AIBU? Weird behaviour from a man towards me.

[mumlearningtorun]

Hey.

just for context, I’m 29 and my friends husband who I’m talking about is 39. My friend is 35 and my husband is 33. Just for context, it’s not really about age- but it might show some maturity / immaturity later on.

we used to all get on as a group, did lots together with our kids, even went on holiday - but since I got a promotion at work and gone full time again after my 2 children, my friends husband has really had a problem with me.

He’s turned really rude, and just not enjoyable to be around, actually very insufferable.

I am really bothered by a few things that I’m reading on Instagram, he seems to be digging at me indirectly & has even put something quite mocking up.

for example;

1. when I got oasis tickets via the ballot… he put a Instagram story up saying ‘it’s clear to see the answer to the question of ‘how many times have you seen oasis before via the ballot was 0!!!!👍🏼👍🏼👍🏼👍🏼’
2. I have started running, for my health - mainly mental health, and I’m running the marathon for my little boys charity ( he was born prem with a few complications ) - I put one progress picture online, proud of me.. and then he went out of his way, to clearly download a TikTok to add to this Instagram story, mocking runners…
3. the recent solar eclipse, I put a few pictures of my kids smiling with their eclipse sunglasses before it even started & the sunset after it happened online for family to see, and then we watched the whole thing via the glasses- not that I need to justify myself but half of my family are in Australia and it’s the easiest way to see eachother sometimes it was fallowed by another Instagram story, saying ‘why are people taking pictures and not watching the eclipse themselves?’

i just feel absolutely fed up with it, it’s like a knee jerk to everything I put up- he obviously has a bug bare and it’s clear he thinks women are beneath men. I can’t believe my friend married him. I don’t know if I am being unreasonable… but wtf, I’m more bothered why my little ( quite plain and normal )life is bothering him so much.

i feel like I can’t say anything because of my friend, but I really need want too. My husband is saying to delete him from seeing my stuff- but I just don’t want to let this get in the way of mine and my friends friendship.

my husband did say ‘is she even a friend if she’s seeing her husband doing this and not asking who it’s about and why?’ - but again, I think he’d mute her anyway!!!

ugh! Advice? Haha x

just block him everywhere. Ask a mutual if he is still doing it (because his wife is telling him what you're posting) and then block her too.

No explanation, no excuses, just block them. And if she asks why you blocked him? tell her why.

Just block him.
I wouldn't put up with shit like this.
Blocked. Problem solved.

I'd be having soooo much fun with this OP.

I'd be finding all sorts on Insta and Tik Tok to repost about twatty men who feel insecure about themselves around women. Some great quotes around ...

• CEO of making insecure men uncomfortable since birth
• If my ambition intimidates you, feel free to close your eyes

He is a twat and is intimidated by you and your success. Bless him 😅

Quite honestly, nobody else knows what someone else's marriage is like. And people can change from what they were like before the marriage. Actually, he's at a prime age for a midlife crisis, and may be feeling his career hasn't progressed as he had hoped and it's all because somebody else horned in, i.e., women. There's also a lot of social media spreading misogynistic (and racist) garbage these days.

Block the dude. Don't let him live rent free in your head. But please don't block his wife. He may be making her life far more difficult than he's been making yours, and my instinct tells me that she either really needs your friendship now or will before long.

I find with people who irritate me on SM, the best option is to mute them. He'll never know whether you have seen his post or not. And put all your settings to not allowing him to comment on your SM or just take a break from doing SM posts for a few months. I probably wouldn't go on holiday with them again but dilute him by inviting other people when they come around or seeing your friend when it's just you and her.

Just block him from seeing your stories..if you hear anything about it you know he has problem. If you don't, you get your peace anyway.

Creepy! He’s obsessed with you. Defo block. Then he starts to sound v weird when he objects to that

Get off SM and avoid him completely.
No more socialising with them at all.
He is living rent free in your head so mute him, hide him, whatever you can do to completely avoid him.

He sounds like he has a crush on you. He is obviously closely following your socials and thinking about you alot. Men who don't like women just ignore them they don't do this. Seen Love, Actually? My husband's best friend did the same shit to me, used to film me all the time as well. He then tried holding my hand and kissing me one night. I never told my husband on the advice of my mother, but I never associated with him again. I've had this weird shit several times now. Sometimes men really suck.

Yeah he's obsessed with you. Mute or restrict him, he won't know. He will be too embarrassed to say anything and if he does it just makes him look like a fool with a crush. Forget about him, these guys get off on getting a reaction. I would just stop hanging out with them, per your hubby's advice.

Definitely block him on social media and avoid him IRL. He's fixated on you.

Block him on everything.
Only see your friend alone without him
Don’t agree to any meet ups involving him.

Why haven't you blocjed him yet?

That is the obvious solution.

I don't do TikTok or Instagram so maybe you should live less of your life online. TBH I thought only teenagers used TikTok.

I'd remove him from my social platforms, or at the very least block him and my friend from watching my content. As far as they're concerned, you're not posting anymore. It's not you who's letting him get in between your friend, it's him. You're just responding to his rude behaviour.

I'd also pull the guy up on his behaviour if he makes comments in person, or if either one of them asks why I don't post on social media. I'd just be honest and tell them, "look, I didn't want to say anything, but I've noticed Jim has been posting quite rude comments to my content, and I didn't like it. So I've restricted access on my platforms so I don't have to deal with his comments. I didn't want to do this, but I just had enough of his negativity".

You don't have a syndrome. What you have is a bloke being a dick to you in a way that looks, to the casual observer, like you're overreacting if you don't smile along and let it pass.

Don’t block him but hide him, so you can’t see what he’s posting. He looks pathetic and you are none the wiser.

seriously what a loser!

He has plausible deniability because all of those things are extremely common things to post about, so if you are sure he is digging at you there's nothing to do but block him so he can't see your posts and don't see those friends again.

You need to bite the bullet and delete him.

If he says anything to your friend, tell her you limited your profile to those you interact with most often and you’re not sure why it’s an issue for him.

You can block yourself from seeing his stories - mute them and in that way you won't give him the satisfaction of him seeing you have viewed his stories - that is what is fuelling him. Post whatever you like and he will soon get bored when you aren't viewing them. He will just appear unhinged and you won't frustrate yourself by seeing them.

Try talking to your friend first. If you just block her husband, there’s a good chance one of them will ask you about it anyway.

I’d keep it focused on how his behaviour is making you feel rather than saying “he’s doing this” or “he’s behaving like that”. Saying “I feel uncomfortable when…” is much less likely to make her immediately defensive of him.

Immature, spiteful jealousy which is unusual in a man (in my experience, before I get flamed)

Jealousy is no less prevalent in men than any other emotion is, and they will often use petty, passive aggression where physical aggression is not an option. Perhaps you need to be a bit more observant.

Post some very niche and weird things and see how far he will go to copy you.
he does sound awful.

Ok

what keeps coming to me, as I read further posts in this thread is that one thing abusive (physically or psychologically) do is cut their victims off from their support systems, and it feels like this is part of what he’s attempting to do. He’s also telegraphing to his wife what he now finds unacceptable. If he were here in the States, I’d strongly suspect he’s been exposed to the manosphere, and soaking up their misogynistic views about women.

He obviously believes his wife needs your support in her life.