AIBU to expect my parents to manage one vegan barbecue meal?

[veganbbqdrama]

Surely most people can survive if they have just one vegan meal ???!!!

My parents have decided they don’t think they can attend a bbq at my house due to the fact we are a vegan family and they are worried about ‘nutrition gaps’ !!!

Neither have any health conditions.

It’s one meal and we are offering a wide variety of things plus desserts. I said to then if they don’t fancy it that’s fine but they said it’s because they are worried about the food, and asked could they bring their own (no! ) or would I get them a few bits they can eat (non vegan) to which I said I can’t have it in the house.

Surely they could just come for a drink and eat later at home ? They are making such a fuss ?? It’s not like we are pushing veganism or the ethics behind our choice we weren’t planning on talking about it just having a nice family get together !

Surely whenever you go to eat at someone else’s house they are essentially ‘dictating what you eat’?

Sounds amazing!

It's astounding how many naturally vegan foods people eat on the day to day but the second they hear the label they freak out.

Just weird.

I'm not sure why you are not willing for them to bring their own food and just enjoy their company at the bbq not force them to eat 'outside their comfort zone'. Just let them be.

I’m just not sure I understand why you won’t let them bring their own food? I admit they’re being slightly awkward, but then so are you!

@MaidOfSteel I agree - they've declined the invitation so that's the end of the conversation.

They are being ridiculous, but IMO so are you. If you're invited to their house, do they cater for your needs? Then I don't see why you can't let them bring food of their own.

I think veganism is a great life choice, but I cannot stand the high and mighty ones who "won't have it in the house". Wtf?

Your parents are going to eat meat whether they eat it in your house, or elsewhere. All you're doing is cutting your nose off to spite your face, and missing out on precious family time.

Vegetables are food items which happen to be vegan as well.

Vegan meals typically contain things many non-vegans can't eat easily.

Fake meats, tofu, mushrooms, pulses - all are things that some people, especially the older ones can't stomach without feeling unwell.

My family like many vegetables, but my DF could eat only the bread and portobello from the OP's menu (burgers with quinoa, salad with tofu, other things with tomato).

We can eat food which happens to be vegan as well. We can't eat many typically vegan meals, because some of the ingredients, especially proteins, are too different.

If a vegan wants to cater for non-vegans, they should take this into account.

My ex MIL reported me to social
services because I didn’t give HER granddaughter red meat. She must be turning in her grave that DD stopped eating poultry and fish and became vegetarian as a teenager. I am now pescatarian (I only like salmon though) but she is definitely veggie and we both have loads of vegan meals every week.

It’s just so stupid to think that one non meat meal will cause some sort of deficiency 🤣🤣

Why cant you have non vegan food in the house? Its really not going to contaminate or poison anything. YABU because you are being too precious about your vegan diet. Let them bring their own food FFS.

see I dunno......the "nutrition concern" reason might be a cover because they don't want to say "daughter we love you but your food gives us (or one of us) the shits." Some people don't like to say stuff like that.

yup same here.

I agree with this in part at least. I am a practical vegan. What difference does it make where people eat meat? I wouldn't even care about sharing a bbq grill with a meat eater. It's about making a difference for me. And me having a separate bbq isn't going to ease the suffering of the pig whose body, or part of it, is lying on the grill in the form of a sausage. Appreciate others may feel differently.

As for this thread. Typical vegan thread on MN. Very tiresome as per usual. But it got me thinking as to why some omnivores get so angry when they feel they have been denied the opportunity to eat meat as in the OP's case, or feel criticised or judged for eating meat, or just come across another person who doesn't eat meat. And I've come to the conclusion that it is because they actually rejoice in the fact that an animal has suffered and died to make their meal.

Most people don't want to kill the animal themselves, they don't want to watch it or know too much about its life or death, but at a subconscious level there is almost a celebration that they live and another dies. Goes back to survival of the fittest maybe, something very primitive anyway.
Sacha Baron Cohen as Borat demonstrated it beautifully when he interviewed the huntsman. He got him to admit that not only does he think it is fun to kill animals but it is a great feeling and that it makes you feel big and like a real man.
I think that's it. I really do.

Could be.
Also could not be. They could just be being awkward fuckers. That’s equally as likely a scenario.

I agree on the stomach issues. We use non-dairy alternatives and I always get cows milk products in if we have guests because if people aren't used to it they end up quite unwell.

You're not being unreasonable, but have you considered pointing out there won't be a "gap"?

Surely most eat eaters eat vegetables as well though?
Im a meat eater. I eat all the things on the OP’s menu (minus tofu, as I don’t like it), as well as meat.

YABU, as I am sure many others have said. They are not vegans, so they don't have to eat even just one vegan meal, just as you don't have to eat just one meat-based meal to make a meat eater happy, or eat just one dairy products based meal to make a vegetarian happy.

There is much talk about how unreasonable your parents are, but you are being unreasonable and also rather controlling. You are entitled to practice your food beliefs, you are not entitled to insist other observe or follow them just because you want them to.

I'm happy to come in their place... let me know the date and time. 😂

I wondered this myself, but OP said they "can't have it in the house" (I don't know why)

The menu sounds delicious (and I'm very much a meat eater) but if they won't try it they won't and they'll just have to eat beforehand if they come at all, then simply enjoy the drinks, nibbles and company

Haven’t rtft which I assume has devolved into a bin fire by now, but this reminds me of a guest at our wedding (parent’s friend) who refused to eat any dinner because it was vegetarian! Half the guests were kosher and a significant chunk veggie/vegan so we thought delicious veggie/vegan was more inclusive to everyone. He was willing to eat (meat free) pudding so survived on that. It was a transparent power play/tantrum, as is your parent’s behaviour. No reason you should let them bring their own food if you have moral objections to having it your house. Just say “okay then, sorry we won’t see you” and leave it at that. They may eventually realise they can survive without animal products for one meal. If not then their loss. (DOI: I am not vegan)

Can you point out the synthetic and processed foods in OP's menu please?

It won’t harm them, but if you expect to be catered for at theirs it would be nice of you to return the favour. Eating vegan food won’t kill
them but catering for them wouldn’t kill you either.

This is riduculous. They can eat vegan food. A vegan cannot eat non vegan food. Do you not understand the difference?

I have no food restrictions. I would expect to eat a vegan meal at a vegan's house, a kosher meal at a jewish person's house, a halal meal at a muslim's house. Because I can eat all of these things - I wouldn't expect to be served meat and two veg just because that's what I usually eat.

A vegan CAN eat non vegan food. They choose not to.

It's a valid choice but it's still a CHOICE.

No way! Meat eater here. I’m also interested in why these posts are so inflammatory to some people. I think it’s when each side thinks they can teach the other how their diet is better eg vegan food is actually just as tasty as meat (some vegans); vegan food isn’t real food (some meat eaters). We all like what we like. I’m not sure quite why people feel so threatened.