Does my toddler sound spoilt & advice on how to deal with this?

[spoilt4advice]

I have a 2.5 year old and I genuinely believe his behaviour is really spoilt and goes beyond a normal toddler tantrum.

We go to the park and when he screams "it's mine!" if another child is on a ride.

If a parcel arrives he will automatically assume it's for him and will go mad unless he opens it first.
Today he threw his toys at the wall and wouldn't stop screaming until the box was opened.

When he saw next door neighbours toddler boy with a pram he wanted one and wanted to take his.
I ordered him one next day delivery as that night all he moaned about was "my pram. I want pram".

If anyone dares moves it touches his toy he will have a tantrum.

For example in the garden he has a bubble blowing machine and I turned it off.

He had a massive tantrum and he actually went and turned it back on and then turned it back off as if to prove a point "its mine".

I really try my best with him as he is extremely hard work and demanding.

To be honest I literally count down the hours until he goes to bed some days as his behaviour is just too much.

Most days are battles with him and he is very whiney and I feel bed a I feel as if I am always eithe saying "no" or telling him off.

He also spits at me and hits me.

He will start spitting at me if I start eating food despite him having his food.

Currently looking at nursery for him for when I go back to work and for some respite and time away from him.

I take him out once a day.
He has garden toys.
A balance bike.

I try and keep him active and do fun activities with him.

TIA x

Do you think he has some sort of neurodivergence?

I’d stop buying things or letting him do things just because he makes a fuss.
What do you do when he spits and hits you?

@LanaDelBoi
I did wonder but I think it's more that he is used to always getting his own way.
I can't stand his crying and screaming and often give in as it just feels like a knife cutting through me.

I attempt to establish boundaries with him where his dad really spoils him and never says no to him.

He speaks in sentences, knows shapes, colours, can count etc and hit all his milestones.

My daughter was like that about the toy train ride outside the shop. She also thought the local swings in the park belonged to her. If she saw anyone else touch them she kicked off. She grew out of it.

@Multiporpoise I say to him "you do not hurt mommy, it's naughty" but he still dosent stop.

Some of this sounds normal for two. Two year old don’t know how to share but do learn with patience and explanation. Your bigger problem is not being on the same page as his Dad. That needs tackling or you will have real problems in the long term.

Talk to your husband and have a united front. If he hits you remove the TV/toy or tablet he is using. He can have it back when he behaves

Wow you have a problem on your hands.

no hitting and spitting at you isn’t normal and you need to nip that in the bud quickly.

just because he cries and whines you buy him what he wanted??? That’s madness! You need to stop the cycle as it will only get worse

Me and OH do find it hard to say no to him and even in shops if he see's something he wants 90% of the time we will buy it him.

We both know this isn't helping the situation but we just wanted to see him happy and we are first time parents to him.

I brought him a helicopter and a new Play Doh set over last week and I notice his behaviour has defo gotten worse.

With how hot it has been and being indoors more I just didn't want him to get bored and keep him entertained.

When he saw next door neighbours toddler boy with a pram he wanted one and wanted to take his.
I ordered him one next day delivery as that night all he moaned about was "my pram. I want pram".
You ask is he spoilt and then posted the 2 sentences above.
Kids need parenting and to be taught how to regulate their emotions, next day delivery of their demands isn't helping with either of those things.

@spoilt4advice lots of things to do at home. Make a den with old blankets and a clothes airer. Go to the library and read books. If you give in or buy him stuff just because he wants it you will be making your current problems so so much worse

Be the grown up and just say no

As pp have said you’re doing him no favours. Every sympathy though, it’s hard to say no but you have to.

Unfortunately if you give in to him when he whines and cries he'll keep doing it. It is obviously horrible when your child cries but you aren't helping by giving in to him. You say dad gives in a lot but it sounds like it's both of you.
Nursery will probably help with the sharing but I would start doing some simple turn taking games with him something like having chopped fruit and saying you take a piece now mummy takes a piece. Or a posting game where you take turns to post items in to a box or container.
With hitting and spitting you you need to be really firm. Saying no but also withdrawing attention for a few minutes. Then ask him if he'd like to say sorry/ give you a hug as he hurt you. He might say no and if he does then leave it, don't make him say sorry because a forced apology isn't a real apology. Regardless of if he says sorry or not just carry on with your day afterwards.
Hope some of this helps.

You are sleepwalking into real problems in the future. There are plenty of resources out there to support you and advise on how to tackle the situation you have created. I think you need to get him out into the fresh air plenty to use his energy in a more positive way.

My happy, healthy average wee lad has days like this too. Not every day but plenty of them. At this age they're learning through correction and modelling and he'll hopefully grow out of it. I try and remind myself it's age and stage appropriate so he can't control much of it and that helps me restrain myself from putting him in the bin.

Rod
Own
Back
You are raising an awful dc as is apparent already.

Well you actually aren't even parenting him as he rules the roost.

