So angry what is wrong with some parents

[fumingrightnow1]

My dd14 was supposed to be sleeping at a friend's tonight. They have had an argument and she said let's just leave it and go to sleep her friend told her she had to leave so she's walked home and just come in the door at gone 10pm. I can't believe the mum didn't step in and do anything or let me know and I would've got her. I've said to dd why didn't you call me but she just shrugged and said she was fine walking and didn't want to stand outside waiting for me. Its about a 10 minute walk. I don't let her out on her own at this time of night. As a parent i would have stepped in and can't believe this other mum did nothing.

You don’t have her number? Your child was sleeping there?

If you don’t have her number, she probably doesn’t have yours, how was she supposed to contact you?

Exactly this is what i would do and what I would expect any parent to do.

She could of got it from my dd

You still don’t actually know if the mum knows your dd left though?

Some absolute wanker replies here. Seriously this place.

Was your daughter scared and upset about walking home?

Or is she more upset about the fallout?

so you have two teens crying / shouting, your daughter wants the crying one to leave. you would then be oblivious to the room going quie, someone walking through your house and the front door going?

Ive messaged her so until she replies I won't know. But I'd be very suprised if she didn't hear someone storming out the house after hearing the argument. They don't live in a mansion its a 3 bed semi.

About the argument.

I imagine your daughter just wanted to get out of the house asap, has her friend checked she got home ok?

Nope. Hopefully this is the end of this friendship.

Definitely yanbu especially if the mum knew she had gone, which it seems likely she might have. She at the very least knew there had been an argument and it doesn’t seem like she dealt with the argument very well If your dd’s account is accurate. If my dc was shouting for their friend to leave I wouldn’t just leave the room I’d try to calm things down and failing that get friend to call parents or take them home myself, they wouldn’t be leaving my house at that time of night alone. I’m generally very hands off when my teenage dc have friends over but I’m always on stand by if something happens.

A 10 min walk home by a 14 yo wouldn't worry me, normal amongst our Dc, but on the other hand if I had a a 14 yo for a sleepover I would assume in loco parentis until they got safely home so would have walked with her or given a lift, if I knew.

I'd also be focusing on what your DD did. It sounds like the other mum did not have your contact details. And may have had other children in the home that she was responsible for. DD may have left too quickly for other mum to stop her and organise a proper lift home.

So I'd give her some grace and focus on giving your DD the skills of how to deal with a really uncomfortable situation like this. She could have called you then waited outside the house until you arrived or made arrangements. Does she know that you have no issue with her calling a taxi and you will pay for it if she is ever in a tight spot like this again?

I'd think nothing of a 14 year old walking 10 minutes at 10pm. My DD at that age gets a bus then has a 20 minute walk alone at that time when she's been to see friends.

What?!!

YANBU OP. Jesus Christ.

Nobody is covered in glory here are they!
DDs mate chucking her out just before 10pm.
The mum.
DD for not calling you to say "mum im coming home" messaging, or anything.

Even if the girls make up, please dont let your DD stay there again. I can't imagine ever thinking a teenager could leave my house in the dark alone. It have taken them home because if they were due to be at my house theyre my responsibility. Id be annoyed too

You know the phrase ‘Hell is other people?’ When my DC were teens it was ‘Hell is my DC’s friends’ parents’. So many inadequate adults out there. I’m glad your DD is safe OP.

Gosh, must have been a pretty bad argument.

I am with you, OP, I would have made sure she got home safely. I wouldn't like my DD out that late alone at that age. I might let my DS.. possibly.. if he had his bike with him, but not a young girl on foot.

I would have called you or taken her home myself. I wouldn't have made up a bed elsewhere as that would be extremely awkward.

I hope your DD is OK and there's no more problems. Girls of this age can take hings too far Nd be very cruel and it's so constant these days with phones and social media :(

I wouldn't be letting her stay there again, if they do make up.

And?? My DD used to do a 10 min walk from ATC at 14. They finished at 10

@fumingrightnow1 the other parent may not know your daughter is not allowed to walk home alone, or she may have assumed she is, if she allows her own DD to be out alone. I understand why you’re upset though.

The other mum should have phoned you to advise of the incident and that your dd would be coming home.

I think there's a disconnect here.

You allowed your daughter to sleep over at someone else's house without knowing the adults' contact details - thus believing your daughter could be left to manage her own affairs.

Then when it went wrong, you blamed the adult in the house - thus believing your daughter should not have been left to manage her own affairs.

Just to balance out the many saying 10 pm isn’t late… I wouldn’t want my daughter that age out at that time walking alone, even for 10 mins.
I’m in a city though. Maybe you others are in a village? Though I can imagine pros and cons for both.

Sorry but this is a 14 year old, old enough to know your rules and boundaries and that she should have called you, its her you should be annoyed with. If it was a younger child yanbu but at 14 she is able to follow your rules. Personally i wouldnt have an issue with mine walking 10mins home at 10pm but a) they would know to message thats what they were doing and b) thats based on where i live and my knowledge of the route home.