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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Baby's first birthday to ask for no boxed gifts?

232 replies

sarak20 · Today 08:44

Is this reasonable or no. For some context: I have bought all the toys I would like my baby to play with and don't want others gifting toys that I have no space to store. Is it appropriate to ask for no boxed gifts? Thanks

OP posts:
thelegacyofdragons · Today 10:54

Or give £50 to a charity like Child Poverty
in the childs name?

Summerunlover · Today 10:55

We asked for clothes or a book.

Gertibear · Today 10:56

I would not give cash. I think she’s a bit cheeky. I wouldn’t understand that phrase either.

I would maybe buy a bath toy, book and an outfit. Personalised item would be nice instead ofcourse. I have a feeling she’s the type that no matter what u buy it won’t be right 🙄

PinotandPray · Today 10:57

Bacarditropicalfizz · Today 09:19

I would have hated a baby group voucher, that forces the parent to feel the need to attend one, she might be working full time. Some would think it’s too early for swimming lessons and want to start that in their own time at their place of choice.

That’s true - just some ideas for you OP that’s all 😊 I got one of those vouchers for somebody and they really appreciated it but not everyone does and I get that.

just give them money

thelegacyofdragons · Today 10:57

I hate personalised gifts. It’s just pointless clutter and you can’t even give it to charity.

caringcarer · Today 11:01

Just say no toys. No boxed gifts sounds odd. Decide what you do want and tell family that.

user1471538283 · Today 11:01

£50!

It was a long time ago but the only toy my DS had for his first birthday was a big bag of bricks from his DGF. Most he had sleep suits, vests and outfits which were brilliant! I'd hate anyone to feel they had to buy though, I certainly wouldn't tell them how much.

I'd put a voucher in a card and be done with it.

Dolphinnoises · Today 11:06

sarak20 · Today 09:35

@Itssomethingelsequite right...yes they spend £20 on each child at most. I think I'm just going to gift a voucher

Which means they spend £80ish on birthdays / Christmas in total for kids presents for your family? You might want to keep that in mind.

Don’t get me wrong, I think “no boxed gifts” is ludicrous, as is informing people what their budget should be. But there’s that to consider as well

Hundslappadrifa · Today 11:07

I’d buy a normal present for a one year old and de-box it into a bag, just for the hell of it 😀

MatronPomfrey · Today 11:07

I’ve never heard of no boxed gifts and find stipulating a minimum amount very rude. I’d gift books. Something all children need and do t take up much space. If she doesn’t want them she can donate them and some other child will benefit.

Jeska7 · Today 11:08

sarak20 · Today 08:54

Thanks for all your replies. This is what my sister in law has asked everyone to do. She has put on the invites "no boxed gifts". She is expecting everyone to give £50 and above. I have four kids it isn't exactly easy for me to dish out £100 to her. I would have much preferred to buy my own gifts. What would you do in this situation?

Has she specifically asked for £50? How greedy and entitled. I’m not sure what “boxed gifts” would be either. I could easily afford £50 but wouldn’t give this for a one year old niece’s birthday! We don’t go mad in our family though. So maybe that’s just me! Some people spend £30-£100 on each relative for Christmas. We don’t in my family (maybe parents and our partner and children) but not siblings and nieces / nephews etc. Then again we have quite big families…

Either don’t acknowledge the £50 or specifically say you it’s too much money given 4 DC. Probably best to specifically say it’s too much.

Buy a book or clothing.

Or if you don’t mind them seeing the amount, a voucher or put money into a savings account.

Loulou4022 · Today 11:10

Expecting a minimum of £50 cash!! How incredibly rude and entitled!! I can’t afford even spend that even on immediate family!! Nieces and nephews get £15!! I’d be inclined to get some books or if being really awkward a toy that isn’t boxed! Maybe a drum, trumpet or other very annoying toy!!
I get maybe they want to put the money to a larger item maybe a new bed or furniture for the child which is fine but to give an expectation of amount is downright rude!!

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · Today 11:11

Just say ‘no presents’ if you don’t want any.

However books are a nice idea, or people could donate cash for your baby’s savings account - assuming they’ve got one. It’s never too early….

Acommonreader · Today 11:11

sarak20 · Today 08:54

Thanks for all your replies. This is what my sister in law has asked everyone to do. She has put on the invites "no boxed gifts". She is expecting everyone to give £50 and above. I have four kids it isn't exactly easy for me to dish out £100 to her. I would have much preferred to buy my own gifts. What would you do in this situation?

What about a voucher for soft play ( not everyones taste I know) or a petting farm / zoo / aquarium . Something your niece will enjoy, maybe you could all go as a family day out for her birthday?

Youhadrambledonfor18pages · Today 11:14

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · Today 11:11

Just say ‘no presents’ if you don’t want any.

However books are a nice idea, or people could donate cash for your baby’s savings account - assuming they’ve got one. It’s never too early….

But they do want presents! Just happens that the only presents they want come in the form of cash.

Jeska7 · Today 11:15

Heronwatcher · Today 09:28

Ok so why not call your brother out on this? “DB what are you on about, I’ve never spent £50 on a present nor have you. We’ve all got bills to pay and you/SIL only have one child. It’s a birthday not a pyramid scheme. Get over yourself.”

Your SIL might not even know.

What do the rest of the family think?

This is a great response! 😂

MrsElijahMikaelson1 · Today 11:16

Spend only what you can afford, and certainly not more than they spend on yours. That’s just rude. If you are worried about them spending it on themselves then get a voucher for a child’s shop. Personally i would get a lovely book and put £10 voucher.

Cherrysoup · Today 11:20

sarak20 · Today 09:35

@Itssomethingelsequite right...yes they spend £20 on each child at most. I think I'm just going to gift a voucher

That’s a fine amount. I do £10 gift cards for birthdays/Christmas for each cousin-7 of them, so reasonable, I think.

Farr85 · Today 11:23

SIL sounds like an arsehole. Id buy an outfit and some books

Sereine · Today 11:27

Ignore your SIL. She may think she has got everything the kid needs up to aged 1, but that doesn't stop you thinking ahead to toys suitable for 18 month old. Or get books or clothes.

hahabahbag · Today 11:32

Buy a lovely book, something a bit older that can be kept

BeUmberMember · Today 11:34

I would just bring a birthday card with a £10 note or a Boots voucher in it, if that's what you can afford. Otherwise just bring a card. I find it incredible how young people feel so entitled these days and friends and families are EXPECTED to follow DIRECTIONS instead of being given free choice to enjoy shopping for little presents.

Sparkletastic · Today 11:34

Match what they did for yours then there can be no come back without casting shade on their own choices.

Rpop · Today 11:38

sarak20 · Today 08:44

Is this reasonable or no. For some context: I have bought all the toys I would like my baby to play with and don't want others gifting toys that I have no space to store. Is it appropriate to ask for no boxed gifts? Thanks

I’ve never heard this phrase. I’d buy what I was going to buy and take it out of the box. I’d assume she doesn’t want to deal with all of the recycling 😂

Also I dislike it when people stipulate gift eligibility criteria. The only exception is wedding presents.

MeridianB · Today 11:40

Break the cycle. Buy a nice book. Your SIL clearly has no shame and your brother shouldn’t be enabling her grabby behaviour.