AIBU to expect my parents to manage one vegan barbecue meal?

[veganbbqdrama]

Surely most people can survive if they have just one vegan meal ???!!!

My parents have decided they don’t think they can attend a bbq at my house due to the fact we are a vegan family and they are worried about ‘nutrition gaps’ !!!

Neither have any health conditions.

It’s one meal and we are offering a wide variety of things plus desserts. I said to then if they don’t fancy it that’s fine but they said it’s because they are worried about the food, and asked could they bring their own (no! ) or would I get them a few bits they can eat (non vegan) to which I said I can’t have it in the house.

Surely they could just come for a drink and eat later at home ? They are making such a fuss ?? It’s not like we are pushing veganism or the ethics behind our choice we weren’t planning on talking about it just having a nice family get together !

You might want to look at the way that data was produced and the missing data from the fake milk side

Clearly it’s right to cater for a vegan by making something they can eat. Clearly when you go to a vegan’s house, you should NOT expect them to cook meat. It’s called tolerance and understanding and we need more of this in the world.

But equally, this is an inflammatory subject and I’m not sure why. I would get a heart sink if I knew the food was vegan and I have eaten lots and lots of vegan / veggie meals. If they are packed full of spices with good cooking techniques, then the food can be even better than a meat dish. But for some reason, it’s often a bit heart sink.

The OP is providing a good variety. Unless you were completely odd over food, then there would definitely be something you could eat. Going without something for just one meal is not a big deal.

This isn't true - the massive scale deforestation and intensive monocropping, water, pesticide runoff etc is much higher in agriculture for soy animal feed than for human-consumed soy. Even if the whole world went vegan, global soy production would drop by over 60% to 70%.

Lies, lies and damn statistic eh?
Applies both ways you know. And you haven't even tried to provide any evidence. Only your own bias fuelled by your irrational hatred of people following a vegan diet.

Do you think non smokers should buy cigarettes for guests if they ask them to, and put up with the smell in their home to make them comfortable?
If not, you will no doubt argue that's different. However its only different because you think smoking is harmful, you wouldn't want to support it with your money and you would find the smell wafting in unpleasant.
Same with many vegans and animal products.

I don’t understand why “you can’t have it in the house”. My son is vegan but my grandson is an omnivore. They both eat what they want in their own home. I’m a meat eater but happily serve my family whatever their dietary preferences are. Why can’t you?

It's obvious that this isn't really about them missing out on nutrition and more about them feeling that you are imposing your views on them....I am not saying that is what you are doing. You are totally within your rights to only serve vegan food and of course if the were open minded about it they would enjoy your food, it sounds delicious. However, it seems they are likely choosing this hill to die on. Would it be so bad to let them bring their own meat and bbq it after you've cooked yours?

Because they are her parents and presumably they love her and want to socialise with her.

If my Dd was having a barbeque I wouldn't ask what the food was going to be before deciding whether to go. I'd accept happily and look forward to seeing her. This is all so weird, do peoples lives really rotate around food so much?

And of course all crop deaths are 100% caused by vegans because non vegans never eat anything produced by normal farming. And no crops are ever grown for livestock feed, only ever for vegans. No non vegans ever, in the history of farming, have ever eaten oats, almonds, UPFs etc.

(Sarcasm, in case the hard of thinking take this as gospel)

So you can only successfully digest meat?

Many a citation needed. Many.
Just a couple of examples.
Both Alpro and Oatley - two of the biggest plant milk brands in the UK - use UK grown oats in their oat milk and both manufacture their milk, sorry 'milk', in either mainland Europe or the UK.

I'm not saying drinking oat milk is the answer. I don't know if it really is better for the environment taking into account all factors. I don't know if a dairy cow's suffering - their whole lives are suffering - is worse than a small animal having a reasonably natural life and then admittedly a horrific death. I'm trying to do my best as are many who follow a plant-based diet as well as people like the pp who has made peace with her dietary choices by eating a locally sourced diet.
The real solution to all this is to reduce the numbers of human beings on this planet.

I wouldn't be thrilled with a vegan barbecue to be honest.

However, if you don't expect them to provide you with a special meal when you visit them, they shouldn't expect the same from you.

Tolerance isn't a one way street.

But they don’t eat meat whereas I DO eat vegetables and other vegan stuff. Why is everyone being so intolerant on this thread!!!

This is insane. One is an ethical position - a moral value, comparable to the religious preclusion of say, pork - the other is a taste or a preference.

Unless you would serve pork to your Muslim or Jewish friends or beef to your Hindu friends, why would you serve meat to your vegan friends?

You would literally be telling them 'fuck off out of my house, I don't like you and not only that, I want you to know it.'

If I'd accidentally invited a misogynist to an event I'd organised, they might not 'be thrilled' at the absence of strippers, say - but it would go against everything I believe, my core values, to commodify the body of another person in order to keep that shithead happy.

You must really miss the laughing emoji that you can use to belittle other posters that you disagree with.
Hope it wasn't too disappointing to have to make do the with a thumbs up that you just gave me @Hoardasurass

I was on OP's side until tofu was mentioned...

Sure, but in this case it really isn’t one with equal priority.
No one needs to eat animal products at every meal.

I wouldn't insist on bringing food to a BBQ which was barred by the hosts religion, would you? Veganism is also a protected philosophical belief in the U.K. - it’s not a dietary fad.

I'm amused by everyone querying what a vegan could possibly put on a barbecue lol.

There are vegan versions of pretty much all meat products now: burgers, sausages, etc. we had an amazing barbecue last weekend. Just because it's vegan doesn't mean it has to be nothing but vegetable kebabs lol

I wouldn't go to a vegan barbeque- it would be like seeing all the lost Greek statues with clothes on - it would be pointless.
They are probably mentioning nutrional value to let you down lightly because they just don't fancy it, especially as you refuse to compromise

I dont agree with that POV at all. There's been many a time over the decades that I've not eaten the bbq stuff for many reasons. However theres usually sides and salads that can be eaten or a dessert. If not I'm there for the gathering and a beer! Its great to sit and chill and haveca laugh with friends and family.

I don't go to fill my belly.

nope. I can eat small amounts of quite a few fruit and veg and when my favourites are in season then sometimes at home I do go wild and hang the consequences. I can't do chickpeas, lentils, or anything beany although I used to eat them and love them.Potatoes, rice, pasta, plain bread, and couscous are fine. I am wary of things like veggie and vegan burgers and things like vegan cheesecake and icecream because I would need to know what is in them. As I said, if I wanted to go I would cheerfully eat just the things I could eat but people do tend to notice and comment if they see you chowing down on the flatbread and nothing else. I do heartily dislike tofu and jackfruit which I presume is allowed? PS I can't do chillis either but i think that's pretty common?

That's beside the point of tolerance.

You should tolerate and accept other people's choices, especially if you expect them to respect & tolerate yours.
I really don't get it, if you invite someone for food, drinks and socialising, you should take every effort to make them comfortable. But that's me. I know people who are happy with salad, vegetables & pulses and equally I know people who would find that dull.
So I'd cater for both if I throw a party.

Some people lose all common sense and intelligence when the word vegan crops up it seems.

Anyone having an issue with a meat eater eating something that isn't meat for one meal... clearly they must be obligate carnivores and never touch a single vegetable or fruit, EVER, to be so upset.

After all, if you eat meat it's in the law you need to eat nothing but meat/milk/eggs for every meal, in perpetuity.

oh but we HAVE to have children to work and care for us when we are old. (MN common opinion, not mine, I am childless)