So angry what is wrong with some parents

[fumingrightnow1]

My dd14 was supposed to be sleeping at a friend's tonight. They have had an argument and she said let's just leave it and go to sleep her friend told her she had to leave so she's walked home and just come in the door at gone 10pm. I can't believe the mum didn't step in and do anything or let me know and I would've got her. I've said to dd why didn't you call me but she just shrugged and said she was fine walking and didn't want to stand outside waiting for me. Its about a 10 minute walk. I don't let her out on her own at this time of night. As a parent i would have stepped in and can't believe this other mum did nothing.

It's dark when school finishes in winter in a lot of places.

10pm is only just after dark at the moment. And it's warm nights - still might be lots of peope about

The important thing is not that it's dark but that the risk of doing something particular has been assessed.

Lol Whatsapp didn't exist when my DD was in year 7

Text then. Or carrier pigeon? Or even (faints in horror) an actual phone call?

So you would expect random people to text or phone you?

Do you generally give your number out to all and subdry

When I was a kid there was none of this parents being in touch with each other. Of my two best friends at school Ms mum and my dad never spoke and D's dad only spoke to mine to try and convert his to Christianity ( he was an evangelist)

Well they are not random people are they? They are the parents of the friends of your DC. If you've got as far as secondary school you have already had years of "random parents" phoning or texting you about child related things.

Seems a bit odd to not be happy to have a "random person" text or phone you, but be perfectly happy to send your child round to their house.

The comments on here.
My eldest child is 16 and I wouldn’t expect her to be walking around on her own at 10pm. I did, but I did all sorts of fool stuff…

Nope never had it through primary either with 3 kids.
And who said I " sent" my kids to their houses?

What age is old enough then? All of my kids had jobs at 16 often finished at 10. They had to walk to bus stop at least. I was working full time, doing a levels in evening classes and had my own place at 17 Should I not have gone home by myself of an evening

I would be annoyed at the mother of the child for not letting you know. She is in charge and has a duty of care to the girls at the sleep over. What a little madam treating your daughter like that - gives me flashbacks to my own teen years and the mean girls. I hope your daughter is alright, what a horrible experience for her.

She couldn't let OP know as she didn't have her contact detalis despite their children having been friends for years (which is what the second half of this thread is mostly about)

But nothing stopped the daughter letting er mum know she was coming home.

How long does it take to be abducted? I would be really upset.

I would have walked her home or got the parents number from her and called them. She had a duty of care. Its not hard!

how is it safer for you to walk home from DD's house than for DD to walk there in the first place?

Getting the phone number from DD assumes that DD wanted to give it. Which I suspect she didn't in the circumstances.

Indeed. Which is why I think the ire at the other parent is misplaced.

At 10pm at night on her own, I’m not so sure.

You do you, whatever. It’s not 14 that’s for sure.

And that is your daughter's version of events after seeing you upset and angry when she arrived home alone after 10.00pm.

I bet that there definitely would be another version available.

As others said I find it very strange you dont have mums number or have offered yours when her child stayed at yours lots

equally your dd should have let you know what was happening as if not home 10.15 you wouldnt have known she was missing and possibly abducted /raped etc till later the next day

I also blame the mum for not contacting you via her dd tho obv not talking or taking dd home to you at that hour

10 is late to walk home alone. It’s dark. She would have been emotional etc and not noticed if someone suddenly grabbed her

hopefully this will blow over. Teens argue all the time if usually good /best/sleepover friends

what did they argue about ? Boys ?

I’m with you op. If something had happened then the first person who would be looked at is who the adult in charge was. Your dd was meant to be in her care.

otoh I think where you went wrong is not knowing the home environment, contact number and the parent WELL.

perhaps in the mothers mind her not contacting you goes well in hand at how irresponsible this whole arrangement was in the first place.

you can argue that this is how 14yo do things BUT had something gone wrong, everyone will be saying she was ONLY 14yo.

I think you’re both wrong here.

So what is it then that YOU would feel ok about it?

Dunno. I’ll work that out with my 16yo when it feels right for her, rather than justifying myself to people on the internet.