AIBU? Weird behaviour from a man towards me.

[mumlearningtorun]

Hey.

just for context, I’m 29 and my friends husband who I’m talking about is 39. My friend is 35 and my husband is 33. Just for context, it’s not really about age- but it might show some maturity / immaturity later on.

we used to all get on as a group, did lots together with our kids, even went on holiday - but since I got a promotion at work and gone full time again after my 2 children, my friends husband has really had a problem with me.

He’s turned really rude, and just not enjoyable to be around, actually very insufferable.

I am really bothered by a few things that I’m reading on Instagram, he seems to be digging at me indirectly & has even put something quite mocking up.

for example;

1. when I got oasis tickets via the ballot… he put a Instagram story up saying ‘it’s clear to see the answer to the question of ‘how many times have you seen oasis before via the ballot was 0!!!!👍🏼👍🏼👍🏼👍🏼’
2. I have started running, for my health - mainly mental health, and I’m running the marathon for my little boys charity ( he was born prem with a few complications ) - I put one progress picture online, proud of me.. and then he went out of his way, to clearly download a TikTok to add to this Instagram story, mocking runners…
3. the recent solar eclipse, I put a few pictures of my kids smiling with their eclipse sunglasses before it even started & the sunset after it happened online for family to see, and then we watched the whole thing via the glasses- not that I need to justify myself but half of my family are in Australia and it’s the easiest way to see eachother sometimes it was fallowed by another Instagram story, saying ‘why are people taking pictures and not watching the eclipse themselves?’

i just feel absolutely fed up with it, it’s like a knee jerk to everything I put up- he obviously has a bug bare and it’s clear he thinks women are beneath men. I can’t believe my friend married him. I don’t know if I am being unreasonable… but wtf, I’m more bothered why my little ( quite plain and normal )life is bothering him so much.

i feel like I can’t say anything because of my friend, but I really need want too. My husband is saying to delete him from seeing my stuff- but I just don’t want to let this get in the way of mine and my friends friendship.

my husband did say ‘is she even a friend if she’s seeing her husband doing this and not asking who it’s about and why?’ - but again, I think he’d mute her anyway!!!

ugh! Advice? Haha x

Man acting weird on the Internet. It's hard to believe.

You're nice.

He'll know that you're looking at his if you keep clicking.

I don't think there's enough evidence that his stories are specifically about you, far less that he has a wider issue with womankind.

I agree with PP, Just block him. If he continues posting stories of this nature, it probably won't have been about you specifically.

He does sounds likes he's got a problem with you, but you're unlikely to ever find out why. Maybe your happiness irritates him if he, himself is pretty miserable. Who knows.

You can't control his behaviour, you can only control your own responses to it, and to dwell on this and keep discussing it with your husband and other friends only brings negativity to your life. Which doesn't really enrich your life, does it? If anything, it's probably what he wants.

Carry on enjoying your life and posting how you wish. Stop checking his social media and whether he's viewed your story. Maybe by muting him? Then just carry on living your life.

You might live rent free in his mind, but don't allow him to do the same in yours.

He’s probs doing a Wagatha and has OP down as the weirdo consistent being the first to view all his content. Probs same convo going on in her mates house.

Block him and just ignore. I had a man in his mid-fifties that I worked with when I was early thirties. He didn’t like me (for unknown reasons) and had it in for me. Constant digs, bitchy/snide comments/making things up about me. It’s like he was obsessed. Ignoring them and continuing to thrive is the best method! Some men are very threatened by successful and confident women.

Well, if you don't block him off all of your social media platforms, it's because you are enjoying the attention, even though it's negative.

It's easy to fix the problem by blocking and moving on.

It's a lousy and silly excuse to use, "but I love my friend....". That's your friend's husband. She isn't going to melt into a puddle of moosh because you've blocked her AHDH. She'll live.

it’s clear he thinks women are beneath men

I don't see it like that. I read it more that he just finds you irritating. It's just life to find people annoying. Some people really irritate me, like the admin of our Facebook neighbourhood account. But that's my problem, not hers. Similarly, there must be people out there who find me irritating.

I'm not on instagram, but surely all of this could be solved by just not seeing his account?

I think they are generic comments, but you clearly consider yourself at the centre of everything. After the first comment, if you really thought it was about you, why didn't you hide your story from him? So simple, so obvious. I'm guessing you're enjoying the attention/drama.

In the ‘old days’ i.e. before social media, people would tell each other what they’d been up to recently in person or on the phone. If I'd talked to someone on three different occasions about three separate events, and he reacted the way this man did when he responded to your stories online, of course I'd take it personally. But at least I'd be able to challenge him right away.

