AIBU? Weird behaviour from a man towards me.

[mumlearningtorun]

Hey.

just for context, I’m 29 and my friends husband who I’m talking about is 39. My friend is 35 and my husband is 33. Just for context, it’s not really about age- but it might show some maturity / immaturity later on.

we used to all get on as a group, did lots together with our kids, even went on holiday - but since I got a promotion at work and gone full time again after my 2 children, my friends husband has really had a problem with me.

He’s turned really rude, and just not enjoyable to be around, actually very insufferable.

I am really bothered by a few things that I’m reading on Instagram, he seems to be digging at me indirectly & has even put something quite mocking up.

for example;

1. when I got oasis tickets via the ballot… he put a Instagram story up saying ‘it’s clear to see the answer to the question of ‘how many times have you seen oasis before via the ballot was 0!!!!👍🏼👍🏼👍🏼👍🏼’
2. I have started running, for my health - mainly mental health, and I’m running the marathon for my little boys charity ( he was born prem with a few complications ) - I put one progress picture online, proud of me.. and then he went out of his way, to clearly download a TikTok to add to this Instagram story, mocking runners…
3. the recent solar eclipse, I put a few pictures of my kids smiling with their eclipse sunglasses before it even started & the sunset after it happened online for family to see, and then we watched the whole thing via the glasses- not that I need to justify myself but half of my family are in Australia and it’s the easiest way to see eachother sometimes it was fallowed by another Instagram story, saying ‘why are people taking pictures and not watching the eclipse themselves?’

i just feel absolutely fed up with it, it’s like a knee jerk to everything I put up- he obviously has a bug bare and it’s clear he thinks women are beneath men. I can’t believe my friend married him. I don’t know if I am being unreasonable… but wtf, I’m more bothered why my little ( quite plain and normal )life is bothering him so much.

i feel like I can’t say anything because of my friend, but I really need want too. My husband is saying to delete him from seeing my stuff- but I just don’t want to let this get in the way of mine and my friends friendship.

my husband did say ‘is she even a friend if she’s seeing her husband doing this and not asking who it’s about and why?’ - but again, I think he’d mute her anyway!!!

ugh! Advice? Haha x

There's a very easy fix to this.

He’s a weirdo! Just block him

Agree. Block, block, block. He’s a twat.
If friend mentions it, just say he’s been acting a bit odd recently

i feel like I can’t say anything because of my friend, but I really need want too. My husband is saying to delete him from seeing my stuff- but I just don’t want to let this get in the way of mine and my friends friendship

Youre choosing not to say anything. Come on , if you want and need to say something, you say it. Its your life! Stop being so passive but complaining about it.

You either address it by saying something, or you accept it and dont let it bother you.

This is my point, his story came 10 minutes after viewing mine that said ‘can’t believe we got presale tickets via the ballot’ and due to my age, he knows I’d never have seen them before, it’s too much of a coincidence, to not be about me.

The comments he’s made are so generic - it’s quite unbelievable that loads of your friends would identify and point out that they’re about you. Unless they know he hates you and they’re all trying to point it out or something.

But EVERYONE that entered the ballot found out on the same day and posted. Not just you.

How does he behave towards you in person? Because it's even weirder if he is nice, normal and friendly in person, but horrible to you on-line. Is he like this to anyone else? If you can be bothered it may be worth a look to see if he is generally posting negative things about everyone he knows - might indicate he is depressed/unhappy with his life (not an excuse!).

If it's just aimed at you I would assume he fancies you but has done that weird, scary thing where he has channelled the lust into rage and spite....

Check on your friend. Can't be great, living with a bloke like that. And if you are surprised she hasn't said anything to him, if that's out of character for her, then there is even more reason for concern.......

Its really odd and given other friends have noticed his wife surely has too?

I'm not convinced it is about you. If it is, it's very, very weird and in that case block/delete.

My husband is saying to delete him from seeing my stuff- but I just don’t want to let this get in the way of mine and my friends friendship.

This sort of excuse just makes me roll my eyes and assume the person just enjoys the drama and feeling 'hard done by'.

It's no different to "But whyyyyy shouldddd I???

Just block and if your friend gets involved tell her why.

And yes, the sensible thing is to block him. But I'd personally want to see how far he would take it.

(As long as you feel safe - obviously don't put yourself at any risk).

Do you have any less generic examples? Eg has he ever posted about something obscure you posted. Every single person I know was posting pics of them or their kids watching the eclipse!

And ditto the marathon/Oasis were all over social media. I don't think he's not mocking you, but he genuinely could not be! Is there a more specific example/social media post where he's mocked you??

Just block and give him no more head space 🤷🏼‍♀️

But if you haven't seen them before because you were too young first time round, what's the shame in that? If he's trying to insult you it's pretty pathetic really. If it is about you.

But yeah, just block him as he's clearly pissing you off.

So the marathon thing, I didn’t explain very well… I haven’t run the marathon yet and I hadn’t known I was running the marathon, but I started the couch to 5k randomly in June… 2 days after I started running I posted a Strava photo and then 1 hour later, a mocking TikTok has been added to his story, about runners and how no one cares how quickly you run a 5k via a Strava upload. It wasn’t at the time of the marathon, it was a random Friday in June…. Funny timing

Change your social media settings so that everyone can see your posts except him. You can do that on both Facebook and Instagram, not sure about TikTok.

I agree with everyone else to simply block him from seeing your stuff and stop looking at his posts.

You are not ever going to find out the ‘why’ because he will never be honest or self aware enough to tell you.

However, based on the timing it could have the following behind it:

He is having money troubles and he would really like his wife to go back to work. However, he has no way to communicate his fear around money and so instead you have become the object of his negativity. (If I can’t have peace neither can you) Sounds a bit twisted logic but people do this all the time.

Or, he really does have a misogynistic hatred for women working (maybe his mum left him to go to work and he associates with abandonment) so his inner child is running the show and he is lashing out you in the way he can.

Nothing of why he is doing this is to do with you. It is to do with something that you represent to him.

YEAH!!!! THIS... Wagatha Christie him. That would prove that he was aiming it at you.
And then I agree with your Husband Block HIM. ASAP, Do not engage. Your DH won't care.

You've said he's insufferable to be around . Tell your friend. you find him difficult and you'd rather see her on her own... or if you don't want to do that, just meet her alone for coffee or something but never with him. As pps have said if blocking is mentioned say "Oh.. glitches... Ill look into it" He's hardly going to ask you to reconnect is he?

I do think that his instag post habit does sound like there's a connection and your friends do too

I think he's actually desperate to catch your attention, for you to pick up on his posts and reply so that he can continue baiting you, or because he wants to engage with you in some kind of debate of wits, to prove he's funnier or better.

He sounds like the resentful, jealous type and your new promotion has changed your status in his eyes.

Maybe he's got a bit of a crush on you, and is reacting this way for attention to show how superior he is or its the desire to puncture your bubble, dent your confidence (which it has if this thread is anything to go by) and take you down a peg.

In fact, its negging isn't it?

He's being creepy and wierd and you have nothing to lose by telling him to piss off but if you want to be a bit more clever about it do the fade away. You don't need idiots like him in your life.

And your DH is right. Why isn't your friend doing more to stop him. Maybe she's seeing him in a new light too.
Good luck..
ps Love Oasis!

I would troll the living daylights out of him. As pp suggested, full Wagatha. Set stories so only he sees them and see what he does. Please report back!
He’s put out by your promotion and trying to make you feel inferior. Check on your friend. What a dick!