Just walked out on kids

[patiencehasgone]

Just that, really.

9 and 12 years old. Constantly fucking bickering.

Do not listened to me when I ask them to stop. Or listen full stop really.

They started arguing over a fucking face towel, so I said ‘nope, not having this be my life’ grabbed my bag and keys, got in my car and have driven round the corner and parked up.

not really sure what I do from here really.

"I am left wondering how big some of your houses are…because I would still be able to hear my kids even if I shut myself in a different room!"

Mine is a three bed thirties semi, so not particularly big, but with very thick brick and breezeblock internal walls, so very little sound carries, at least through the walls. The only way I know our sixteen year old is about is when I hear the thud on the ceiling above as she jumps down from the top bunk (because using the ladder is for losers, obviously). We have an intercom system on the landline, with handsets in the living room and all three bedrooms, which is useful for communicating without yelling oneself hoarse. 😁

oh I hear you OP .
I couldn’t do that because my youngest ( of 3 ) has learning disabilities and autism.
However with 2 regular kids that age , they will be fine for half an hour in their own home .
im hoping you have a little shop nearby that you can buy a coffee and a little treat then head back to them and explain to them how ridiculous they’re being

This post has made me feel so much better today. I am three days away from my period and my autistic daughter has refused to be in a different room to me for the entire summer holiday, not even when we are asleep, she follows me around like a shadow and I have zero space. I lost my shit this morning and felt awful. You’re not alone!

It is emotionally abusive.

It is emotional abuse.

OP needs to learn to regulate her own feelings.

It isn't about leaving the children alone, its about what was said to them and the circumstances surrounding that. There is a world of difference between a mum saying she is popping to the shop and leaving her kids alone for 30mins and leaving the house shouting that they don't want this to be their life. In the first the children reasonably expect their mother to return, in the second they have no idea if she will ever come back. That is the point.

Children don't need robotic Stepford Wife parents. Real parents have emotions and can be pushed too far. Are these things ideal? No but in the real world parents will lose their rag and shout or have to take time a minute to themselves.

🙄

Why the eye roll?

In the "real world", parents do not walk out and leave their children home alone. This is not normal or acceptable behaviour.

I wouldn't class 30 mins a long period. And the older child is 12.

Well the fact that they were a bit sheepish shows that you have done a good job raising them because they were able to recognise that they had tipped you over the edge. It also sounds like they weren't remotely traumatised and were perfectly able to recognise that you were blowing off a bit of steam. Ignore all the perfect parents on here who never lose their shit.

No wonder this country is in such a mess when it comes to children & young people. Emotional abuse?? Just stop it.

I’m not at all surprised a parent might feel the need to step away from such an incident for a few minutes.

Children need parents first & foremost, not best friends/therapists.

No.

Nobody can regulate their feelings all the time, it's just unrealistic and not particularly healthy.

I appreciate it was probably was a scary episode for the children and that OP needs to go back and apologise, but sometimes children do need to understand that everyone has a limit.

Stepping away and driving off are very different things and would elicit very different responses.

You're right that children need parents though. Ideally ones who can regulate their own emotions and don't strop off when they "find it all too much".

It's not healthy to regulate your feelings? Well it is, isn't it? It's not healthy to let your feelings build up and then drive off leaving your kids home alone. So my point stands.

Where does the OP say she was shouting? You think a 9 and 12 year old believed their exasperated mother was leaving for good with just her keys and her bag? They weren't even concerned enough to phone their. I imagine they were at home thinking "fuck, we're really in trouble now".

I know Mumsnet is full of holier than thou types who think children will be scarred for life by the most minor upset but there is no need to make things up to strengthen your argument.

I was a latch key kid from six.

Most parents I know have either done this or they have lost their shit and shouted.

You did the right thing by exiting the house, it’s much better than screaming at them.
Hopefully when you go home, they will be shaken up enough to take you seriously

And remember, this will pass

The kids are 12 and 9. They are fine in house for a short period.

Mine used to bickering all the time..still do. Sometimes I get involved sometimes I let them sort it out.

I saw it with my nieces when they were pulling hair over a top aged 15 and 17.

Don't be hard on yourself. They will start learning the impact of behaviour and if they don't... Start withdrawing money and treats.

I certainly get cross and my children absolutely know they’ve pushed my buttons, I just don’t leave the house and leave them alone.

Could you share your understanding of how trauma presents in children of these ages?

Well that’s deffo better than lashing out and shouting/hitting them I suppose, so well done for removing yourself from the situation. But is there any consistent consequence when they bicker? Have you tried docking their pocket money by £1 every time they start arguing?