Because you’re experiencing this behaviour on a platform where your comments and his responses are viewed by many, many more people than just the two of you, it’s much harder to tell whether it’s a personal jab or he just likes a good moan in general.

Several PP have suggested you write something fake and see what he does with it, which I initially thought was a good idea. But if it ever comes out you tried to trick him, it could damage your relationship with your friend. 1) she’s going to take his side whatever, and 2) she might think you’re obsessed with him.

Just block him and move on. The internet brings out weirdness in people.

He sounds obsessed with you. Definitely block, I don't understand why you haven't already!

She sounds obsessed with him. Checking if he's seen her stories etc. She's loving the attention, otherwise she would have blocked him from seeing her stories long ago.

Agree with others, he is living rent free in your mind because you let him. Also as others say it may not be all about you each time, but you are making links which may be a stretch. Mute him so you don't get alerts when he posts and keep an eye on your friend. I find men who are abusive alienate good friends by driving wedges to get total control of their partner, so you may want to check in with her without being too negative about him, so she sees you as a safe space.

His behaviour sounds really childish and petty. The fact that he's doing it in such a visible, overt way i would actually find concerning. It's not a subtle dig or a backhanded comments that could be taken either way, it's really clumsy jibes that he wants others to see. You're not supposed to be teenagers making questionable decisions anymore, you're all grown adults. He clearly is not, he's spitefull and childish and he has a problem (inferiority?).

I think the fact that you have recently got a promotion and you're doing pretty well in life, happy, etc., really grates on him. It can only be jealousy/misogyny, he feels like he needs ti belittle you. Mute/block is the obvious first step. Watch him like a hawk, stand up for yourself if you have to, call him out if he continues, but also make sure your husband has your back. I can't think that a guy like him is a good husband to your friend. If she sees you standing up to him you'll be doing her a favour. If you ever suspect he's trying to push you away from your friend, that is the ultimate red flag, he could be a controller (they are usually driven by insecurty and spitefullness).

You’ve had amazing advice on here op. What are you going to do as you have to do something? If it’s getting to you then you have to take decisive action.

This is really easy. Just restrict what he can see. No drama

My daughter is currently having issues like this on social media. The difference is, she is 14! You should congratulate your friend's DH for having the emotional maturity of a 14 year old.

Ignore the rude cockwomble, and block him as much as you can on everything. He's angry and bitter about something and attempting to use you as a scapegoat. I bet he's done it to others as well or at least tried.
It might upset your friend, but life is too short to deal with this level of toxicity in your life. And telling him to feck off might do wonders in him actually doing so. And talk about it to your DH, as I'm sure any decent bloke will back you 100%.

It sounds like he might think you're bragging and it gets his back up/he's jealous. Ie - maybe he really wanted oasis tickets and you posted about getting them in the presale ballot. Was your strava post a screenshot of a really good run time? And this will probably sound crazy but wasn't it a bit of a thing to even have eclipse glasses - like, most people were hobbling together a cereal box/trying to fathom how the colander thing worked?! 😂 If he's an insecure/unhappy person, this stuff might bother him. My immediate thought though was that this sort of stuff usually really eminates from the friend, not the husband... is there any chance she could be jealous and is b*tching to him and he's kind of on the defensive on her behalf? What's the context of your friendship?

If the friend notices the block and mentions it the OP should point out how snide the husband was being.
Don't act baffled because she will expect OP to re-follow.

This is not what ‘gaslighting’ means.

Those posters ‘ interpretation of OP’s post simply happens to be different from yours. That’s all.

Why mess around playing silly games like this?

The solution is simple and low risk. We can all control who sees our social media content. So control it. Restrict him from viewing it.

If OP is mistaken and it’s all merely coincidence - which the possibilities allow for - then he likely won’t even notice. No harm done.

If he does notice, which if not conclusive would add some credence to OP’s belief, then challenging her would only draw attention to it. In which case you simply say you’ve decided to restrict your viewers. He doesn’t need an explanation.

Not everything has to be turned into some overcomplicated issue.

Making a woman feel crazy for knowing a man is indirectly mocking her on social media is gaslighting.

Yeah, i agree. And i think OPs examples are pretty clear they are not a series of coincidences, even her friends have queried it, she should trust her gut on this. Block the guy and don't take any shit from him going forward. Normally i'd say ignore and avoid, but i'd be watching him like a hawk if i valued my friendship.