AIBU for feeling devastated about my graduate daughter's pregnancy?

[Postmanpatri]

Hi, my DD is 21, she will be 22 in January. She has just graduated from university, and got married last month. I’ll be honest I wasn’t thrilled about her getting married at 21, she’d been with her boyfriend since secondary school.
However today she has announced she is pregnant. She told me it wasn’t planned, but they are keeping the baby. She still lives at home with me but has committed to finding somewhere else to live, I’ve told her there is no hurry.
Im going to be honest I’m devastated, she was the first person in our family to go to university, she got straight As in her highers and advanced highers, she is due to start teacher training, but has said she might not start as she is due in February.
I am so worried she is throwing her life away, her husband is a lovely boy but he is only 22, he’s a joiner so he puts in a lot of hard work but it’s not high earning.

AIBU to feel like this? What do I do?

Agree!

@SunnyLilacFawn What does her husband do?
A teacher wage, especially a part-time one, is unlikely to cover the bills should one find themselves alone/a single parent.
Ask me how I know.

It’ll all be okay OP, it generally is!
My friends very bright son has just finished an architecture degree, but didn’t enjoy it or want it as a career so is now looking for a carpentry apprenticeship…
One of my oldest friends got pregnant at 23 and had an abortion which at the time seemed a sensible choice. However when they got married a few years later and started trying to conceive nothing happened and they ended up with many rounds of IVF and eventually donor eggs and sperm to have their DC in their late 30’s. Sometime these things happen for the best and although it might not be what you’ve had planned, it’ll all work out okay. You’ll be a young glamorous granny, thats got to be a plus!

A £55K salary after only five years, in Scotland where you can buy a house for £100K, is a really good salary and will certainly cover the bills. You need to look at this in the Scottish context.

I get why you’d feel a bit disappointed that this will impact her career as she won’t earn as much as quickly as if she’d waited another few years. However ‘to feel devastated’ is OTT. If you really are devastated I think you’ve lost sight of the many positives in her life.

@Redintoothandclaw
Yes I appreciate I'm in England but now tutor and earn far less than I would had I stayed in the profession (22 years service). I don't get any pay over any of the long school holidays or sick pay if I am off ill. Rubbish pension now too.
I wouldn't go back to teaching if someone paid me £55 million! Money means nothing if burnout is imminent and you can't put a price on being a present partner and parent.
But yes, I do hope teaching is better in Scotland.

Well she has time to work hard later. For now enjoy knowing you’ll have a grandchild around for many many years. My in laws will be 75 before they even meet a grandchild. You might see yours go to prom, university etc.

And she will likely have energy and plenty of youth to entertain her little family. She has the degree in the bag. So starting now or starting in a few years makes little difference. Many do their degree in their 30s and still thrive.

As I've said, there's a terrible problem with pupil behaviour, including a lot of violence against other pupils and teachers. Schools are not allowed to exclude pupils or to give after school detentions. So in that sense it's worse than in England, where you're actually allowed to discipline and even exclude pupils. I think it is more relaxed in terms of pressure to perform / get children through exams. Scottish schools are far from being academic hothouses.

Glad you’re feeling a bit better OP. It will work out, your DD will return to training when she’s ready (and do great thanks to the headstart and help you gave her) and could be lovely having a lot of extra time with DGC. If she waited a decade or two this is maybe time you wouldn’t have. Try and enjoy it and make sure they know they don’t need to move out so quick if you like having them there. She’s married and about to become a Mum, it could be a big positive. You sound really supportive and a great Mum, so bet you’ll enjoy the promotion to Grandma.

You accept her decisions, appreciate that she is in a secure and happy marriage and look forward to meeting your grandchild plus offer her as much support as you can. Her teacher training can wait. Your daughter has years ahead of her to organise her career.

I’m 36 with 2 kids under 5, and back to square one due to the cost of living and everything else. Let her be. It’s not the end of the world and could actually be amazing for her. She’s got youth on her side to help her. Something I’m struggling with. It’s right for her let her live her life.

I had my child whilst I was at university (so younger) and am now earning well into six figures and am c-suite. It’s tough but it can be more than okay x