AIBU for feeling devastated about my graduate daughter's pregnancy?

[Postmanpatri]

Hi, my DD is 21, she will be 22 in January. She has just graduated from university, and got married last month. I’ll be honest I wasn’t thrilled about her getting married at 21, she’d been with her boyfriend since secondary school.
However today she has announced she is pregnant. She told me it wasn’t planned, but they are keeping the baby. She still lives at home with me but has committed to finding somewhere else to live, I’ve told her there is no hurry.
Im going to be honest I’m devastated, she was the first person in our family to go to university, she got straight As in her highers and advanced highers, she is due to start teacher training, but has said she might not start as she is due in February.
I am so worried she is throwing her life away, her husband is a lovely boy but he is only 22, he’s a joiner so he puts in a lot of hard work but it’s not high earning.

AIBU to feel like this? What do I do?

Oh interesting - so AN aspiration, not THE aspiration?

You seem to be agreeing that's one of many things one might wish for?

Anyone who limits their dreams is certainly making their life many many times smaller than it needs to be. Do those people make good parents? I'm not sure.....you don't seem either, acknowledging as you do that it's simply one thing amongst many to aim for.....

I see where you’re coming from OP. She’s young with lots of life to live but honestly she’s in a great position to be a mum plus you’ll have a grandchild whilst you’re young. Best wishes

I understand OP and I’d feel the same. She is limiting her life at a very young age and doesn’t have the life experience to see that. However, there is nothing you can do now but be supportive.

As always on here you’ll get loads of people telling you it’s completely fine and that they or someone they know had kids young and are now high fliers. Meanwhile in the real world…

I don’t agree with your assertion that aspiring to be a mother is a small life and I sure as fuck don’t think doing so makes them a bad parent. I think maybe you’re a little bit chippy from your own background from what you’ve said, different people can want different things, and that’s ok.

Not wanting a high flying career doesn’t make that person or their life small. I personally admire people who know what they want from life and make that their reality, rather than doing what they think others think they should do.

Meh I’m one of them real pieces of shit who had their first kid at 16, never even started uni let alone finished it. Ops kid will be fine not everyone wants to spend 22-27 posting a yearly photo of a margarita on the beach to instagram before having kids at the acceptable age of 28.
Not everyone likes partying i might get accused of “coping with my sad life” here but I for one hate the feeling of being drunk

I am so ridiculously jealous of you. You are about to get a grandchild, whilst you are young. Your daughter is in a stable relationship, has got her degree under her belt . Her husband has an ai proof career and seems like a good partner/ childhood sweetheart.)
The timing is not perfect for her (career wise) but she has made her choice and obviously wants this.
My daughter has informed me she is never having children. I believe her. It’s her choice, but I would dearly love Grandchildren at some point.

It will be wonderful. Try to be happy for her. Children are wonderful

I was in a similar role to
your daughter. Never had kids kept putting it off, dated arseholes and so no kids, no marriage.
My sister did it the other way round. Met someone at 18, married at 21, baby at 22, next time at 24. Then she rebooted her career, studied, her job actually benefitted from her mum experiences.
Her kids are 32 and 30 now and are fabulous. She’s still really happily married and her and DH have a lovely life. Lots of freedom, both sets of parents got to enjoy being quite young grandparents, too. She’s done really well in her career.
I have a few friends who had kids at 40 and over. They were all delighted to do so but now we are getting close to 60, I can see how tough it is. Looking after elderly parents, demanding teens, feeling on the back foot at work. Every one has said to me… love my kids, but wish I had given birth in my early 20’s.
Teaching is a career she can access as soon as she’s ready. She sounds very bright.
My late mum wanted us both to have careers and not have our children in our 20’s. I felt some pressure there. I had a conversation with my mum when she was really ill and she deeply regretted saying it, as I took it to heart.
Your daughter still has her degree and when she’s ready, she will go again.
You are going to love being a grandma.
Try not to worry. As long as everyone is happy and healthy, the future will be a bright one.

AHH so it's pure resentment and jealousy then.