AIBU to expect my parents to manage one vegan barbecue meal?

[veganbbqdrama]

Surely most people can survive if they have just one vegan meal ???!!!

My parents have decided they don’t think they can attend a bbq at my house due to the fact we are a vegan family and they are worried about ‘nutrition gaps’ !!!

Neither have any health conditions.

It’s one meal and we are offering a wide variety of things plus desserts. I said to then if they don’t fancy it that’s fine but they said it’s because they are worried about the food, and asked could they bring their own (no! ) or would I get them a few bits they can eat (non vegan) to which I said I can’t have it in the house.

Surely they could just come for a drink and eat later at home ? They are making such a fuss ?? It’s not like we are pushing veganism or the ethics behind our choice we weren’t planning on talking about it just having a nice family get together !

I guess it depends on whether i OP has said no to bringing any food (like a cheese sandwich) or whether she means no to putting a meat sausage on a BBQ.

I may have missed the clarification info?

The former should be fine, i think. But the latter would be a no, no from what I can glean from my vegan friends.

Not unreasonable, just unrealistic. Parents tend to be like that. Mine never respected my choices about anything - OK, they were a bit extreme, but my impression is that most parents continue to think they know better than their offspring throughout their lives. However, if you're giving them the choice between attending without eating anything they think they'll like and staying away, you have to accept it if they take the latter option. Do you need them to attend a barbecue to continue to have a relationship with them? It seems to me that you're asking them to prove that they respect your beliefs and principles, and that they're asking you to put filial piety above those principles. They have decided they won't enjoy a vegan barbecue without even trying it, so they're missing out, and you are making this barbecue more than just a social gathering, which is an unnecessary headache for you. I am skiving off an extremely long editing job to read this post and add my twopenn'orth, and that is tending to colour my opinion, as I'm extremely envious of anyone who has time to plan a social gathering, with or without animal products.

Some of the latest ultra processed meat substitute products seem to me to be indistinguishable from meat. You might have been able to just not tell them that it was a vegan bbq and they might have been none the wiser!

I think they are being a bit ridiculous but I also think you are being a bit unreasonable to refuse to allow them to bring any of their own food. Totally understand not wanting them to cook anything on your bbq but if they brought some cheese slices to add to their burgers or some precooked cold chicken legs to go on the side of their plate I wouldn’t see that as a big deal even if I was eye rolling at the idea they can’t go a single meal without animal products.

Less than 10% of the UK population is vegan or vegetarians.
So if you add up the arable crops eaten by the 90% of the population who are meat eaters AND the amount grown to feed livestock meat eaters take disproportionately more arable crops for their diet.

Organic farming can happen without animal manure using closed loop, plant based systems e.g. green manure.

There are vanishingly small numbers of abattoirs on UK farms so nearly all slaughter of meat involves shipping/transport/waiting/the abattoir experience for the animal. I've worked on farms, studied at agricultural college and have witnessed the abattoir experience for animals. I'm vegetarian.

They offered, she refused to allow them to bring their own

The distress is NOT around slaughter time. It is lifelong for industrially farmed animals, who in their millions live lives of utter horror, constant physical and emotional pain, so you all can have cheap meat.

On the unsayable things thread I said I despise people who look away from all this. But actually, I probably need to look away too, because the bovine (lol) refusal to see facts which is often demonstrated on threads like this brings me close to hating humans - their selfishness and their stupidity.

Vegan BBQ is BYOB -bring your own bag to discretely discard the dry as hell bean burger and make sure you have a takeaway booked for when you get home.

Can I come instead ? I'm not vegan but it sounds delicious!

have you actually tasted them? And its incredibly rude and dangerous to lie to people about what is in what they are eating.

Its OK they don't like your food. It might not even be because its vegan ... they might not like your cooking and that's OK.

I think both parties are being dramatic - just invite them over for a cup of tea. They don't have to come to a vegan BBQ where they think they won't like the food.

They are being unreasonable, as I'm sure they do each some fruit and vegetables etc as part of their usual consumption, and they are not going to die or collapse with weakness from not consuming animal protein for a few hours. But but the fact is they don't want to come because it's not their preferred meat fest barbecue and it's a passive aggressive refusal.

Next time just call it lunch or tea. Personally most vegan food is best good indoors using a normal hob and or oven or air fryer. The overly charcoal flavour of a burnt dried out veggie burger or sausage is often not great compared to a conventionally cooked one accompanied by nice bread rolls and decent mixed salads and well grilled but not burnt Mediterranean vegetables

In fairness a cup of tea is hard to get right with non-dairy milk. The best I could get was oatly barista but then it's very oily.

Tell them there will be cheese, salads, crisps, pudding. I wonder if they don't like the idea of vegan food as they think it will be processed (quorn/meat substitute).

Why can't you let them bring their own food?
What if they invited you over to a non vegan BBQ and said that one time eating non vegan meal surely won't destroy the environment!
I am very open minded but it really comes across from vegans like they're trying to impose their life choices on others

How can you say that the vegan burgers sound rank if you don’t know what’s in them? And do you really have meat at every single meal?

No, it's not a crime. I do however serve salad to guest who do like it. I eat a lot of meat, a small amount of carbs and a bit of dairy. Plus some fruit and carrots and peas. Nothing on OP list of foods do I like except bread, and then only with butter which OP would not let me have.

If/ When you are hosted by others do you eat what they serve or ask for vegan? Assume the latter and isn’t this the similar ask from your parents?

I suspect you are quite unusual being such a very picky eater as an adult.

The OP's parents are the people who brought her up and FED her. She should show them some respect

This is nuts. There’s plenty of nice food on offer. I’m not vegan but I would be completely happy with that menu. Food is about so much more than animal products. We should all be eating more fruit, salads and vegetables for our health and the environment.

I don't think it's picky. Sounds very Atkins type. Usually followed to prevent weight gain.

Only if you're restricting yourself to meat. Broaden your horizons and discover how delicious the alternatives are.

One meal isn't imposing a lifestyle onto someone else.

Whatever happened to "when in Rome"? Why have people become so set in their ways that they can't accept their hosts hospitality with grace. It's very sad.

Don't worry, vegans seem to think because you eat vegetables & lettuce leaves as a side, it's totally acceptable for you have these as your main dish.