Just walked out on kids

[patiencehasgone]

Just that, really.

9 and 12 years old. Constantly fucking bickering.

Do not listened to me when I ask them to stop. Or listen full stop really.

They started arguing over a fucking face towel, so I said ‘nope, not having this be my life’ grabbed my bag and keys, got in my car and have driven round the corner and parked up.

not really sure what I do from here really.

They will be fine for half an hour op. Take a breather. Can one of them go to a friend's house for the day to give them a break from each other?

Good thing the op isn't leaving them for a long period then. She's round the corner catching her breath, not off out for the day

I physically separated my younger two last week sent them to different rooms 17 and fucking 13 ENOUGH LEAVE EACH OTHER ALONE

I woukd have walked out but I have nice neighbours

I understand your frustration but theyre children.

My mum used to do this when my sister and i fought constantly. She'd scream and shout louder storm off, slam the door, lock us in and be gone for a while.

It was terrifying. Partly because we couldn't get out and partly because we didnt known when ahe was coming back or what she would do to us when she did.

Why did you fight constantly and if judge her reaction what could she have done that would have stopped you fighting?

Unless she didn’t ever come back, you need to get the fuck over it.

My kids are 9 and 12 OP and although I haven’t yet walked out the house on them they have certainly pushed me to the point of having to walk away and find a quiet corner of the house and have a little cry.

They can be so trying.

Deep breath, re-set, and go back.

You’ll be ok xx

Totally get this. I have a 10 and 14 year old so totally relate. They literally bicker over anything and everything and push buttons I didn’t even know I possess. You are sat in your car worrying and they are probably oblivious that you have even left. When you are calm I would go home and let them know how sad they have made you feel. Be honest with them. Then tell them to go to their rooms to have a think about how they have made you feel. My two would sheepishly come down and apologise and I’m sure yours will too. Then re start the day by maybe doing something together like a board game? Have a fun moment. Our family saying is we don’t hold grudges in this family. It does work. Good luck 😉

Sometimes you just reach the end of your rope. It’s not great that you walked out but it’s better than absolutely losing your shit with them.
Do they have separate bedrooms where they can both be sent to cool down when they’re arguing?
Would they be better behaved if they each had a friend round (although appreciate you can’t do this every day).
Is their dad in the family home or are you separated?
Sorry, so many questions!

Probably for the same reason that we all used to shit in nappies, ride bikes with stabilisers, believe our dolls were real and had imaginary friends- we were all children once!

Children learn, they go through many stages, they clash with people, they learn about communication, conflict and behaviour. What we DON’T do as parents is match them where they are at and storm out throwing a tantrum. I can’t imagine judging my own children for being unable to control their tempers if I’m actually not even capable of controlling mine without storming out of the house?

Why didn't the two of you calm down with the fighting then? Can't have been that terrifying otherwise you'd have altered your behaviour surely?

upmost empathy and support from me to you OP- i have never done this but i have gone out to the garden locking the door behind me as i thought i was going to explode due to tiredness and stress . it is a good thing to be able to step away when at breaking point - and it is also good for children to realise that their parents ( especially their mother ) are human beings. you know that you shouldn’t have done this in such a dramatic manner but you are handling it as best you can - i would think about how you in future would handle this so that when you need space again you can do it in a way that means you don’t feel bad about temp “abandoning” them . all best - we are all just getting through the hard stuff !

The end of the world rhetoric from some posters is hilarious

i would absolutely do what you did OP - as parents we have noting left in the arsenal to control behaviour anymore - no clips round the ear no smacks on the hand not even really losing your shit and shouting at them as some busy body neighbour is liable to call social services - they need a short sharp shock and hopefully it will be a wake up call. Next time I’d get a suitcase out and tell them to decide whose clothes are going in it if they can’t live together someone will have to leave

I used to work with a woman who would leave her 3 kids for entire days in the holidays whilst she went to work. One was 12 the other around 7 and the other about 4

Actually I think removing yourself from an argument is positive rather than sniping on and on at each other while it escalates. My cousins were a similar age gap and they used to get physical which would not have happened if one of them left the room.

Probably because children learn best when they feel safe, connected, calm. When a child feels scared their brain is so busy trying to deal with that emotion that they aren’t actually taking in anything about lesson or cause. You do not teach a child about behaviour through fear- hope that helps!

Imagine we're all this perfect....

Back to reality, you're fine OP. They'll be fine too and potentially gives them a boot about their behaviour.

But OP hasn’t separated the children, she’s taken herself away from both of them, by your own argument she’s leaving them to potentially get physical rather than dealing with the conflict in a healthy way?

Everyone seems to be expecting adult levels of brain development from 12 and 9 year olds. They just don’t have that.
Mine are 13, 11 and 7 so I absolutely get the intense frustration at the bickering. But it’s a completely normal part of development. It’s how they learn about conflict resolution. My brother and I bickered constantly, then were the best of friends from about ages 18 and 16 onwards until he died.
That doesn't make it any less frustrating for the adults in the family, but sibling bickering is part and parcel of having more than one child.

That really doesn’t help.

Wow this is awful. I’m sorry but no. This is not ok. Yes they’re old enough to be left alone, but that’s not the point. You’ve not told them you’re nipping to the shops for a loaf. They think you’ve walked out and left them! I’d have been in bits as a child if my mum had done that.

Take a break, regroup and get back in there when you feel ready.

No? I suspect this will shock them into stopping.

The problem with intervening is that the children often see this as the parent picking sides (as they both get told off for something they consider the other one started) and it does not help.

Mine are the same ages, my tactic is to ignore them.

It's not ideal by todays standards but you certainly can teach a child through fear. Not talking toddlers here are we, but older children who've developed the skills already just choosing not to behave.