Refuse holiday for youngest as eldest half-sister excluded even though has impact on childcare

[MarieBaronelovechild]

My parents in law told my husband that they were taking all the kids for a week’s holiday last week of August. This would be amazing, the kids would see their cousins and we would not have to juggle time off and save money on the music camps when we haven’t been able to take time off.

Last Tuesday BiL met husband, it turns out all the kids doesn’t include my daughter from my previous marriage.

BiL says that MiL is prepared to take her as she doesn’t want to upset us but BiL asked if we can have a bit of a rethink next year as MiL and his kids and presumably SiL’s kids, don’t get to see youngest without eldest so disrupting relationships. .

DH still wants to send her with them as MiL is prepared to take her. I don’t and don’t want my youngest going either.

This is Mumsnet, eldest has a father, sees him and he pays for her, more than he has to but can’t take time off in the summer.

My AIBU

Upset with in-laws’ attitude
Not prepared to send eldest on holiday with them.

Exactly! If my SIL is hosting a family event, I would be invited with my DH. If she was having a “sisters’ day” with her actual sisters, then I wouldn’t be invited. Because I am not her sister.

it sounds like the same happens here - OP’s older DD is asked to join some wider family events; she goes along with DH and OP, because she is the child of the wife of their son and lives with him. And, by all accounts, they are kind and polite to her. But that doesn’t mean she would be invited to an occasion or a holiday where the grandchildren were going themselves, because she isn’t their grandchild. Given the older DD goes on holiday with her dad and her aunt on her dad’s side, it can’t be a leap to get that the two girls have different relationships and relatives. There’ll be Lucy’s aunt and Sarah’s aunt. Lucy’s Grandpa and Sarah’s Gran. Doesn’t have to be a bigger deal than that unless it is made so.