Baby's first birthday to ask for no boxed gifts?

[sarak20]

Is this reasonable or no. For some context: I have bought all the toys I would like my baby to play with and don't want others gifting toys that I have no space to store. Is it appropriate to ask for no boxed gifts? Thanks

I have never heard of it. I thought it meant don't buy something new, buy from a charity shop where the thing is not in its box! I would not have been popular

I haven't heard of it either. I would have guessed no toys (as they come in boxes) and therefore would have bought a book/set of books or clothes!

I’d give whatever gift you want, what kind of loon expects everyone to give £50 cash for a 1 year old?

Never heard of it, assume because I don’t know anyone so grabby.

a gift is really the generous choice of the giver. Personally I find a directive like that rather affronting

This. I think ok to say something like "we're short on space - your presence is the only present needed" but definitely nothing hinting at wanting cash.

She will spend the voucher on herself.

I would buy a book. Tbh I am ND and wouldn’t have understood the instruction anyway. I thought it literally meant you shouldn’t buy anything that came in a box.

So truthfully I probably would have bought a big teddy bear.

Get a few boxes of different sizes and put them one in the other. Baby will love them. I played very happily with the cardboard boxes that the groceries were delivered in, so Mum told me when I was older. Although of course, in the late 40s, we had far fewer toys than children have nowadays.

Don't buy personalised keepsakes. That’s just tat that gets bunged to the back of a drawer or cupboard and never looked at or used. I’d buy something and take it out of the box!

A few things are off about this. Why would your brother tell you that his wife expects £50 if he doesn’t agree with it? Why would he pass the information on at all? That doesn’t paint him in a particularly good light either.

I’d just give whatever I could afford and was intending to spend on the gift. Nobody gets to specify how much is spent on them or their children as a present.

But why don't you say, "Hang on, why are you expecting us to spend £50 when you only spend about £20?"

There is nothing wrong with asking for a voucher or money instead but setting a minimum amount is outrageous.

I would bring a boxed gift.

The mother is entitled, controlling , grabby and rude.
I would take a book.

In a situation like this I’d give a UICEF inspired gift, for example books for 10 children £20, they have other gifts too. That way other children benefit who don’t have much.

Has your brother explained what they intend to,do with all the money their child gets given?

World aid gifts are a nice idea, with a
message such as I know you are well loved and have a blessed life with everything you
you need. You have brought so much happiness to our family so for your first birthday we thought we could help you spread that happiness to others. Our children have been gifted these before. Also adopt an animal maybe?

Oh a friend of mine asked for people to bring something to add to a time capsule to open when her daughter was 18. It was such a great gift! Some people weren’t around any more, one person gave her a designer bag that would be worth more when she got it, bits of jewellery that weren’t available anymore, newspapers, magazines etc.

I wish I’d done that!

Wasn't it Maggie Thatcher who famously bought her DGS a toy drum kit - I bet she was the MIL from hell!

Well, it isn't "madness" if that's the standard in your social group or family.

She will spend the voucher on herself

You know her, do you?

I've never come across this for a baby's birthday, usually only for weddings - which makes sense (to some folks) as you might want to recoup some of the money spent on the wedding, and otherwise you would end up with ten toasters. Seems crass for a baby's birthday as you wouldn't be spending that much on the party and part of the charm is the personalised gifts/thought.

There are personalized books that are cute.

Also Jamie Oliver’s Little Food Library is lovely. Pancakes, pasta, cookies and pizza are in the series. My grandkids are both under two and they have loved them for about 6 months.

That’s exactly what it means.
So utterly crass, op.

I think there is nothing wrong if someone asks you what to get for your child to say oh we’re super limited on space so if you insist on giving something just wack a fiver in a card and it’ll go in their savings account but honestly we don’t expect anything at all. This way there is no expectation on how much people will give but it also politely explains you’re limited with space.

This may be controversial but I think giving a voucher instead of money if that’s what they have asked for is a bit annoying. They could have £100 worth of vouchers for all different places where they can’t get your niece anything of any significance but if everyone who gave those vouchers gave her cash that could go in savings/ buy an annual membership to a zoo that kind of thing.

While your brother is cheeky and rude demanding a certain amount, you implying you can’t trust your sister in law to not spend the money on herself is also incredibly rude and maybe the reason you have a strained relationship with her? If they normally spend £20 on your children just get a lovely 1st birthday card and put £20 in it and maybe a little cheap book so you’ve wrapped something physically. Don’t get her a useless voucher or tat.

I think it’s completely reasonable to ask for no boxed toys, especially if you already have everything you need. You could suggest alternatives like books, clothes, contribution towards an experience, or even just asking people to come and celebrate rather than bring a gift. I’d just keep the wording friendly so nobody feels pressured.

“No boxed gifts” is code for we want cash.
If she wants books or clothes or nothing at all she needs to phrase it differently.