AIBU to expect my parents to manage one vegan barbecue meal?

[veganbbqdrama]

Surely most people can survive if they have just one vegan meal ???!!!

My parents have decided they don’t think they can attend a bbq at my house due to the fact we are a vegan family and they are worried about ‘nutrition gaps’ !!!

Neither have any health conditions.

It’s one meal and we are offering a wide variety of things plus desserts. I said to then if they don’t fancy it that’s fine but they said it’s because they are worried about the food, and asked could they bring their own (no! ) or would I get them a few bits they can eat (non vegan) to which I said I can’t have it in the house.

Surely they could just come for a drink and eat later at home ? They are making such a fuss ?? It’s not like we are pushing veganism or the ethics behind our choice we weren’t planning on talking about it just having a nice family get together !

Very, very silly of them.

There is no 'nutrition gaps' in having vegan burgers, vegetables and a nice vegan desert.

Enjoy your barbecue without them. They are the ones missing out on a lovely family event.

Some people just love complaining about other people being vegan and seem to lose all rational thoughts because of their bizarre bias on the topic.

My Muslim friends don't expect me to fast. I wouldn't expect them to provide food during fasting.
Most vegans don't expect other people not to eat animal products. They just wouldn't serve them to them in their home. I'm sure if you couldn't manage without a pork pie or a big mac for a few hours most would let you bring it with you.

For goodness sake it is just one meal!

It is not healthy either to eat too much meat.

Going without meat or fish for ONE meal is really not going to affect anyone's health.

Sounds lovely, Im pescatarian but dairy free, so this is every bar b q I've had this summer.
Been eating like this for donkeys years, nothing wrong with my nutrition

That's it choices and respecting others have different opinions and also realising how much more work it is accommodating vegan preferences when hosting, which we all do for vegan friends and family as we enjoy being with them.

With the comments about big macs and pork pies with the underlying assumption you are making about me 😄, the op said no, 'would I get them a few bits they can eat (non vegan) to which I said I can’t have it in the house,'. So no that's not going to go down well, similar to you sandwich whilst everyone was fasting ....

Flora is also not butter. It's an ultra processed margarine. I don't eat UPF, and I don't eat margarine. Yuck!

OP's parents have the right to politely decline an invitation for any reason, and the right to choose what they wish to eat.

Anyone not accepting that is a bullying arsehole.

So don't think of it as a "barbecue". Just think of it as a tasty summer meal of vegetables, salads, bread etc. that happens to include some elements that are grilled outdoors.

I'm an enthusiastic carnivore, and my meal of the summer so far has been a barely-dead onglet steak with beef dripping frites at a marché nocturne in a French village, but I'd still happily enjoy a meat-free meal as part of a social day with family.

Of course they have the right to make their choice. That's not in question. Nobody's suggesting they should be forced to attend. The OP asked whether they were reasonable to decline, not whether they had the right to do so.

I think you could have offered to buy something they’d like. If the roles were reversed , you’d expect them to cater to your preferences.

I don't like rice, salad or hummus. I could eT a jacket potato with cheese or even just with butter but OP isn't offering those either.

Haha this has to be rage bait at this point. Oh yes, the cow has to have a calf but that's fine because we just chop him up and have him for supper!! No harm whatsoever lalalalala 🤣🤣

@caringcarer

you don’t like salad?!

Of course they are reasonable to decline. They don't want to come, so they decline. Their reasons are irrelevant.No one has to attend an event they don't want to nor eat food they don't fancy. It's as simple as that.

What would be unreasonable would be attending and then complaining about the food.

Also unreasonable, badgering people to attend, when they've declined, expecting justifications for why they've declined or expecting people to eat things they don't want to eat. The only reasonable response is to graciously accept their decision, without arguement.

I could eat a plain salad, fresh corn cob, and something like a jacket potato, but nothing else would appeal to me, so I’d probably just decline the invitation.

It’s a false equivalence though.

You aren’t morally opposed to not eating meat - I assume you don’t think it’s a moral duty?

And they’d only be putting animals above their friends in that scenario if they wanted to feed their friends’ breast milk to the animals.

(NB - I am not vegan! I am vegetarian but I cook meat for my son every day and also do so for guests - that’s my personal choice though)

Though if you were invited for quite a long period of time at a fasting household, clearly you would have to discuss bringing your own snack or.sandwich. If not, changing the time of the get together.

Oh right, I thought environmental concerns were global but clearly not. Silly me!

You might want to take a closer look too at the data sources before dismissing it as American.
"The data set covers ~38,700 commercially viable farms in 119 countries and 40 products representing ~90% of global protein and calorie consumption".

I've just learned some really nice ideas, thank you!

Well atleast the bull is stunned before slaughter unlike the poor animals chopped up by the combine harvester or the fish and other aquatic life that are poisoned and/or suffocated from agricultural run off and then theres the decimation of the local insect population and all of the species that eat them and are the basis of many food chains.
But I guess none of that death and cruel slaughter counts to you does it

Sorry, I am in the minority and for Team Parents. Only because they offered to bring their ow food and you declined.

I think, yoy can accommodate your parents. Unless you never go to other people's houses and they are never catering for your preferences and won't allow you to bring your own food.

its possibly also easier for them to talk about "nutritional balance" than to say (as I cheerfully would) "I am sorry but if I eat your vegan food I will spend the next couple of days on the loo!"

but "salad" is not a thing....its a collection of recipes.

When you are using data from a completely different farming system (1 which uses the highest amount of resources instead of the data for 1 which has the lowest resource use) to draw false conclusions especially when you fail to take into account all of the energy and water use for the multiple crops needed to create fake milk and tge transport miles to get the almonds to the uk (75- 80% come from America) to make claims that said fake milk is better for the environment than it is and falsely claiming that dairy is more environmentally harmful than it is, you dont really have a valid argument.
If you want to talk about the harms of American farming practices vs uk/eu farming practices im happy to discuss ways the Americans can improve things but using their practices to denigrate British/EU farmers and make false claims about the environmental impact of dairy is just wrong and bad "science"