Just walked out on kids

[patiencehasgone]

Just that, really.

9 and 12 years old. Constantly fucking bickering.

Do not listened to me when I ask them to stop. Or listen full stop really.

They started arguing over a fucking face towel, so I said ‘nope, not having this be my life’ grabbed my bag and keys, got in my car and have driven round the corner and parked up.

not really sure what I do from here really.

That doesn't make it acceptable.

Poor children.

Im not holier than though, but im an adult who was a child scarred by similar behaviour. Wonderful for you if you've not had those experiences, not all of us are that lucky. I may of course be wrong but I doubt she brightly said "im not having this be my life" whilst skipping out the door with a smile on her face.

So?

So what do you recommend? Even my parent friends that subscribe to the most idealistic gentle parenting theories have lost their rag and shouted at their kids when they have misbehaved. Sure they beat themselves up about it but it still happens.

I would recommend not leaving your children home alone while you tantrum, and also not "losing your rag" with them.

Learn to regulate your emotions without abusing your children and then asking everyone to agree it's ok because you're "just a mum who is ever so tired because it's summer holidays blah blah".

What's the point in recommending something that so few people are clearly capable of actually doing? Most of us can't regulate our emotions at all times to the point where we never shout or need to take time to calm down.

I had many experiences that most MNetters would consider pretty harrowing which may explain why the OP's actions seem pretty mild to me. I was pre school age the first time my mum walked out with a suitcase and said she wasn't coming back. You can feel free to judge her, I don't because I understand the bigger picture. I'm not about to project my own childhood trauma onto another situation to make the OP feel guilty for something my mother did.

You gotta let it go!

Just because you can't do it, doesn't mean "most people" can't.

You can calm down without abusing your children. I guarantee most parents manage it.

Every parent I know has done something against the gentle parenting rules. Mostly normal people holding down jobs and living normal lives. No one manages the Stepford Wife approach at all times, even the ones who try.

This is exaggerated. My mum did the same thing and while yes at the time we were terrified as we grow up we learn that even mums can have a breaking point. So long as they return soon enough.

Good for you. And 9 and 12 is ok to leave for a short period of time.

Deep breaths and then plan what you are going to do when you get back.

I was regularly left for 4 hours with my older sister when I was 6-7 and she was 8-9. The neighbour checked in on us but both my parents had to work and childcare as it is today wasn't even a thing. Maybe you're privileged enough that you don't know how often this is a reality for children.

I was a latch key kid from 6, no privilege here.

You've already posted that once. I ignored you. I'm telling you that so you won't go to the trouble of posting it a third time.

I think like me this person assumed OP was leaving for good and not just to take a break. I assume they have been abandoned by their mother so not fair to say that they are childish.

Sometimes children need to see that their parents are human too and that they can't behave like little shits without any pushback. It's particularly important they learn this before they get to the teenage stage.

I'm not condoning actually abandoning them of course but occasionally putting the fear of god into them when needed and appropriate is very far from the worst thing you could do.

@patiencehasgone if your kids were 4 and 6 i'd agree with some of the posters but 9 and 12 are capable of calling dad if they were so distressed, they didn't ! Nope you needed to make a stand and you did, christ i was letting myself in from school at 9 with a younger sister! Look after yourself and your sanity and they will be just fine! ❤️

Because describing what the OP did as "emotional abuse" is OTT and ridiculous.

I'm a social worker and there's so much nonsense being spouted on this thread. All the points you've made about needing to be 14 are wrong. There is no age limit for leaving two children at home, unsupervised.
Children are far more resilient than many people on here give them credit for and, they survived. They've been described as contrite but it's been interpreted as being scared. initial fear followed by a period of reflection is what probably happened and honestly, it's probably done them some good.
If nothing else OP has had a little reset and now feels more able to cope. Parents are allowed to be human and it doesn't always harm children to see that. None of what OP has described suggests that they're being brought up in a dysfunctional family, unlike the poor posters who do appear to have been genuinely affected. None of what OP deścribed would meet the threshold for intervention and a one off incident such as this would not constitute emotional abuse. If this, for some reason, ever did come across my desk, I'd appreciate that she knew when to walk away because there could have been a risk of it escalating into something more serious. She could see that and made the right choice to remove herself.

Ed. The fact that, on the same day, they feel comfortable enough to 'start being silly again' kind of confirms there's no long lasting trauma or fear of permanent rejection.

Do you just like the sound of your own typing?

You are either childless or you had your children so long ago you can't remember what it's like at that stage.

She was responding to another poster who asked why she had said it

My eldest is 9. So that’s not the case for me.

I’m not judging the Op, but I’m not going to say the behaviour is good or ok. We’ve all
had our shit moments, but I don’t think it helps anyone to say “good for you”.

What if OP lost her rag and accidentally said out loud “your bickering makes me want to kill myself”

I mean, it’s understandable but it’s going to have done damage that needs addressing, not MNetters saying “good for you, bet that was a sharp shock to the system that will keep them in line from now on”.

So unbelievably sanctimonious.

It's absolutely not abuse, a one-off situation where a mother reaches her limit is not going to harm them. For something to be emotional abuse, if has to be a repeated pattern of damaging behaviour. If her relationship with the children is otherwise good, and it sounds like it is, they won't have thought she had left them for good. They will have simply understood that their mum is a person too, who also has needs and feelings and limits.

My mum got sick of me and my brother bickering once and chucked a mug at the wall, in frustration. If she had done that regularly, it would have been abusive. As she only did it once, it was instead a wake-up call.

Big hugs OP. Better to have walked away for 30 minutes than belted them, which is what my mother once did. Sometimes it's very hard to ignore the incessant bickering.

When my kids were this age and I’d reached the end of my tether, if my husband was home, I’d finally snap. I’d say, “I can’t get into this anymore with you too. If I stay and you continue to be like this, I’m afraid I’ll say some really hurtful, damaging things. I’m going to put my self in timeout in my car to calm down. I’ll come back in side in a little bit.”
I and I did. But I stayed in my own driveway. To my surprise, when I came back
in after 15 minutes, they’d stopped bickering.
I really had been afraid I’d say
some that couldn’t be unsaid.