To think Dsis is overeacting after SS hit niece?

[PapaSteel]

I've been with my partner for 8 years and we have dc together, he has a son from his previous relationship. He's 15 and not his bio son but he's been in his life since he was young and he sees him as his dad

Alot happened when we got together as his ex would tell SS that DP didn't want to see him anymore now he was dating me which wasn't true at all. She was physically & verbally abusive towards him and he's been living with us since he was 13 (after he told school about howHe has a lot of trauma and anger which school are supportive about and outside of school he gets help on how to manage the anger and he is a lot better than he was but the anger is still there so we are just patient with him

We're currently on holiday with my sister and her 2 dc and have been here since Monday. There was issues almost straight away as ss got angry at the claw machine but he and dp left the arcade and went for a walk to calm down as the arcade was busy so there was no way he'd have been able to calm down whilst in the arcade. My sister described him as a tantrumming toddler who didn't get his own way and said partner wasn't doing him any favours. I ignored her

He loves drawing and usually if you ask he will show what he's drawing but earlier he was at the table drawing and my niece (10) kept asking what he was drawing. He told her but she kept saying “show me show me” despite him saying no, she pulled his sketch book away from him which caused him to shout at her and she “accidentally” spilt her water on it. He was clearly very angry/upset and walked off to go to his room and she followed him and called him a baby, asked if he was going to cry etc, and he turned round and hit her and now he's being made out to be the bad guy

During this my sister was out with her other dc, my dp was in the shower and I was telling her multiple times to leave him alone and do something else even when she was repeatedly telling him to show her his drawing and she ignored me

My sister is now back and furious, she said she doesn't want her children to share a space with a “violent man”, and has even mentioned going to the police and social services on us if we're happy to have him around our children as he's not related to us when asked where he should go she just replied care

AIBU to think she's overreacting? I know SS shouldn't have hit her and he knows this too but she hasn't apologised for her part in deliberatly winding him up and sister says she doesn't need to as she's a child and he's nearly an adult

No she's not overreacting and you shouldn't be so dismissive of a 15 year old boy hitting a 10 year old girl just because she was being annoying.

I would go home. Niece sounds like a brat and apparently, holidays aee supposed to be happy times. Im sure he isnt perfect and probably a brat as well but hes your brat.

and he turned round and hit her and now he's being made out to be the bad guy

Lol, you're either very bored or this is a silly reverse.

You're being totally unreasonable I'm afraid. A 15 year old boy doesn't get a free pass to hit a 10 year old just because they're annoying and he's troubled.

It's great he has you in his corner but channel this energy in to getting him therapy instead of teaching him this is ok.

She is not overreacting. He’s 15, he’ll be strong enough to have the potential to seriously hurt a 10 yo girl, even kill her.

The 10yo sounds like a brat, but being hit by a nearly adult male isn’t a reasonable punishment for bad behaviour.

You need to take the boy and go home immediately.

A 15 year old young man hitting a 10 year old girl is 100% wrong regardless of any circumstances. Your ss sounds like he has significant anger issues if at his age he’s getting rage at a claw machine.

At 15 he knows not to hit people - especially not a much younger child. It sounds like the holiday needs to end for everyone.

What support is you DSS getting? It sounds like he needs more support for ways to manage his anger/general mental health support

He definitely shouldn’t have hit her, but she also needs to understand that she shouldn’t have been winding him up.

Both aren’t blameless here, but physical violence is never acceptable - perhaps you or your DP should work with him on what he could have done differently (maybe walking away earlier?)

She’s not over reacting but police won’t do anything.

the general aim of teaching kids to manage their behaviour is to stop them hitting, if at 15 he’s hitting out rather than having other strategies obviously there is still a lot of work to do.

it sounds like you and your partner are doing the work which is absolutely the right thing to do, but your sister probably shouldn’t be leaving any of her kids with your step son.

There’s no place that a 15 year old should be hitting a 10 year old.

you owe both of them an apology for not intervening properly to put an end to it and stopping her following him. You were the adult.

Your partner needs to get his DS into proper therapy before his temper ruins his life, and potentially seriously hurts someone else.

Tough one. A 15yo hitting a 10 yo is unacceptable, no question about that. A 10 yo should also know how to behave, this one doesn't, so your sister really needs to look closer to home instead of projecting everything on your SS. She clearly doesn't like him and saying she will report you to SS and he should be in care is an overreaction. It's probably best all round if you limit contact. Her attitude is not going to do your SS any favours, nor will being around her bratty DD.

He's not strong enough to seriously hurt her, he is only about 5”5 there's not much difference between them but that's besides the point. I and SS recognise he shouldn't have hit her and he's apologised but she has told niece not to apologise when she was equally as in the wrong by deliberately winding him up

I would also be limiting contact with your sister - she doesn’t sound very nice

this but also he sounds ND? do you think he is ?

Are you for real?

No they are not “equally in the wrong”, your SS is significantly more so.

What is wrong with you?

Yes he is. His height is irrelevant.

I wouldn't have made the girl apologise either

What's that got to do with anything?

So the girl gets away Scot free? No chance

A 15 Yr old hit a 10 year old.
That's not ok
She is not overreacting

I would.

He is obviously much more in the wrong for hitting her, but she also did the wrong thing in winding him up.

Your sister is right in her reaction and should keep her kids away from your family until the situation has calmed down and you can see how wrong you are in your judgement.

It is not acceptable for a 15 year old to physically assault a child no matter how annoying she is acting.

Your sister is in the right and should not leave her kids unsupervised in your care whilst you're minimising dangerous behaviour. Give your head a wobble, you're doing the lad no favours either.

He shouldn’t have hit her, he’s strong, and violence is not the answer, and he needs some support and guidance to deal with his trauma.

However your niece doesn’t sound particularly pleasant, or good company.

Personally, I’d make my own space from her and find alternative accommodation.

Got to be a reverse.

Would I bollocks teach my daughter that it’s ok for a male to hit her because she’s been “really annoying”, by forcing an apology.

6 of one and half a dozen of the other springs to mind. He should not have hit her no. But she is old enough to know that her pestering behaviour was wrong and he spilling water of his artwork is appalling. She is far from innocent!