AIBU? Weird behaviour from a man towards me.

[mumlearningtorun]

Hey.

just for context, I’m 29 and my friends husband who I’m talking about is 39. My friend is 35 and my husband is 33. Just for context, it’s not really about age- but it might show some maturity / immaturity later on.

we used to all get on as a group, did lots together with our kids, even went on holiday - but since I got a promotion at work and gone full time again after my 2 children, my friends husband has really had a problem with me.

He’s turned really rude, and just not enjoyable to be around, actually very insufferable.

I am really bothered by a few things that I’m reading on Instagram, he seems to be digging at me indirectly & has even put something quite mocking up.

for example;

1. when I got oasis tickets via the ballot… he put a Instagram story up saying ‘it’s clear to see the answer to the question of ‘how many times have you seen oasis before via the ballot was 0!!!!👍🏼👍🏼👍🏼👍🏼’
2. I have started running, for my health - mainly mental health, and I’m running the marathon for my little boys charity ( he was born prem with a few complications ) - I put one progress picture online, proud of me.. and then he went out of his way, to clearly download a TikTok to add to this Instagram story, mocking runners…
3. the recent solar eclipse, I put a few pictures of my kids smiling with their eclipse sunglasses before it even started & the sunset after it happened online for family to see, and then we watched the whole thing via the glasses- not that I need to justify myself but half of my family are in Australia and it’s the easiest way to see eachother sometimes it was fallowed by another Instagram story, saying ‘why are people taking pictures and not watching the eclipse themselves?’

i just feel absolutely fed up with it, it’s like a knee jerk to everything I put up- he obviously has a bug bare and it’s clear he thinks women are beneath men. I can’t believe my friend married him. I don’t know if I am being unreasonable… but wtf, I’m more bothered why my little ( quite plain and normal )life is bothering him so much.

i feel like I can’t say anything because of my friend, but I really need want too. My husband is saying to delete him from seeing my stuff- but I just don’t want to let this get in the way of mine and my friends friendship.

my husband did say ‘is she even a friend if she’s seeing her husband doing this and not asking who it’s about and why?’ - but again, I think he’d mute her anyway!!!

ugh! Advice? Haha x

Bear in mind that this is a fully grown adult man. An adult man who is publicly low-grade bullying the good friend of his wife. How many men do you know that would do this? I don't care if OP is being a bit braggy and he's getting tired of it, for him to actually act on his childish feelings like this, rather than move on with his life, is a problem.

Don't say anything. She won't believe you. He will deny it and you will sound like you think the world revolves around you.

Block him and unfollow him. Nothing good is coming from this relationship.

Maybe some kind of weird jealousy. You’ve got your life together at only 29 and he’s about to go into his forties. Probably having some kind of mid-life crisis. (I’m way over 40 btw).

Start calling him out and replying to the stories: is this aimed at me? Is this in response to my story? What bothers you about it?

have you blocked him yet? And if not is there a reason why you have not? Set your profiles to private and block him. If he asks to see your profile through your friends phone then she will need to address it. He sounds weird and obsessive. Also, if he is 39 he probably was too young to see Oasis the first time too. Sounds like a phallus!

edited to add - or you could go all wagatha and make shit up for him to repost and then you can post that you made it up as a joke, he will look foolish when you have done this once or twice

This is the kind of weird bullying that people who are insecure and unhappy do. I think he is bored and jealous, I feel sorry for your friend but it’s weird that she hasn’t addressed it, unless she doesn’t really watch your stories so doesn’t realise? He sounds pretty grumpy and unpleasant though if all he does is moan about stuff online.
I would definitely block/mute/hide him on everything. Don’t look at his stuff anymore. If it’s obvious enough that your friends are asking about it then I think it’s definitely about you

He sounds like a total prick. But for what it's worth I hide my story from over 100 people and I don't even hate all of them - some of them are just family, colleagues, people who are a bit over-keen. A lot of my instagram story is niche jokes and shitposting about my industry which is only funny if you're in that world and I don't need out of context people trying to read things into it.

Block him on everything.

He’s weird, and weird people who hate you shouldn’t have access to spy on your life.

