Just walked out on kids

[patiencehasgone]

Just that, really.

9 and 12 years old. Constantly fucking bickering.

Do not listened to me when I ask them to stop. Or listen full stop really.

They started arguing over a fucking face towel, so I said ‘nope, not having this be my life’ grabbed my bag and keys, got in my car and have driven round the corner and parked up.

not really sure what I do from here really.

a social worker has posted that it wouldn’t.

but seeing as you know better, go for it.

Well, apparently, not ALL adults.

Well if they say they're a social worker, that must be true.

I'm sure your neighbours see more than enough. Ask them to report you. You seem to really want to be reported, which is bizarre enough. And you also seem to want permission to abandon your kids because "iT's ReALlY haRd to PaREnt". So bizarre all round really.

Gosh, you love to make things up in your head, don’t you?

I don’t WANT to be reported, I’m just confident that whilst I had a very shit moment (or 30) I am not abusive to my child, which is not only insulting to me, but also to children who actually have gone through abuse.

also didn’t need permission or congratulations, I was just a stressed out mum who had done something they weren’t feeling good about, and took a moment to get it off my chest to a group of other parents. My mistake.

It was a mistake, indeed. Do better next time.

Same. It was terrifying. I never felt the same about her again. I’m sure we apologies profusely but it definitely damaged our relationship.

How sad that you’ve come here for a bit of moral support and have been so challenged, criticised and attacked by other parents.
They are clearly all perfect parents with angelic children.
my kids used to almost kill each other at times. I would be tearing my hair out.
How I didn’t knock their blocks off I’ll never know. Look after yourself. You’re doing fine.
A ‘good enough’ mother is good enough as John Bowlby said.

I find it fascinating that so many of the defensive posters here seem to equate not leaving your children home alone with being perfect parents.

I would argue that the sort of mother who leaves her children home alone as a punishment is not a "good enough mother". It's actually a pretty good example of below average parenting.

What a lot of hyperbole. A minority of parents weren’t cheering the OP on. All the others thought it was just the ticket and agreed with you.

The 14yo thing is still not a law though. Yes there's guidelines and people can be prosecuted for failing to care for their child, but 14 isn't a fixed age in law. If it was, babysitters wouldn't have existed in the 1990s!!!

I know plenty of people who leave under 14s together at home, especially if two secondary age children.

Thanks for this.

I find it genuinely offensive that some people think going out for half an hour is abusive, when your oldest is twelve.

My sister was babysitting for her two younger siblings at that age, and we’d seen a damn sight more than my mum leaving the house for a bit.

Is it ideal? No. Do we need to ring Child Line? Also no.

Ignore them all OP

You took yourself off to regulate yourself. Not ideal but sometimes we need to do things to make our kids realise their actions impact the emotional wellbeing of their parents, that we are humans, and we won’t always take their shit. Don’t give any of the catastrophisers any of your energy.

Hope your kids aren’t too annoying for the rest of the school holidays 🙌

It wasn't an ideal situation and OP knows that but equally there's not likely to be any long term damage. Parents are allowed to be human, have feelings, and show emotions. The number of people on MN who appear to be terrified that any negative experience will traumatise their child for life is a worry.

To all the posters repeatedly criticising OP I'd like to know what you hoped to gain. Surely one comment would have been enough or do you just like kicking someone who's looking for some support?

For people wanting a social work assessment it would involve individual interviews with the children without parents being present;* *interviews with both parents individually and together and would look at their relationship and parenting capacity; we would look at the home conditions in terms of food, cleanliness etc and yes, we can check your cupboards, fridge and beds; family income, poverty, and debt; any issues with addiction, substances or evidence of domestic abuse; police checks on both parents; information from school (always have someone to contact over the holidays); information on health of the children; assessment of their social, educational and emotional development. Does this one event warrant this level of intrusion (and I haven't mentioned everything) into a family's life?
People have mentioned 'good enough' parenting and that's what we look for. No one's expected to be perfect and if this is just a blip then that's how it would be treated. However, it wouldn't even get to the assessment stage because we're too busy with children who've got a lot more going on than being left alone for less than an hour.

We have agreed with each other it seems 👌

Arguing over a face towel?

Oh you sweet, naive child. Have you never come across a pair of siblings before? 😂

It seems the majority of posters have a very low bar when it comes to parenting. Perhaps I am perfect after all. Yay for me.

Good luck to all of your children.

People are crazy on here.
Hope you’re ok OP. Haven’t finished reading the thread but you’re a person too and still navigating life for the first time as everyone does. Absolutely fine to take yourself off for a breather at those ages. We are not martyrs. Does our children good to realise that we’re human too, and not the everlasting fountain of patience and calm. It’s not real life.
People seriously need to get a grip.

Or you have a really high bar. We're not all the same remember.

I predict your children may be slightly coddled.

Someone with an attitude such as yours isn't great parenting. I'm assuming they are only taught strict rules and not how to be empathetic.

How have you arrived at the conclusion that she won’t teach her children about empathy? Being bothered that someone else’s children might be affected by their mother threatening to an abandon them sounds like her empathy is functioning better than most people on this thread.

Thank God the real world isn't like an MN board!
Well, it isn't in my experience anyway.

So many fixed opinions, so much judgement and way, way too much OTT therapy speak.

At no point have I said no be should be 'bothered' about the incident in the OP. The OP herself has said she didn't handle it properly and it was a one off, which is why she was bothered enough to post in the first place.

That PP was not trying to be constructive at all. She made her point then kept sticking the boot in, inferring the neighbour's should report her and that anyone who can understand a parent having to leave a situation is somewhat 'bizarre'. Including the social worker who has commented (who apparently is not even a real SW according to the pp).

If she was that empathetic and worried about these kids she wouldn't be trying to continually put down the OP when she has already explained how under pressure she was. It was faux concern to make themselves feel superior.

Intelligent people look at the situation and offer advice, even if that includes some straight talking, they don't keep poking and prodding a person who has admitted their mistake, has said it won't happen again, and clarified that their children are fine.

EDIT - refuse to continually bash a stranger on how their children might be treated at home.

The constant kicking and demanding of unrealistic standards and false claims of the law are, ironically pretty abusive and damage less confident parents with their scaremongering and lack of realism.

Accepting that it's OK to leave a 12 & 9yo for a short while mades it easier to say "your bickering is unacceptable and driving me mad. I'm going for a walk around the block and expect you to have sorted it out peacefully by the time I'm back" whereas false "rules" trapping a parent in makes it more likely that the reaction will become more emotionally charged

Excessive coddling can also damage children long term if they've been too insulated from the normal range of human emotions and how to resolve them, either by leaving them unaware of their effect on other people or not giving them the experience to work with other's needs.

Imperfect experiences often have the strongest learning moments.
Today, OP's children learned about the impact of their behaviour on their mum and mutual reconciliation. It was imperfect but it was not abuse.

I thought it was the OP who suggested that poster should report her and so that poster responded sarcastically. Albeit, the OP was also being sarcastic.

Anyway, I wouldn’t worry. The OP seems to be firmly reassured she has done nothing wrong and there’s nothing to see here, so that’s that I suppose.

Can you show where I’ve said anything to suggest that I’ve been reassured that I’ve done nothing wrong?