You aren’t making him happy though are you. You’re buying him things to keep him quiet and he’s only ‘happy’ until the next thing is desired.
He needs the security of boundaries and your not giving him that.
He screams and cries because he is too little to understand his emotions, it’s your job to help him learn not to just make him be quiet.
If you don’t teach him he’s likely going to struggle with friendships.
One of my youngest was friends with a very indulged child and over the years he’s lost a number of friends because he cannot handle not getting his own way. He had tried to make birthday parties and sleep overs all about him, his parents do nothing because they can’t see he does anything wrong. He’s left so many clubs and activities because he won’t behave or won’t join in when it’s not something he wants to do. It’s really quite sad. His parents are lovely people but awful parents.

Think of saying no as a kindness. With the behaviour you are encouraging, you will have a bullying, unpopular, uncontrollable child with no friends, who will not be invited to parties and playdates. That isn't kind.

He needs boundaries that are firm - that is what toddlerhood is - testing testing testing what the limits are so he can learn how to behave and how to be secure. Yes, he will seem to hate it in the short run. And yes, you will say no a million times a day for a while. But your spoiling him will do the opposite of making him a happy and functioning adult, which is actually what your job is - not a happy toddler. And you and DH need to be on the same page!

You have created a monster and if you don't get some support it will only get worse. Just imagine what he will be like as a teenager. Ask your HV about parenting classes.

Remove yourself as soon as hitting or spitting starts. Tell him you will not allow him to hurt or spit at you. You are keeping yourself safe and will return when he can behave safely and nicely. Repeat ad finatum. Since he has been doing this a while it will take a while to work but it will work.

If you think he will break things or cause a mess in retaliation then I actually think a empty secure play pen would be an idea.

It’s a phase. But it’s also a phase that will last longer/become behavioral if you don’t have some clear boundaries
Park - after a period of screaming I would think he would be overstimulated and I would leave.
Parcel - just a blanket ban on him opening. It’s Mummies or parcels are for grown ups is fine. It’s ok if he screams. You are the adult. He is a tiny child with low impulse control and overwhelming emotions. You are in charge not him. You know what’s best. He has no idea.
You do no order a toy - even if he moans about it for days. My son was a bit like this. So things he really talked about he got for Christmas or Birthday. Not the next day. Remember, he doesn’t need a Pram. He just wants one in that moment. He needs you to establish his boundaries and learn (v v slowly) impulse control and emotional control
Touching toys and tantrums is normal toddler behavior. As is the turning in toys again. I used to give warnings - in 5 mins x will go if, in 4 mins, 3 mins. And if he tantrums and turns it on you move it out of his reach and ignore the tantrum.
Spitting and hitting also unacceptable. You are stronger than him. Spitting you cover his mouth or move him away from you. Hitting similar - you are physically stronger than him. He is a baby. Say we use kind hands and say sorry- he won’t initially or won’t meant it. It doesn’t matter. Or a hug to say sorry.
I would suggest swimming as this really tires them out. Maybe he needs a morning and evening walk - little boys are a bit like puppies.
It will get better - it’s easier if you and DH are on the same page. Maybe write out a list of house rules eg 1. toddlers don’t open parcels, 2. no gifts outside Christmas and birthdays and maybe a trip to A&E or the dummy fairy/a new sibling 3. Spitting/hottinf = into play pen or firmly moved away and put on floor with a firm ‘no spitting’ we use our words -and anything else you both can agree and stick to
Also it’s ok to wear ear plugs for the screaming. Takes the edge off and as long as you can see him it won’t be dangerous.
Id go cold turkey on the buying things for him. He’s a toddler they don’t really do boredom. That comes later 🙂 Toddlers are just as happy with a wooden spoon from the kitchen as a play doh. You could make dens in the front room - costs nothing.

When he saw next door neighbours toddler boy with a pram he wanted one and wanted to take his.
I ordered him one next day delivery as that night all he moaned about was "my pram. I want pram"

Yes he’s spoilt!!

He saw a pram he wanted and you got it on next day delivery?!!
That’s absolutely ridiculous!

You are going to have a very difficult child if you keep spoiling him like this.

Absolutely this!!

Kids need rules and boundaries and can become very distressed without them.

He needs routine and to be taught right from wrong.

Not only are you making a rod for your own back but a child without boundaries is going to be very unhappy and feel very unloved.

It's ok to say no to our children. It's ok for them to be unhappy and to have big emotions. It feels very hard to deal with at the time, and we hate seeing them unhappy. But honestly the unhappiness will pass very quickly (unless there is something else at play) as they become used to the new expectations.

My kids are a bit older than your DC but we've been inside lately a fair bit in shopping malls to escape the heat and I've let them look round toy shops to pass the time, whereas we'd usually avoid them unless we were buying something to avoid fuss and tantrums. And it's been really interesting how quickly they've learnt to deal with 'no, we're not buying anything today, but you can have a look at the toys if you want to'.

So I think it is about deciding your red lines and setting expectations in advance, but 2 is still very young so don't worry about 'creating a monster' or anything like that 🙄. Just remember that you are in charge of your family life and your decisions won't always be popular and that's fine.