Just walked out on kids

[patiencehasgone]

Just that, really.

9 and 12 years old. Constantly fucking bickering.

Do not listened to me when I ask them to stop. Or listen full stop really.

They started arguing over a fucking face towel, so I said ‘nope, not having this be my life’ grabbed my bag and keys, got in my car and have driven round the corner and parked up.

not really sure what I do from here really.

With perfect kids who are only perfect because the parents are perfect and round and round we go

so wrong you couldn't BE any more wrong.

This is demonstrating that when you're overwhelmed, removing yourself to calm down, and then coming back and dealing with a situation calmly is the correct way to handle it.

Self regulating is one of the most important lessons we can teach our children and as a youth mental health first aider it is one of our most vital tools to teach.

I think a lot of the division on this thread is because people are talking about vastly different scenarios.

Scenario 1: Saying “Right kids, Mum’s head is dinging - Im going to take 30 minutes to clear my head and get a coffee and hope youve made up by the time Im back” = good emotional regulation. No/negligible risk to children.

Scenario 2: Yelling “I can’t stand this! Im leaving - look what youve driven me too” and storming out leaving the children uncertain when/if youll return = poor emotional regulation. Still minimal physical risk to children but higher risk of psychological damage.

None of us know where on this spectrum OP’s scenario sits. But even if closer to the latter, it doesnt mean she’s not a great mother. It’s just one isolated incident of less-than-great parenting.

My disquiet was specifically directed to certain posters who seemed to be promoting scenario 2 type behaviour as normal and even desirable (with comments that it would have effectively cowed the children and they deserved it and should understand the consequences of annoying their mum). This suggested that other posters (NOT the OP) were using fear of abandonment as a shock parenting technique when they lose their cool. I firmly believe this is very wrong and does damage children.

It is very clear to me that OP is a good mum who had a one-off blip (as we all have had at some point, I suspect). And - especially given her eldest is 12 and its never happened before - it is not something to ruminate on.

Yes exactly this.

I worked for years with children, and while OP’s frustration was certainly undeniable, her behavior was wrong. Fine to remove yourself in some way, but not to leave the children wondering if you’ll ever come back.

No denying it was wrong, but I do just want to clear something up - at no point were they wondering if I’d ever come back, which is just plain luck on my side.

when I apologised and asked if I had made them scared or worried I wouldn’t come home, they looked at me like I was stupid and said that no, they didn’t think that, because I hadn’t even taken a toothbrush.

I would love to be able to say that they said something profound, but it turns out they are just rational thinkers.

Stop being silly. The children were 9 and 12, not 0 and 3. And how they would have interpreted her leaving is based on their long-term relationship with OP, which is clearly good and rooted in love and trust.

If you work with kids (I do too btw) and you still don't understand these basic facts or seem to think 9 and 12 year olds are too stupid to clearly perceive the situation, or that they are akin to babies who don't yet understand object permanence, then perhaps you should pay better attention to the children you work with.

Humans interpret each others' actions based on prior experience and the already established relationship. Children begin this from very early on. That's why children react very differently to a mother walking out of the room in the "Strange Situation" test. You can already spot a securely attached child from 9 months. Clearly the children understood the situation based on a good relationship with their mum and no harm was done.

Can we please stop all the nonsensical pearl-clutching on this thread?

Absolutely!
The idea that at 9 and 12 the children didn't know what was going on and were wondering if their mum was ever coming back is ludicrous.
A 12 year old is Year 8 at Secondary school fgs!

9 and 12?
Wow reading the replies you’d think they were little.

12 would be about year 8? And while 9 is young I have an 8 about to be 9 and a 10 year old and the 10 year old has been walking herself to and from school every day since she was 9, goes to the local shop or both girls walk down the road to the park with scooters, presumably these children especially the secondary school child who will be a teenager come her birthday is alone sometimes for half an hour?
Would they not call if they were worried?

OP you have not committed child abuse.

You've done nothing wrong. All you did was used a coping mechanism.
Carry on. X
These vipers and others who see themselves as perfect parents...bet their kids have a different view.. are not your friends.

Never forgiven her? WTF? 🙈 you need some real trauma, that’ll show you how mild her doing that actually was.

Kids are infuriating. Go back home, say “Right are you two going to behave now?”
and carry on.
My mother (the sweetest, most even-tempered person ever) used to yell “I’m going to bang your two heads together if you don’t pack it in!” to me and my sister on a regular basis!
Kids fight - yell at them to stop and if they don’t, shut yourself off somewhere in peace.

All over and done with, kids were fine days ago.

Good for you