has a right to a say.

But she's way out of line on everything else.

I wouldn’t be happy with my DH booking to be away for even just 2 days if it was anywhere near my due date. Plus we don’t know how far away the wedding is, 2 days might not be feasible if it’s long haul. Anyway, if DH doesn’t want to go to this wedding then that’s all the reason he needs.

She’s telling you clearly that you and her dgc are not family.

I wonder if her dc and their father were excluded from family events by dh’s grandparents?
Give her a family tree for Christmas 😂

Good on your Dh for standing up for himself and his family.

Does she object to their presence there too? Because this MIL does.