So angry what is wrong with some parents

[fumingrightnow1]

My dd14 was supposed to be sleeping at a friend's tonight. They have had an argument and she said let's just leave it and go to sleep her friend told her she had to leave so she's walked home and just come in the door at gone 10pm. I can't believe the mum didn't step in and do anything or let me know and I would've got her. I've said to dd why didn't you call me but she just shrugged and said she was fine walking and didn't want to stand outside waiting for me. Its about a 10 minute walk. I don't let her out on her own at this time of night. As a parent i would have stepped in and can't believe this other mum did nothing.

What on earth would be achieved by her going to round? Quite mad.

The thread title was written just after it happened and I was so angry we are nearly 24 hours later

To actually speak to her as she isn’t answering her message?

OP doesn’t need to speak to her. Her child is home and won’t be staying at that house again.

Yeah, this. I think 14 is fine to be walking 10 minutes at 10pm.

Unless you're in The Bronx I wouldn't bat an eyelid at my teen walking for 10 minutes at 10 pm.

I feel you’ve got a lot of negativity on here about her walking home but I can say I have a 15 son and we would absolutely pick him up and not expect him to walk home at 10. We live in Greater London and wouldn’t feel safe letting him walk home alone. Will be the same when our daughter is a similar age.

i also wouldn’t let a child who was meant to staying at my house leave alone and not contact the parent. I only have contact details for his friends parents due to party WhatsApp groups. That mum is in the wrong and probably hasn’t replied as she knows it

I do think you should be a bit annoyed at your dd and yourself instead of taking out all the anger on the other parent . I would not let someone else’s 14 year old walk home at ten o clock at night no way. But other parents have other rules , clearly and your communication has been poor with the other parent as well.

I think I’d be pretty mad with the other mum, and also livid with my dd. Walking back at 10pm in the dark is not ok for a 14 year old girl. Yes, unlikely anything would happen but if it did no one would know until prob gone 10am the next day!!

Context is so important for what many would consider safe or not. We live in a small village, I am comfortable that my DD11 is safe walking back from an activity at 10pm once a week. Its a 2-3 min walk and I know what time it finishes and when she'll be home, and it means we don't need to get her toddler out at that time if one of us is working late.

However, if I lived in London, absolutely no chance. And the biggest red flag, OP didn't know her daughter was out. As she's said many times, if anything had happened, no-one would have known for 12-18 hours or so, as there was no information passed about her being out.

So it was irresponsible of the parent at the sleepover, she was in charge of the kids. The walk itself isn't necessarily a problem, not OPs preference and we don't know where it was for how safe it may be (or not). But the lack of communication meant that OP didn't know she was on her way, and the other parent didn't know that she had arrived home safely.

Parental preferences aside, it is important to take responsibility when we are caring for each others kids at playdates, sleepovers etc and if we aren't prepared to, don't have the kids over!

This!!!

I've already said this. It's not if neither the mother of the friend or OP know that OP's DD is walking home alone at 10pm. That she has gone missing might not have been realised until the morning! Mother of DD's friend needs to apologise and keep a better eye on her DD's guests and what is going, surely?

I had never thought about it until now, but maybe teens parents do still need to communicate - if other mum saw no problem with DD walking home at 10pm, I'd imagine she'd have no problem with them walking together to Tesco or whatever at that time either. Some parents will, some parents won't, but are we just trusting teens to tell their friends "I'm not allowed"? Especially if there's a group.

3 Lucky Stars is right, OP. You could have been fooled in just this way. Each girl would tell her DM she was staying at the other girl's house and then off they go to an all night party and no-one knows where they are. You should have had the other girl's mother's phone number and she had yours. You are lucky it was only a row and your DD got home safely. You have been playing fire! Much too laid back.

This site it littered with posts about men raping women, how we're not safe etc and @fumingrightnow1 is getting light heat for saying her DD 14yo should not have walked home on her own at 10pm. Seriously?

I'm with you OP. She should have called you or her DFs m should have (assuming she knew).

I know that I'd not let a 14 year old in my care make their own way home. I'd either 1. Tell my child the friend will be staying on sofa separately and go home first thing. 2. Ring parents to explain and tell them to come get their child 3. Got the child home myself wether that's driving them, walking them home or paying for a taxi. So yanbu for being peeved at the parent. But also your daughter should know better than to walk home alone at that time, she could have contacted you herself and quite frankly if she's not mature enough to do that she's not mature enough to be stopping out

They haven't been having sleepovers since 11 they've been friends since the start of secondary school

Why? So you can call me reckless further will that make you feel better?

Yes, totally agree!
I have a 14 yr old DD and no way would she be walking anywhere at 10 on her own and we live in a relatively safe area.
Regardless of the OP and the other Mum not knowing each other, the Mum had a duty of care for OP’s daughter and should have made sure both girls were ok after the argument (especially as it was so loud) and made sure that OP’s DD got home safe. Surely she knew she had left but sounds like she just turned a blind eye.
And yes one positive of secondary is not having to deal with the parents on a daily basis! 😂

It does all depend on the area. We always lived in a busy, well lit area with good public transport and youngsters came and went under their own steam, that was normal. If they went further afield, lifts would be arranged.

I'd be scared walking down a country road in the dark, surrounded by trees, no traffic, but round my way, there are always people and the street lighting is excellent.

So a 14 year old is grown up enough that she can go and sleep in friends houses (or say that she is) where you have no contact details for the parents or they yours. But no where near old enough to walk 10 minutes home in the dark?

When did the girls start having sleepovers at one another’s homes @fumingrightnow1 ?

Have they made up yet?

As someone said up thread, some of these replies are utterly bonkers.

Posters trying to outparent OP and each other. Stop being so nasty and support your fellow mums. OP has done NOTHING wrong.

Pile ons and nasty posts ruin threads.