Your achievements make him feel inferior. He’s trying to cut you down to size. Delete for sure. See friend for girls nights only. Don’t discuss him.

I kind of agree to be honest - ok they were posted after you posted, but as they were tied to quite specific events that other people would have been posting about too, I don't know how you can be sure it was directed at you?

💯 THIS!!!

Is it just online when he has a problem with you? I would just ignore him and carry on being me. I would mute his posts so I cant see them and not give him a second thought otherwise you just get yourself angry and it will be over the smallest thing which in turn will make you look like the crazy one to your friend.

Or you could carry on observing his nastiness and hit the laughing emoji everytime he posts which will just add tension but equally be quite satisfying winding him up.

Don’t mind the gaslighting PPs OP.
Trust your gut and block him. He is sinister and these type of strange aggressive men only get worse with more contact. My DSis and I were just recalling a similar story where the DH (similar to your friends DH ) got progressively obsessed and malevolent and was writing poison pen letters and clandestinely sabotaging the poor woman (friend of his DW and neighbour). On surface he was all friendly but carrying on a secret campaign against her. The police caught him and they had to move far away with the shame of it all. I think he is dangerous and you nervous system is letting you know.

@mumlearningtorun You've fallen afoul of the competitive Don't Carers of Mumsnet. The ones who think birthdays are for children and wanting a Christmas present makes you akin to the devil. The ones who think if your wedding had anything more than a homeless witness dragged off the street in the world's most depressing courthouse and cost over a fiver, you're the world's biggest bridezilla.

So you'll have a thread full of people telling you he's right/you're paranoid/social media is for low-class dumb-dumbs/people who run are the people we care least about on the planet etc etc.

None of us know this man or his previous behaviour so I'm going to assume you know more about him and his actions than us randomers on the internet.

That being said, no matter how tempting it is to put up with it to keep the peace, or lay traps Wagatha style, I don't think it's worth the head space. Block or at least restrict him. If he mentions it, you'll know he's gone looking and you can tell your friend you're doing a cull or that you can't imagine your content is interesting to anyone that's not a close friend.

Very popular topics and possible you are looking into this far too much! Is he rude to your face?

Surely he must be jealous in some way? I can’t imagine any other motivation for being insufferable like this. Good advice from other posters just block / ignore.

can you get copies of what he has put up? I don't do Tiktok so have no idea. Then block him and if your friend asks why show her. Job done

I don’t consider myself a dense person but I can’t make head nor tail of that first example 😂 I really don’t know what he is getting at? Is it just that you’ve not seen them before? What a basis for a snarky story, how embarrassing for a grown arse man. Thee other two, yea, I think he could probably argue they were just in the abstract because they’re so generic but I think you know when you’ve noticed a pattern and you obviously have. I’d probably hide my stories from him and mute him on socials. Out of sight, out of mind 💅

Just stop following him and block him from viewing your stories! Simple’s

@mumlearningtorun it’s clear he thinks women are beneath men.

Where on earth did that come from?

I think if you're going to post on TikTok, Facebook or Instagram you have to expect that some people are going to think that certain posts are boastful or attention seeking or whatever. That's social media for you.

I would just block him and unfollow him.

This all sounds so childish. You all need to block each other on social media. And really all to old for tik tok. Just get off social media in general. You sound like teenagers having dumb arguments.

Sarky people, be it online or in rl, are insufferable. Tolerant partners of these insufferable types are a waste of time too; no decent person needs/wants to be handcuffed to an utter twonk.
It sounds as though he really dislikes you, finds you annoying, so just block or restrict his access to your social media. I'd avoid his mrs too tbh.

I don’t think your friend doesn’t know he’s doing this. They’re playing nice to your face and mocking you behind your back.
id find a meme mocking him stalking you, might make him stop.

Stop looking at what he’s posting. Unfollow him or whatever you have to do.

I’m a bit old for social media but on Facebook you can stop people seeing your posts without actually unfriending them. Can you do this?

Or post some really wild things so it’s obvious he’s dissing you? Like a (hopefully) new obsession with KPop??