So angry what is wrong with some parents

[fumingrightnow1]

My dd14 was supposed to be sleeping at a friend's tonight. They have had an argument and she said let's just leave it and go to sleep her friend told her she had to leave so she's walked home and just come in the door at gone 10pm. I can't believe the mum didn't step in and do anything or let me know and I would've got her. I've said to dd why didn't you call me but she just shrugged and said she was fine walking and didn't want to stand outside waiting for me. Its about a 10 minute walk. I don't let her out on her own at this time of night. As a parent i would have stepped in and can't believe this other mum did nothing.

Yes. Children of 14 can arrange their own sleepovers. Children of 14 should not be walking around at 10pm, dark or not, without anyone knowing where they are.

Then they should be able to be trusted to contact their own parents in an emergency, clearly op's dd cannot. Why 10pm? What time is it "safe" to be out?

I maintain I would be furious with my daughter in this scenario as she's old enough to know what we've decided (together!) is best to keep her safe. Storming out in the middle of the night without telling anyone = not safe. That would be on her and I would be pulling back on her freedoms quite a lot until she was ready to try again.

If children of 14 organise their own sleepovers, then there is no guarantee of there being an adult there at all, in which case the responsibility for not walking round at 10pm, dark or not, also sits with the 14 year old.

Yes, and OP has expressed that to her daughter, who is a child.

Why not 2am? Why not 4am? Let them stay out all night! If you want to let your daughter walk around at night alone and are comfortable with that then that is fine, but it quite lax and most parents would not be comfortable with their young teenager walking the streets alone at night.

14 year olds are children. If a parent is leaving their 14 year old child alone overnight then there are big safeguarding problems. But there was an adult there in this case.

A child, yes.
So following that logic… you’d want to be able to get in touch with whomever she was sleeping over at?

It’s crazy isn’t it!! If my daughter is staying at a friend’s house I expect the adult in that house to do exactly that, be the adult! It’s absolute madness that a grown adult would let her daughter kick a friend out of the house at any time, let alone 10pm. At worst the mum could have got OP’s number off her daughter and messaged/called to say that OP’s daughter had left and was walking home. OP you have every right to be annoyed, and as this thread clearly shows, the lesson here is that not everyone parents the way we do, and we have to take our own measures to keep our kids safe. There’s nothing you could do here other than what you’ve already done, messaged the other parent (and I use that term loosely) stopped your daughter ever going round there again, and made her aware of the dangers that she very likely had no concept of in the heat of the moment and what must have been and upsetting situation for her. She wasn’t the adult here and should have been able to rely on the actual adult, however, lesson will have be learned and luckily no other harm came from it, it could have been much, much worse.

Without escalating things futher, I'd make excuses not to get involved with this family again. Is the area generally safe where you live? A 10 minute walk can have very different risks in different parts of the UK.

Point out to your daughter that for her safety or in case you weren't at home, please give a call just to check that you are there. In the heat of the moment, maybe she didn't think - teenagers often don't. Hopefully she'll understand your concerns for her safety.

😂🙄 Did your mother ring your friends’ mothers when you were a teenager?

Well yes exactly so why did you message the Mum? What are you hoping to achieve?

No never

but these girls have been staying over at one another’s house multiple times and friends since 11

my daughter staying over multiple times anywhere and their daughter staying with me multiple times… yes, I’d want their number and I’d want them to have mine.

They’re not eight.

Did I say they were?

They’ve been saying over at each others houses multiple times. So let’s say since they were… 12? Yes, my 12 year old staying over loads of times somewhere and vice versa, I’d want the number

You wouldn’t 🤷‍♀️ .
Fair enough

Don’t judge others by your own standards. The way some parents used to carry on never ceased to amaze me when mine were younger. I’d regularly have a house full of teens for sleepovers so I knew mine were safe.