AIBU to expect my wife to mention changing her working hours?

[ByScott]

Last week I had a few issues and couldn’t contact my wife so had to call her work.

It emerged that not only had she reduced her hours to .75 but she had compacted them so only works 3 days a week.

She never told me this. Should she have?

Should I mention this to her?

It doesn’t particularly impact on me and had she discussed it with me I wouldn’t have had anything to say about it.

I thought the post made it clear that he thinks he should’ve been told!

Lots of people are saying "just ask her" but, well, she doesn't exactly sound very honest or trustworthy. Can you be sure she'll tell the truth?

Reducing your income and reducing your working days are big changes. It's something that should come up naturally in a hundred different ways when planning it, looking at finances, getting used to your long days, spending your extra days off. I'm a lesbian so hardly an expert on men, but surely even the most cloth-eared husband should pick up on that?

So to me this sounds like a sustained, deliberate deceit, and OP will need to approach this carefully if he wants the truth.

Has anyone pointed out yet that it’s school holidays and therefore the 14 year old is fully aware that his mother is in the house for two weekdays? Wouldn’t the kid mention that they had had lunch with their mum or gone to buy stuff or she’d given them a lift etc?
Im thinking that more than one person is lying.

Weird not to mention. I couldn’t imagine doing this big then our finances and childcare are tight so would have impacted more maybe

Do you think she is having an affair?

I compacted my hours to 4 days and didn’t tell my ex because I desperately DESPERATELY needed time to myself in that marriage. Maybe you just need to ask her?

That's exactly what I thought!

For heavens' sake, man, just ask her! We all want to know what she's up to.

Are you sure she didn't tell you?

Last week I had a few issues and couldn’t contact my wife so had to call her work.

What were the issues that you needed to call her at work? You've referred also to 'your dramas'? Are you often hassling her during her working day? Why couldn't you leave a message and wait till she got back to you?
I agree it's unusual she didn't tell you about changing her hours and I can't imagine not telling my DH. But at the same time my husband wouldn't call my work because he was having issues.

Well, yours might do. Doesn't it depend on what the issue was?

I'd expect he would if it was a health related emergency for him or a DC. Not for a few issues or dramas he was having.

This!

you not asking her is equally odd to her bit telling you. It may be the colleague got mixed up and she is simply having an annual leave day

Well, OP doesn't say what the issues were. We can't assume they were unimportant.

This whole situation is very strange. You needed to contact her about your issues but those issues were not so important that you needed to bring them up and say you couldn't contact her when you saw her.
Then you come on here and ask us what we think ... We obviously don't know what's going on, so (to repeat other Pps) just flipping ask her.
I'm thinking this is one of those fictional situations, maybe from a writer testing out a plot line... ????

This.

Either

1. she’s deliberately keeping it secret
2. she doesn’t think you’ll care / be interested / can’t be arsed to tell you
3. she has told you and you weren’t listening

None of them are a good sign

Not if the father is checked out and makes no enquires as to their day. We already know he leaves early. What time do you get back and partake in family life in the evening?

Very very strange.
It takes time and planning to change your work hours so I do not think this is normal behaviour at all.

Her colleagues may tell her when she next goes in.

Has this impacted her salary?
How are your finances set up?

If my husband did this I would think there was definitely something very wrong with our relationship.

In a healthy relationship there’s communication. If there’s a lack of communication, the relationship isn’t what it should be. She should have discussed it with you.

F

Ask yourself why she didn’t say anything? Maybe she thought u wouldn’t be very happy she had cut hours?

My 14 year old only mentions things if asked.

Just to add in… as someone who has brewed on things rather than said things at the time I think you should tell her but in a way of you being a bit confused… I should imagine her work colleagues will mention it and this could create even more issue than her not telling you?

Reducing her hours like this could be due to her struggling with peri/menopause symptoms. Many women themselves don't understand the symptoms but many women leave the work place during this time as they can't cope. She may be too embarrassed to discuss this with you as she may not understand her feelings herself.

Hope your wife's employer is ready to defend themselves against a breach of privacy and data protection.

Don't do this. For whatever reason, she seems to be playing a really weird game. Don't join in - just ask her why she didn't tell you.

Although if you pretended you just got confused, why would they have told you she'd cut her hours and condensed them? I don't think it would have required that information.

Sometimes seems weird here (with the story, I mean).